


Become The Beast

by Thoughtlessness



Category: Suicide Squad (2016), The Dark Knight
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Blood, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/M, Manipulative Relationship, Past Joker/Harleen Quinzel, Psychological Torture, Psychological Trauma, Rape/Non-con Elements, Torture, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-11
Updated: 2018-08-03
Packaged: 2018-08-30 10:49:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 20
Words: 71,933
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8530159
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thoughtlessness/pseuds/Thoughtlessness
Summary: Backstory of the Joker and slow build of the Joker/Harleen --> Harley relationship. Based on clips between Harleen and the Joker in Suicide Squad (2016). It includes certain scenes from the Extended Cut and extends beyond the chemical vat. No fluff. Mature content.





	1. The Transformation

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first attempt at fanfiction, ever. But I was so fascinated by the complexity of the relationship between Harley and the Joker that I just had to write my own take on it.  
> The first chapter is an introduction to the Joker. His backstory is completely made up, except for the incident at ACE Chemicals. However, I used the name Jack Napier to refer to the Joker`s previous identity. It has been introduced in the Batman movie of 1989. The next chapters will focus on Harleen and her first encounter with the Joker. The content and the characters are strongly based on Suicide Squad (2016) but there is some influence of ,,The Dark Knight" too.  
> There is no fluff, there is no ,,sweet love". The relationship between the Joker and Harley is neither cute nor healthy. I do condemn domestic violence and abuse, but that is what the relationship is made of.  
> If you have suggestions or remarks, just comment :) Enjoy!

 

**BECOME THE BEAST**

 

 **CHAPTER 1** : The Transformation

\---------------------------------------------

How are you going to pass the time of day  
In your beautiful empty shell,  
When you've shaken the hands of so many sinceroes  
You feel like a fake yourself.  
  
Del Amitri - Being Somebody Else

It was a bright and sunny day in early March. A young couple in their late twenties, both considerably handsome, drove along the main street leaving Gotham City, headed for their honeymoon. Mary, a good looking blonde woman with incredibly large blue eyes, gazed out of the car window and watched as the trees passed by. Her husband Jack kept his eyes on the road, his lips forming a silly but happy smile. He had every reason to be happy. This day was supposed to be the beginning of a long-lasting and happy marriage. Especially, since Mary was carrying valuable cargo; a little baby boy was growing inside of her. Things were good and everything pointed towards a fortunate future - but fate is wicked that way and it doesn't care about happiness.

 

"What do you see Mary, my dear?" Jack asked his wife. She had been staring out of the car window for quite some time now.

,,The trees, honey. Such a beautiful green! Nothing like the grey city of Gotham! I am so happy we left." Mary sighed and relaxed. She glimpsed at her smiling husband and her thoughts turned towards their unborn child.

,,What are we going to call him, darling? I was thinking, maybe Michael or what about Jester?” she suggested. For a couple of seconds, Jack took his eyes away from the street and examined his wife with a quizzical look. He wanted to know whether she was serious. She was. Clearly not overwhelmed, he responded with a vague ,,Hmmm...". Mary couldn't hide her amusement and bursted out into bright laughter. She raised her eyebrows.

,,Not so pleased, I gather,” she mocked her partner. Jack wasn't pleased indeed. Of course she would suggest the name Michael. She thought it would make him happy to name their son after Jack`s late father. But it didn't. His father was a drunk piece of shit. A violent man who beat his son and wife at any chance he got. After his mother had died from fatal injuries, his father kicked him out. So Jack started to earn his money by committing petty crimes. He grew up a thief and a drug dealer. Of course, he hadn't told Mary any of that. He didn`t even tell her his real last name. Names were dangerous, it was better if she didn`t knew the old Jack Napier. So he told her his name was Jack Carter. And right now, he regretted telling her the names of his parents, Laura and Michael.

Jack and Mary first met in a bank that Jack had been checking out for a potential robbery. She mistook him for a bank employee (probably due to his expensive suit) which got them into talking. He didn't like her at first. She was rich and innocent and had clearly never endured anything bad before. But her kind soul and generous heart won him over. They started to date and things got serious. He never thought he would ever be capable of loving someone, but he was. So he got an honest job and they moved in together. Not a year later, they had decided to marry.

A quizzical look from his pregnant wife suddenly brought him back from memory-lane. Damn, she was still waiting for an answer.

,,Darling, Michael is such an ordinary name, no way our kid deserves that.”

 _What was the other name again,_ he thought. _Oh yeah... Jester! Sounds like a fucking clown name. Why would anyone want to name their son Jester?_ It had a ridiculous ring to it.

Instead he replied with a smirk, ,,Why not call him Winston or a strong name like ...Jack?" Jack eyed his wife with a smug smile on his face. It was his turn to mock her now. Mary sighed again. If they couldn't agree on a name, that baby would be born nameless.

The hours went by and the heat started to bother Mary.

Thirsty from the long ride and the unusual hot temperature, she unbuckled herself and reached for the water bottle on the back seat.

 

At the same time, a few hundred meters behind the newlywed couple, a fancy black car was chasing three bank robbers in a stolen red van. The knight of Gotham was chasing a couple of thieves that had just robbed the city bank. Two of them leaning out of the car windows, firing shots at the fast approaching batmobile. The third one, eyes fixed on the pursuit-car, was flooring the gas pedal and not paying attention to the road in front of him.

 

And then, it inevitably happened. It happened so fast that there was no time to react. The red van crashed into the small car of the young couple with such force, that the light-weighted wagon of Jack and Mary ultimately started to spin. Jack, who desperately tried to get back control, pulled the emergency brake only to get the car turned upside down, landing on it`s roof with a loud _smash_. Mary, who wasn't wearing her seatbelt when the two cars collided, flew through the shattered glass of the front window, crashing hard on the asphalt of the road. A paddle of blood started to spread around her. The red van, now standing still, looked like a smashed potato harboring three dead robbers. They were hanging out of the former car windows, merely recognizable as bloody pieces of meat and clothing. Batman arrived only seconds later. He couldn't believe what just happened. Shocked and still feeling the adrenalin rushing through his veins, he hurried over to the bleeding lady on the asphalt. Gently, he placed his index finger on her neck, trying to find a pulse. But there was none. _No, no,_ he thought. This had gotten dramatically out of hand! How could this happen? He called the ambulance and Jim Gordon and started with CPR. Suddenly, he was startled by a loud and hysterical cry coming from right behind him. The terribly injured husband with a nasty head wound and bloody clothes sank on his knees next to his lifeless wife. Tears running down his cheeks, leaving salty trails on his blood smeared face. He desperately tried to move her bleeding and grotesquely deformed head on his lap.

Batman knew that she wouldn't make it. CPR showed no success and as the minutes passed by he had to accept that the woman was dead. He was devastated. The still crying and shaking husband was tenderly stroking his wife`s bloody hair while whispering, ,,Don`t leave me Mary, don`t you dare leaving me alone!”

The Batman placed his hand on the trembling shoulders of the man, who had just lost everything. He calmly addressed the weeping Jack, ,,Sir... I am so sorry. But your wife... She`s gone. I am aware it is a terrible situation for you but you need to tell me if you understand me, if you are alright.”

Jack turned his watering and swollen eyes towards the ridiculously dressed man and stared at him with confusion, disbelief and utter desperation.

,,Fucking nothing is alright!” he screamed, ,,My wife...Mary... oh God no. My son... they are dead. You fucking hear me?! What fucking difference does it make if I`m hurt? They are dead! Gone... No it can`t be. It just can`t!”

Then, with a much softer voice, he kept repeating the last words over and over again. Chanting Mary`s name, as if he could bring her back. Batman, who didn't know what else to say in the face of this horrible tragedy, was relieved when he caught the sound of the approaching sirens. _Help is coming_ , he thought. Unfortunately, too late for Mary Carter and her unborn child.

 

Jack regained his consciousness at the Gotham General Hospital, wrapped in bandages and connected to an awful lot of tubes. At first he noticed the horrible headache and looked around in confusion. Where was he? What happened? But then he instantly regretted his questions, as the memory of the tragic accident flushed back into his conscious mind. His headache became unbearable and his head pounded as if it was about to explode. The nearby nurse noticed that he had woken up and rushed over to his bed and upped the dose of morphine. Jack wanted to protest, but he was too weak and too tired. Everything went black again.

 

When he woke up the second time, his headache was gone. But this time the station was deserted and silent. The windows had gotten dark in the presence of night and the lights on the corridor were out. Jack got up from his bed, unplugged all the tubes and placed his bear feet on the cold hospital floor. He felt...calm. He knew, technically he should still be in shock. But he wasn't. His brain had already processed the information and acknowledged the fact that his family, his future... it was all... gone. He had never been a truly emotional person. Mary was the only one who ever made him feel loved. He felt as if someone had torched and shattered the foundation of his existence with one single blow. _Why?_ He wondered. Why did Mary have to die and he got to live? His son, his child, his future, too? He stared into the window glass and caught the sad reflection of himself staring back at him. Eyes empty and dark, his head badly bruised. He looked as if he was an empty shell of something that once was alive. He was angry. Angry at the world. Angry at himself. But mostly, angry at the fucker who called himself Batman. This piece of garbage was the whole reason for the accident. If he hadn't chased those idiots they would have never crashed into his car and Mary and his son would still be alive. His anger grew into rage. He couldn't stay here. He... he HAD to get OUT of here!

Jack got up. Determined but still on very shaky legs, he walked through the quiet hospital hallways, looking for an exit. The regular doors where shut and locked at night but the emergency passage had to be unlocked. He checked. Yes, they were. Jack struggled but eventually pushed them open and found himself staring at an awful lot of stairs leading into pure darkness. He shrugged and started to walk down the stairs. Once, he almost lost balance but he was able to regain hold again. This burning rage inside of him made him invincible. When he reached the last step, he was surrounded by a dimly-it oval room with a security door. Maybe he had taken the wrong exit? _Never mind_ , he thought. It didn't matter. He just needed to get out, away from this hospital. So he tried to open the door and much to his surprise, it wasn't locked.

 

Bruce Wayne, dressed as the Batman, stood on the roof-top of the Gotham City General Hospital and tried to recap what had happened. The gangster trio robbed the bank and he arrived a few minutes late. He tried to chase them down to hand them over to the police, but then everything went wrong. The accident...it was horrible. Bruce was deeply concerned about this poor man. When he got back to Wayne Mansion, he couldn't sleep. So he decided he would check on the husband. But when he arrived, Jack wasn't in his bed anymore. Where could he have gone? With those injuries he wouldn't last long out there. After all, it was Gotham. He had to find him and bring him back.

 

With a lot of physical effort Jack pushed the door open and a wave of cold and fresh air made him shiver. He took a few steps outside. Where to go now? It was almost midnight and he didn't want to go home. He just couldn't. He knew, at home, those awful memories would flare up and take his last bit of sanity. He had to find a hiding place, just for the night. Somewhere far away from the houses and the city noise, somewhere where he could gather himself. But where? And then it struck him. _ACE Chemicals_. He had been there before. Once for a clean-up job, but more often he was there for another reason. ACE Chemicals was a very good spot for drug deals because the police never showed up there. No one did. Not anymore. And nowadays not even junkies. Slowly and painfully he made his way to the bus station. He would take the next bus and walk from there. Hopefully he could still catch one at this late hour.

 

Batman saw the husband leaving the hospital through the emergency door. He was still wearing hospital clothes. What was he doing? It was horribly cold and the man had just suffered a terrible head injury! Bruce was about to jump down from the roof-top to the sidewalk, but before he could take action, the limping man got into the next bus. But it wasn't the bus that drove into the city. _Where the hell is he going?_

 

When Jack arrived at ACE Chemicals, he wasn't so sure of his hiding plan anymore. Still dizzy from the pain medication, he trembled in the cold air. Where was that stupid hidden entry again? _Ahhh yes !_ _Behind the dumpster_ , he remembered. There was a small iron door leading directly to the chemical waste room. It was a passage to use in case of an emergency if the staff had to get out fast. He picked the lock with shocking routine and opened the rusty door. The narrow path was not lighted, so he had to feel with his hands along the wet walls to find his way to the big hall. Suddenly he collided with a massive steel door. _Ouch_. He pushed it open and a stream of hot and steamy air swung toward him. The dreadful smell of chemical waste burned in his nose and instantly made him feel sick. He stepped inside and as he looked down he noticed the familiar vats filled with bubbling chemicals. He had to do his best not to through up. Should he really stay here for the night? His head was drowsy and his mind already numb from the heat, the humidity and the terrible smell. It brought back the headache and he felt the pain in every muscle of his scarred body. That was when he decided that this place was as good as any to spend the night. He was probably not strong enough to leave anyways. At least, no one would find him here. Or so he thought.

 

Batman observed Jack entering the hidden door of ACE Chemicals. Silently, without making a sound, he followed him. He was curious why of all places, Jack had chosen to come here in the middle of the night, right after loosing his wife in such a tragic event. He wanted to talk to him, to talk some sense back into him. Sometimes people just weren't in their right minds after loosing someone. After all, he had made a quite similar experience as a child. He walked down the narrow path and entered the great concrete hall that was staffed with vats of some sort of acid. And there was Jack, sitting on the overpass of the metal construction high above the steaming and bubbling liquid. He was staring down.

 

,,Sir”, Batman called out. And Jack immediately turned his head towards him. His eyes were unfocused and his mind clearly needed more time to process who it was, that was standing right there in front of him. But then, all of a sudden, he jumped on his weak feet. Jack wasn't crying, not even shocked, he was simply angry. His eyes were filled with disgust and rage and his bandages leaked blood. ,,YOU!” He shouted, accusingly pointing the finger at Batman.

,,You are the reason for all of this!” He supported his words by raising his arms, gesturing what should represent _all_. Bruce was confused. ,,I am so sorry for your loss. But I tried to help your wife. She was gone, nobody could have helped her.” Jack didn't look as if anyone could reason with him. ,,You are GUILTY! You are a fake. You are a FREAK and a...,” he paused, dangerously lowering his voice ,,...murderer.”  
He was whispering, eyes fixed on Batman.

Bruce took a step closer to Jack, defensively holding up his hands. Jack must have gone mad. He couldn't truly believe that he, Batman, was a murderer, could he?

But then Jack attacked him out of nowhere. He jumped him, punched his face, scratched and beat him. Usually, the Batman was perfectly capable of defending himself, but this wasn't a criminal, it was a grieving husband! When the next fist hit him, he blocked the attack with his shielded arm, causing the dizzy Jack to take a few steps back. One step, two steps... trembling on weak legs. When Jack realized his mistake, it was already too late. He tried to get a grip of the metal construction to win back balance. But neither the fast reaction of Batman who tried to pull him back nor the strong hand that was reaching down to help him were able to save Jack from his fate. And then he fell.

 

Batman stood on the overpass towering several meters above the huge vats, watching in terror as the lifeless body of Jack disappeared into the green-yellowish poison. He first tried to reach into the acid to save him, to pull him out, but it instantly melted away his armor and burnt his hand. He couldn't help the man, not anymore. Bruce sighed. He was shocked and saddened. The husband must be dead, he figured. Nobody could survive this. First, he wanted to call Gordon, but what could Gordon possibly do? If the police finally reached here, Jack`s body most likely would have completely dissolved. Tormented by guilt, he finally left this horrible place. No one knew who Jack truly was, no other family left, no one to miss him. Sadness washed over him. This was a terrible way to leave this world, but Bruce couldn't change it anymore. All he could do was go home. Even though it didn't feel right to leave him here, it felt worse to pull the mutilated body out and burry him with no one there to grieve. This was a very dark day in Batman`s life. However, he couldn't possibly know how much darker it would get.

 

Jack fell and he knew, this was it. He stared at the metal construction that grew higher and higher with every meter he fell. Then, his head crashed hard against the rusty wall of the vat, sending electrifying shivers down his spine, knocking him out for a few seconds. But as soon as his body vanished under the surface of the chemical liquid, he felt the impact. His skin, eyes and countless scars started to burn as if he was on fire. He thought that mus be the feeling of being torched alive. His clothes and bandages melted away. His lungs screamed for air and almost collapsed. Synapses went crazy and high-wired his brain. But he didn't die. Well, at least not physically. He drowned and he felt like it took forever. He was waiting for the numbness and the cold arms of death. When he reached the bottom, pressure sensors of the vat set off the silent alarm and the liquid got drained. At first, Jack didn't know where he was. His eyes were sealed by thick gooey slime. Coughing hard and trying to catch a breath, he finally regained consciousness. There he was, completely helpless, horribly mutilated but still breathing. But it wasn't Jack who emerged with bleached white skin, fluorescent green hair and metallic glowing eyes, it was someone else. He opened his eyes and glanced at the ceiling. Even though he`d been drowning a few seconds earlier, he felt strong now. Somehow invigorated. _What funny turn of events,_ he thought, and a chilling rough laughter escaped his lips, bouncing from the walls of the huge concrete hall.

He lifted himself up and climbed out of the vat. His wounds had stopped bleeding and shone in a ghosty white against his skin. Nasty and ugly thoughts hunted through his brain. He remembered the horrible events of the past hours only as distant gruesome flashbacks of blood, pain, more blood and chaos. Instead of terror he felt...nothing. No that wasn't true, he felt... amused. He crackled silently, jolting his head back and rolling his eyes. That was when he realized, he was not Jack Napier anymore. Jack Napier, who is that? _Hahahaha what a stupid name. What a pathetic little man he`d been._ He started to laugh again, then suddenly stopped and looked around him. Batman, the nasty Bat, he was gone and this... mhmm.. what was his name again? Well, never mind. This person whose name he just forgot, this person was dead, killed by the fall, eliminated by chemicals. His thoughts were those of someone new. _New and improved,_ he giggled, remembering the comment from a TV commercial. Not just his appearance had changed, his mind had too. He was someone completely different, reborn, as you might say. He was free of guilt, free of remorse. Those chemicals must have done quite the number on that self-pitying weakling. He didn't feel sad, he felt nothing but rage and the glee of criminal and chaotic energy rushing through his blood. His anger was directed towards the Batman. Maybe the remains of his old self, or the realization of his new self. Whatever. This wacko, Bat-man, praised himself to be good and fair, but he dressed like a teenager on Halloween. And he was a self-righteous freak, that had caused death. Yes, _death,_ he thought and chuckled darkly. It could hit anyone, anywhere. It was as random as life was fragile. Stupid people who believed in the good and the safety of this world.

,,Fucking nothing is safe, you idiots”, he shouted, throwing his fists in the air. He was pleased when the echo reached him, repeating his words born of an angry outburst. What an idiot that little man had been, following rules of society, making plans in a world with so many unknown factors, obeying the law. _Pff..._ Where had it gotten him?! _No.... wheeeere_. The true and only constant in this universe was... violence, pain and chaos. Because it did not discriminate, it did not favor nor choose, it was... fair. It just happened. To anyone at any time. _Yes_ , he thought, feeling all excited. He was finally free of those restraints and stupid rules. Free of fear and guilt, free of fucking everything. Free of his stupid wife who made him believe the world was a good place, when the universe had tried to teach him better ever since his childhood. Now, he would teach those people and laugh at their ignorance and stupidity. He absentmindedly licked his dry lips, resembling a snake tasting the air for the scent of prey. Oh yeah he would teach them! He would teach Gotham a lesson. He would show them the real world. And then, he would set the world on fire.

 


	2. First Encounter

**CHAPTER 2** : First Encounter

\--------------------------------------------------

I'm peeling the skin off my face  
'Cause I really hate being safe  
The normals, they make me afraid  
The crazies, they make me feel sane

Melanie Martinez – Mad Hatter

 

Five years later  
  
Some time passed since the accident and ,,The Joker” was now well known and vastly feared. But no one actually _knew_ who he was. No one knew that he was the man who had disappeared into nowhere a few years back. In Gotham, tragedies happened every day. All they knew was, that the Joker just popped up one day. And then, things got really bad for Gotham. In just a few months, he had managed to take over most of the underground criminal territory, he scorched City Hall, robbed several banks and butchered some of Gotham`s finest and most famous people. He was erratic and his jokes always ended with bloodshed or something blowing sky-high. He released hell over Gotham and no one felt safe anymore. They called him mad and crazy, but never in public. People were afraid, on edge and everything seemed to crumble. Until the day Batman finally caught him and dumped him at the front door of Arkham Asylum. That day, the Joker was just about to acquire a great amount of weapons at the docks, when the ugly bat turned up. Batman beat him up but the crazed man just laughed. Bruce might not have known why, but the Joker had his reasons. Batman didn't recognize him. Him, the creation of Gotham`s dark knight himself. It was just too ironic not to laugh. But it didn't change the fact, that the Joker was now locked up. Maybe not for long, but long enough to encounter someone special.

 

\-------------------------------------------------

A few months later,

Gotham City, Apartment of Dr. Harleen Quinzel

 

Harleen woke up right before her alarm set off. _Ha!_ , She thought, _beat ya to it!_ No wonder, considering how excited she was. Today was a very special day. She stretched her arms and legs and swiftly got off her bed. Happily humming a giddy song to herself, she opened the door to her tiny bathroom, took off her nightgown and enjoyed a hot shower. When the hot water was pouring on her skin Harleen`s thoughts ran wild with excitement. Almost a year ago, she graduated with a Ph.D. in psychology. When she left the university in Metropolis, she started work as an assistant to Dr. Joan Leland at the Arkham Asylum in order to gain some hands-on experience with the kind people that interested her the most; the criminally insane, the dangerous and brutally deranged of Gotham City. Ironically, her former professor, Jonathan Crane (now known as Scarecrow), went completely mad and attempted to poison the whole city. Now he was locked away as a permanent resident of Arkham Asylum. After the incident Harleen became famous due to several publications about the abyss of the human mind and not much later, she had been hired by Dr. Arkham as a member of staff at the Arkham Asylum. Now she was treating higher priority patients. She helped and supervised many of the criminally insane, making a name for herself. She had never treated anyone as famous as the Killer Croc or Nygma (The Riddler), but she gained the trust of Dr. Arkham, who just recently granted her permission to work on level 4, namely, to treat one of the most dangerous residents at the Arkham Asylum! Even though she did not know whom she was assigned to, it still was a major step up from her current situation.

 

Harleen, still lost in her thoughts, put on make-up, brushed her wavy blond hair and tucked it back into a tight bun. Then she got all her files and credentials together, put on her glasses and got dressed. Getting dressed was easy when working at Arkham, since all staff members were ordered to wear the exact same clothes. For the – not so surprisingly low amount of – women, it consisted of a black pencil skirt and a white blouse. Harleen didn't mind that she had no freedom in choosing her dress, as long as she was allowed to wear high-heels. She always felt invisible and over-looked due to her relatively small size. High-heels made her feel confident and equal to others. She knew it was wrong to define herself over grades, work and height, but ever since she was a child she suffered from a lack of self confidence. The reason? Obviously her achievement - focused and highly demanding yet never satisfied and emotionally cold parents. She was a shrink after all, and it was not hard to deduce where the roots of her emotional short-coming and personal weaknesses were located. But she did not blame her parents anymore. After all, she was a grown woman of 25 years and in a more or less stable but definitely healthy relationship with a good man. It was her first relationship to ever last longer than one year and it made her proud. Sometimes she wasn't sure if she truly loved him. But maybe, she just wasn't capable of truly loving anyone. His name was Guy and he was a construction worker. In the mornings Guy always had to leave early. But today he left her some flowers and a cute card wishing her good luck signed with ` – Love, Guy`.

 

She flipped the card between her fingers and stuffed it into her purse. Who knew, maybe it would actually bring her luck. Just when Harleen planned to sit down to have some breakfast her alarm set off for the second time, reminding her that she had to leave now, in order to arrive at work in time. _No breakfast then,_ she sighed, packed her bag and left the apartment, locking the door behind her.

 

Arkham Asylum was an old institution. Cold, dark stone-walls rose against the cloudy sky. This building truly was horrible, inside and out. It wasn't just old and rotting, but also with an outdated security system (as there were break-outs every now and then) but without proper funding there was no way to upgrade protection and technology. Many would say, luckily they had Batman, who seemed to be chasing the bad and insane through Gotham and kept bringing them back. Well, she didn't like Batman. Mostly because he dressed in a ridiculous costume, seemed to think he was better than anyone else and took justice into his own hands... How was that any different from all the other criminals trapped inside these walls? _Anyways_ , she thought. Harleen climbed the huge stairs at the entrance of Arkham Asylum and flashed her ID card at the security guy guarding the front door. He scanned the barcode on her ID and gave her clearance. Just as she was about to enter the huge building, someone tapped her shoulder. Harleen turned around and looked into the warmly smiling face of Joan Leland. Joan was a beautiful woman with dark, long hair and tanned skin and her brown eyes always seemed to smile. Well, almost always.

,,Hey Harleen, how are you doing?” she asked politely.

Harleen had not seen her for quite some time. But since she used to work for her she realized now that she missed talking to a friendly face, besides her boyfriend.

,,Very good, Joan! In fact, today is my first day with level 4 clearance!”

Joan congratulated her but the smile did not reach her eyes this time.

,,Just be careful, alright? We have lost too many good doctors already.”

Harleen knew Joan meant well but she felt patronized and she did not like it at all.

,,Of course I will. It is not my first day here,” she reminded Joan and gave her a wink.

,,Surely you are right, my dear,” Joan replied. But her worried tone betrayed her words.

They talked for a while, exchanging news, until they decided they had to go now, not to arrive late at work.

,,We will have a coffee sometime,” Joan assured Harleen. Then she left her with another warm smile and waved her hand as she hurried towards the closing doors of the elevator.

Harleen continued her way to Dr. Arkham`s office, which was on level 1 with all the other offices.

Nervous and even a tiny bit anxious she knocked at his door.

,,Come on in,” he answered.

Harleen entered the office that was equipped with a cozy and inviting couch. No one, except for Dr. Arkham, had a couch in their office. _Probably due to money issues_ , she thought.

,,Ahh.. Dr. Quinzel. Nice to see you,” he started the sentence, then paused and searched hectically for some documents. He looked her in the eyes and continued , ,,You are here about your level 4 clearance.”

It wasn't a question, he simply stated it matter-of-factly.

Harleen gave him a quick nod.

,,Alright then. Since it is just you who got the clearance, you can choose between certain patients. At the moment we truly are under-staffed and we could use some good publicity about the progress we make here.”

His ernest and demanding voice made it clear that she had to surpass his expectations since Arkham Asylum desperately needed funding.

,,Of course Dr. Arkham! I've already prepared myself by going through all the files of our current level 4 residents and studied their safety requirements. Although...,” she paused, ,,I am wondering whether those inhumane restraints are really necessary? They aren`t animals!”

She glanced at him with a quizzical look on her face.

,,Indeed it is necessary, Dr. Quinzel. There is a reason why we don`t have many applicants. You need to know that these criminally insane on level 4 are unlike any other insane person that you might have treated or come across before. They are devious and highly intelligent but most of all extremely dangerous!”

Again, _people are so patronizing_ , she thought, _I am a trained psychologist, not some school girl_. Why did people always underestimate her? She suffered under the constant pressure to prove herself and her intelligence to others. .

,,Of course, Dr. Arkham,” she replied, making a fist with her hand.

,,Well then, which one of the patients would you like to treat?”

Harleen already knew which one she wanted, but she made sure not to answer too quickly.

,,I`d like to start therapy with patient #4074,” she replied. Then, she added, ,,he seems the candidate with the most potential to stir the public interest and since he is so well known it would certainly be worth some articles in the press. You know, some sort of good publicity?”

Dr. Arkham glanced at her, worried but also intrigued. He knew it wasn't a good idea to feed a sheep like her to the wolf, but she sure had a point. He was desperate. But was it worth the risk? Patient #4047 was the major cause for their lack of staff members, whoever didn't get killed quit their job.

,,Alright, Harleen. But I advise you to keep all safety instructions in mind and to report to me whenever there is something of concern!”

 _YES!_ She couldn't believe it! She got patient #4047, better known as the clown prince of crime. She got the Joker!

Barely keeping her excitement under control, she thanked Dr. Arkham and was about to leave the office, when he called her name again.

,,Dr. Quinzel. Please do not think you can heal him. It should be our aim to help, but sometimes... well, sometimes there is just nothing that we can do. Some of them aren`t sick, they are just... wrong.”

He frowned and then told her to leave his office, as he had other work to do now.

 

Happy and excited she left the office and opened her own at the other end of the hallway. Her office was much smaller than his, but brighter, due to an additional window. She sat down at her desk and started her Laptop to check for new mail. Several messages popped up from various friends and colleagues including one from Dr. Arkham. It was sent only a few minutes ago. ,,Hmmm...,” she hummed to herself and clicked _open._

 

_Dear Dr. Quinzel,_

_I hereby send you the weekly schedule for your sessions with patient #4047:_

_Monday 10:15 -11:30_

_Wednesday 13:00 – 14:15_

_Friday 13:00 – 14:15_

_Please keep these sessions regular and the time constant to allow for a steady therapy._

_You`ll be starting tomorrow. I advise you to come prepared._

_Cheers and good luck,_

_Dr. J. Arkham_

 

 _Alright then_ , she thought to herself, getting nervous again. But her day was full of administrative work. She was always busy and it helped to focus on something else than her first session with the Joker. After work she drove straight home.

 

,,Harleen. You`re back!“ Guy shouted when she opened the door to her apartment.

,,Yes, and guess who I got assigned to?”she asked. A child-like grin spread across her face.

Guy was immediately worried. Not that he didn't support her with her work but she just liked to study those creeps a little too much. The fact that she was happy and excited like a kid in a candy store was indeed a reason to worry. She must have gotten the worst psycho ever.

,,I got assigned to the Joker!” she cheered in excitement.

 _Oh no_ , Guy thought. Why the hell did Dr. Arkham assign a petite and fragile woman like her to the world`s most dangerous and probably most insane person?

He tried to smile but he just couldn't manage a decent one.

Harleen noticed the hesitation and red anger flushed her face. She had been studying the minds of those criminals for quite some time now, was even able to show a great record of practical experience. And yet, everyone doubted her. It just wasn't fair.

,,I see,” she replied sourly, shooting him one of her angry glares.

He knew he hurt her, but he just couldn't support such a dangerous decision.

,,Harls, you know I don`t doubt your abilities and professionalism,” he added, ,,I am just worried you might be taking on too much. You know?”

 

But Harleen didn't want to hear his apologies. She knew she was different from others and had interests that other people could not understand. But how could they? She experienced parental abandonment, a cold and intellect-driven upbringing and serious physical abuse in her last romantic relationship. After a few weeks of butterflies and roses, it turned out that her sweet ex-fiancé Chad had a very bad temper and showed traits of psychopathy. He constantly manipulated and hurt her. At first it was the small things but then it got bad. She loved him, so she endured it. Until he almost got her killed. It took her four years and a change of scenery to be able to put it behind her. But ever since then, she tried to understand what was going on in a mind like that. How and why people were capable of committing abuse, or even murder. She never told Guy. She had never told anyone. Well, almost anyone. Her parents knew but didn't care. They thought she was exaggerating. But how could she be angry at Guy, when she didn't even trust him enough to share her reasons and her past with him?

She sighed.

,,I know, Guy. Look, I know I am difficult. But that is the way I am. I cannot change or abandon my work and my job. People would kill to get my spot at Arkham Asylum.” _Oh well_ , she thought, _that was a lie, but people did get killed there_. She internally smiled about her own dark joke but kept it to herself.

,,Look I think we need a time-out Guy.”

His eyes locked with hers. He was handsome, tall, kind tempered, sensitive and understanding. A perfect choice and probably the only healthy thing in her life, ever. But he didn't understand her work. And her work was part of her. She could never explain nor show him the darker and scarred parts of her soul. She was afraid he would turn his back on her. So she decided to end it herself, before it hurt too much to separate.

Guy stared at her. Hurt, very hurt and in total disbelief.

,,Harleen, where is this coming from? Don`t you think we should talk about that?”

,,No. I love you Guy. I really really do! I just need some time to think and maybe it could be good for us, some time apart, you know?!”

He tried to hide his sadness behind an understanding smile. Ever so sweet.

,,Of course, Harls. But you know, you can always talk to me. I`ll do my best to understand.”

Now he got to her. She felt her eyes getting watery and quickly turned away. She wasn't comfortable sharing emotional weaknesses with others. Not even with her boyfriend.

Guy tried to hug her but she escaped his arms.

,,No,” she murmured, ,,Please, just... just leave. Okay? I`ll call you, I promise. But I need some alone-time now.”

He shrugged. Packed his stuff into his bag and left, leaving the keys on her kitchen table.

She just now realized what she had done and started sobbing. She was pushing away every good thing in her life. What the fuck was wrong with her? She couldn't hold back the tears any longer and started to cry silently until her eyes were red and swollen. Her stomach growled, reminding her she hadn't eaten all day. So she chewed down a slice of bred and killed a bottle of red wine, before crying herself to sleep in the empty king-sized bed.

 

The next morning she woke up with a huge headache. Her head pounded and she felt as if she had just suffered a serious beating. The light in her dimly-lit bedroom tormented her overly sensitive eyes. _Fuck,_ she thought, _fuck, fuck, fuck_. Slowly, careful not to get up too fast, she shoved herself out of bed and stumbled into the bathroom. _Holy cow_ , she looked like a zombie.

,,I can`t show up at work like that,” she mumbled to herself. She decided to get a hot shower and as much coffee into her system as possible. Afterwards she felt a tiny bit better and made herself ready for the day. That was when it hit her: Today at 1pm was her session with the Joker. She was not only emotionally unstable but suffered from a massive hangover. _Damn, Harleen, why do you keep ruining yourself?!_ She sighed an checked her watch. It showed 11am. Ok, not that late. She decided she would eat something and then head right over to work.

 

It was 12:05 when she arrived at her office. She actually looked pretty decent, even though she still had a massive headache. _Some aspirins might help_ , she thought. She popped two and sat down on her office chair. Harleen switched on her laptop and started reading through the Joker`s file again. Several diagnosed mental illnesses, probably all of them wrong. No real name, no known age nor background. Wow, there really was no need to study his file again, since it was almost empty anyways. Well, except for his extensive criminal record and body count. She had written a paper about the Joker in Grad-school, but that was focused on his personal alterations and their possible cause. The clock ticked and soon it was 12:45. She was nervous, very nervous. That was when someone knocked on her door.

,,Come in,” she answered. The door opened and Mr. Cash, the head of security, stood in front of her.

,,Dr. Quinzel, I am here to get you all settled in the secure room for your therapy session.”

Harleen was relieved that someone took her there, she didn't trust her brain to find the room by herself at the moment. Equipped with an interrogation sheet and a pencil, she followed Mr. Cash up to the level 4 interrogation room, which was reserved for the creeps and violent cases, all requiring maximum security.

 

The room was painted white and was completely empty, except for two chairs and a table. One chair was bolted into the floor with several heavy metal chains being attached to it to secure the patient. She glanced at the chains, then at Mr.Cash. She was not afraid, rather curious. He picked up her quizzical look and answered, ,,Well, we have had some issues in earlier sessions, so we decided that a straightjacket just wasn't enough.”

She didn't ask anything else and took a seat at the other end of the table. Her heart was beating so loud, she feared someone could notice. Then, finally, the door opened again and two guards rolled in what had to be the Joker. He was strapped to a wheelchair and restrained with a straightjacket. His head hung down, as if he was asleep. The guards lifted him and chained him to the chair on the opposite side of the metallic table that separated them.

She pressed _start_ on the camera, that was there to document their sessions. She asked the guards to leave. They hesitated at first but eventually they left, leaving her alone with the most dangerous and wicked man at Arkham Asylum.

 

She gathered her strength, then cleared her throat and stated for the camera, ,,Session one with patient #4047. Present psychologist Dr. Harleen Quinzel.”

The Joker didn't move. But she could hear him breath. It was silent but not rhythmical.

,,Mr. Joker, how are you today?” she asked as politely and self confident as she could manage.

He didn't respond. He just kept looking down, not moving at all.

She waited a few seconds before she rephrased the question.

,,How are you feeling today, sir?” she asked again. Feeling more insecure now.

That was when she heard him chuckle. He lifted his head and tilted it sidewards, shooting her an amused but piercing look.

She had seen him on TV before, even in her file there was a picture of him. But to see him up close was just intimidating. His skin was chalk white. She had never seen anything like this before. His face was completely... cold. No emotions, just plain white with a small tattoo on his forehead. _No eyebrows_ , she thought, _creepy_. The two piercing, ice blue eyes seemed dead and his hair was an unnatural neon green. His dry lips were blood-red, revealing a row of fake metallic teeth. She remembered, the Batman punched his teeth out. That must have hurt. He smiled at her, but not friendly nor happy. It was a mean smile. The Joker was supposed to be the clown prince, but nothing about him was funny.

,,Sir?” he replied. Utterly amused.

,,Why so formal, Dr. Quin...zel?” he asked. He raised a non existent eye-brow, clearly mocking her.

She didn't engage.

,,So, would you mind telling me how you are feeling today?” she insisted, trying not to give away how nervous she was.

,,Hmm...,” he growled.

,,Would I mind?” he asked himself, dangerously lowering his voice.

,,Yes, I would mind,” he finally answered, showing off his shining row of fake teeth. He looked like a predator on the hunt.

,,How are YOU feeling today, Harleen?” he asked, again tilting his head, observing her with an interested glance of his cold eyes.

,,It is Dr. Quinzel, and I am fine, thanks,” she replied, trying to keep it professional.

,,You don`t look fine,” he stated, ,,You look like crap. You should get more sleeeeep. I heard the dead sleep best,” he chuckled.

His voice wasn't concerned, it was cold and dark. He clearly tried to intimidate her. Apparently he had noticed the carefully concealed black bags under her eyes. Even though Harleen had more than enough coffee today to keep her awake, he had noticed that she was in fact tired. He had to be very observant.

This wasn't going the way she had planned. He wasn't cooperating at all. He was turning Harleen`s questions back at her. _Damn_ , she thought, _Harleen, you are not ready for this_.

 

The Joker observed the young and clearly naive doctor opposite to him. At first he thought it was a joke. Why else would they send him a dumb blonde, barely over 25? It wasn't like he didn't have a track record of dead psychologists. Male and female. _No gender discrimination_ , he thought to himself with a nasty smile. But after a few minutes he noticed that she wasn't as dumb as he had initially assumed. She tried to appear strong. But she wasn't. She had issues. He knew. He just needed to find out what, so that he could poke on it until she broke. Or maybe he would kill her. He wasn't entirely sure yet. But he knew that he put her off her game, he could tell. Well, that was no surprise. But she didn't seem to be scared. He wanted to scare her. Just a little. He was bored here at Arkham Asylum and he decided he would grant her a few answers. Anything was better than the dripping dark cell that he occupied most of the time.

,,I am bored,” he stated, ,,The food is bad, the company dull, the beds not really comfy... you get my point dear, don`t you?” he asked with a much softer voice this time.

 

Surprised but happy to get an answer she took an upright position in her chair, ready to continue.

,,Well,” she answered, ,,The Asylum isn`t the Four Seasons but you have no one else to blame than yourself for landing in here.”

Why did she just say that? He finally answered her question and now she was insulting him. _Oh my, I will end up just like all the others._

 

Well, well, she could hit back. _Interesting_ , the Joker thought. Maybe she wasn't that insecure either.

,,You got me there,” he replied and winked.

 

Harleen realized that he was toying with her. She expected him to play games, it was part of his character. Well, two of them could play that game. As long as he continued answering her questions.

,,Do you know what got you here?” she asked, picking up her pen.

He raised a non-existent eyebrow, clearly disappointed by her question.

,,Do I look like I`m suffering from memory loss?” he hissed at her.

Then he started to smile ,,Batman got me her. All the way!”  
Harleen observed the sudden change in his attitude. What did he mean by ,,all the way”?

,,As far as we know, you don`t remember your real name, nor the circumstances that created your persona of the Joker.”

Instead of an answer, he just jolted his head back, releasing a cold and insane laughter.

Harleen felt icy shivers traveling down her spine.

,,It doesn't matter why I am the way I am. We are who we are.”

,,I disagree Mister Joker, we choose who we are and most of the time, there are events that push us towards a certain direction.”

,,Oh Honey,” he addressed her, ,,Just because the monster may be dormant inside of us doesn't mean that it isn`t there. Sometimes, all it takes to wake it up is **one bad** **day**.”

He emphasized the last three words.

 

 _Finally something useful_ , Harleen thought. She had to admit, he clearly was very intelligent. She could tell by the careful choice of his words. It showed both his high level of communication and social understanding and the disregard of her position as his doctor. He had the skill to use it against her, hiding it behind sweet talk.

She noted down the words _manipulative, glib_ and _smart._ She knew, all of these traits were mostly associated with psychopaths. It would be interesting to know how high he scored on Hare`s test for psychopathy. Probably pretty high, also taking his criminal and violent behavior into consideration, he would most likely reach something at the upper end of thirty, or even a straight forty. Of course, letting him answer to those kind of questions would be useless. He would lie anyways, even if it was just for sport. But from his answers to other questions and his demeanor, she might be able to tell the truth. At least up to some point. After all, he was a master of manipulation. But did he truly not feel any kind of remorse or guilt? No empathy at all? Maybe he was just the victim of a mental trauma.

 

She glanced at him and tried to imagine him, dressed and styled like a normal person, without tattoos and physical alterations. She couldn't.

He hadn't said a word and just sat quietly in his chair, waiting for her to ask something. The tranquilizers that the guards shot him up with right before the session were working and he felt drowsy.

,,Do you want me to arrange something for you to make you feel more comfortable here?”

She asked, instantly regretting her outburst of compassion.

He moved his restrained upper body closer to the table, just as far as the chains allowed, and eyed her with a sudden peaked interest.

He noticed her compassion and decided to show some emotion. Of course it was fake, but she would fall for it. She expected there was still a human being sitting at the other end of the table, hiding behind the mask of the Joker. Well, she was wrong. He WAS the Joker.

 

,,Actually...,” he sighed, suddenly appearing very tired. ,,..These tranquilizers that the guards give me right before the sessions wear me out quite a bit. I think we have to cut this session short, I don`t feel awake enough to participate anymore. You understand, my dear, don`t you?” _Damn, I am convincing,_ he flattered himself.

 

Harleen suddenly felt pity for him. And angry. Angry about the guards who interfered without permission, undermining her therapy sessions in such a radical way.

,,Of course, I will see what I can do,” she promised.

 

 _That was too easy_ , he thought, _Where is that wit I spotted earlier?_ But he didn't go so far as to mock her. After all, it was beneficial if these idiots took him off tranquilizers. So, no complaining there.

,,That`d be great, honey,” he purred.

,,Dr. Quinzel, please,” she corrected him, feeling undermined in her position as a professional psychologist.

,,Alright then...,” she stated, trying to hide her insecurity from his ever so observant glance.

,,See you Friday 1pm, Mister Joker.”

,,Mr.J., please,” he countered.

,,Mr.J. then,” she acknowledged.

She knocked on the door to signal the guards that they could take him away. And so they did. When they rolled him out in his wheelchair, he gave her a quick wink and a disarming smile, before he disappeared in the hallway.

She wasn't flattered, she was flat-out terrified.

 


	3. Something broken inside

**CHAPTER 3:** Something broken inside

\-------------------------------------------

You're always crazy like that.  
And I watched from my window,  
Always felt I was outside looking in on you.  
You're always the mysterious one with  
Dark eyes and careless hair

Jewel – Foolish Games  


Back in her office, when she was finally all by herself again, she crawled up in her cozy reading chair with a soft wooly blanket and went through her notes while uploading the video of her session to the Arkham internal VPN server. _What an interesting person_ , she thought. What did he mean by one bad day was sufficient to bring out the monster within? What had happened to him, that he`d become this cold person.

It knocked on her door.

,,Yes, who is it?” she answered in a rather harsh way. She hated being interrupted in her thoughts.

Dr. Joan Leland entered her office and gave her a quick, dismissive look. Harleen shrugged and offered Joan an innocent smile.

,,So...,” Joan started, ,,how did it go with the Joker?”

Harleen was too tired to explain the whole session so she just showed her the recorded tape and her notes. Joan was impressed.

,,Wow. I must admit, I didn't expect him to say anything. However I would advise you not to take his words for bare coin. He can be very misleading, his intentions aren`t good. You get me, right?”

Harleen completely agreed.

,,Yes, I am wondering though...,” she paused, ,,You know, I imagine his score on Hare`s psychopathy test to be very high. But if he truly was a psychopath, there should be physiological evidence and abnormalities in his brain activity. I doubt it to be inherent but maybe due to certain circumstances and,” she added, ,,considering his many scars, he could have suffered some sort of trauma to the frontal lobe. It would explain his lack of empathy and his impulsiveness as well as the anti-social behavior. Though, I am not completely sure if he is not simply and plainly mad either.”

Joan nodded.

,,Very true, Harleen. Although, I don`t think the Joker would allow you to perform a PET scan of his brain. We still need consent of the patients for medically unnecessary and supplementary treatments. And the funding is a problem too. Maybe you could convince Dr. Arkham to allow it. If he believes it to be valuable, he could order a PET scan for the Joker.”

Harleen thought about it but she decided she wouldn't go behind the Joker`s back. If she wanted information, he had to trust her first.

 

Joan had left and Harleen sent all her notes and the recording over to Dr. Arkhams laptop. Hopefully he would be as pleased as Joan was by the results of their first session.

She decided to go home, it was already past six and she felt tired and worn-out. She was looking forward to her cozy little apartment, a hot cup of tea and a hug from.. _.oh!_ It hit her with the force of a speeding car. Guy wasn't there anymore. She remembered last night`s dispute and felt as if it just happened moments ago. She had to distract herself from her relationship problems, at least for now. It was too fresh. She knew it was right to take a break, no matter how much it hurt and how bad she felt about it. So instead of calling or visiting Guy, she drove straight home and took her second hot shower that day. Afterwards, she felt a tiny bit better. She switched on her laptop and logged in to her personal VPN account. She searched the data base for video recordings of previous sessions with the Joker, but she couldn't find any. At least none that were working. _Weird,_ she thought. There had to be something. But whenever she tried to access a file, an error occurred informing her `Error 303. Content removed or deleted due to graphic display of violence` _. Oh my God_ , she gasped. What had he done to those other doctors before her? She didn't want to think about that right now. She had already enough on her plate at the moment. In fact, more than she could deal with. She decided to go to bed. She really needed some proper sleep. Just as she finally drifted off and was on the verge of falling asleep a cold mocking voice filled her subconscious ,, _I heard the dead sleep best”_ followed by a taunting laughter that gave her the chills.

 

That night the Joker didn't sleep much either. Awake and brooding he laid stretched out on top of his cot, staring at the dripping ceiling of his cell. Today turned out to be a unique opportunity. That girl, Harleen ( _what a dreadful name_ ), could prove herself to be useful. She was so easy to manipulate, he could feel it. She was desperately seeking approval and would do anything for acknowledgement. If he got her to decrease security and observation, he might be able to escape. He still had a lot of valuable connections outside of Arkham Asylum. How difficult could it be to get a gun in here, he wondered. _Should be feasible_. A diabolical and callous smile spread across his ghost-white face. He knew he found his ticket to leave this hell-hole. Now he just had to get her where he wanted her. _I`m gonna tear you down little Harleen, let`s see who`s hiding underneath that mask of yours._

 

The next day was Thursday. Harleen woke up much more relaxed than the morning before. She almost slept until noon. Yawning, she tried to reach the laptop without getting out of bed, which caused her to fall from the bedside, crashing hard on her hips. ,,Ouch,” she cried out loud, rubbing her sore hip. But then she had to laugh about her own stupidity. She got up, grabbed the laptop and planted herself back in the middle of her huge bed, switching on her favorite electronic device.

She checked for e-mails and found one of Dr. Arkham.

 

_Dear Dr. Quinzel,_

_I watched the recording and read your notes. You indeed did a very good job in your first session._

_Dr. Leland came by to see me this morning, telling me about your brilliant idea with the PET scan. Let me know if you want me to order one._

_Have a nice day off. Until tomorrow._

_All the best,_

_Dr. J. Arkham_

 

 _Damn_ , Harleen thought. Why did Joan have to tell Arkham about her idea without asking her first? She didn't want to go behind the Joker`s back. Not after their first session. They had to get to know each other better and establish some trust. She wanted to get his consent. She wanted him to agree out of his own free will. This would mean a huge success in therapy.

She decided to call Arkham and inform him about her decision over the phone. No time to waste.

The phone rang several times until he finally picked up.

 

,,Dr. Jonathan Arkham here!”

,,Hello Dr. Arkham, here`s Harleen.”

,,Dr. Quinzel? I did not expect your call today. Is everything alright?”

,,Sure, everything is fine. I just wanted to let you know that I do not want you to order a PET scan without the Joker`s consent. I find, it should be coming from him, maybe in a later phase of our therapy after I have established some trust.”

It was silent on the other end for a few seconds.

,,Hmm... alright, it`s your call. But if you want me to sign it, just let me know.”

Suddenly she remembered the promise she gave the Joker the other day.

,,Sir, If I may, I would like to reduce security during our therapy sessions, it just doesn't support a trustworthy basis for a conversation. And with the tranquilizers that the guards shoot him up with, he is not able to keep awake for the whole therapy session. I request that it be stopped.”

,,You sure are asking a lot, Dr. Quinzel. Security won`t be reduced, I am sorry but it is for me to decide whether the risk is too high or not. And it clearly is.”

Harleen instantly remembered the error files in the data base hinting towards graphic content. Her stomach rebelled.

,,As for the tranquilizers,” he continued, ,,I will order them to cease the injections. I feel with all the security precautions taken, we can allow him to be fully conscious.”

Harleen was a little disappointed that he wouldn't allow her to reduce the security measures. But maybe it was a good thing. After all, _better safe than sorry_ , she thought. At least he agreed to stop the guards with pumping him full of these mind numbing drugs.

,,Alright then,” Dr. Arkham said. And with these words he just hung up.

 _Nice,_ she thought, rolling her eyes at the phone.

 

It was Friday, 12:45 pm and Harleen was already waiting in the white clinical interrogation room and started the recording.

At 12:57 pm she heard footsteps and the wheelchair approaching in the hallway. Mr. Cash opened the doors and dragged the Joker in. Just like last time, he chained him to the chair and then left without a word and locked the room behind him. _Okay,_ Harleen thought, _so much for politeness..._

 

,,Psychologist Dr.Harleen Quinzel, session number two with patient #4047,” she stated for the camera.

,,Hello Mr.J,” she started the conversation, addressing him with the name he had given her last time.

,,I hope for the guard`s sake that he didn't inject you with any kind of tranquilizer this time.”

The Joker looked up and their eyes locked. He was even more menacing when he was fully conscious. She knew that he hadn't been injected this time. The whole room was filled with his presence.

,,No drugs this time Doc,” he replied with a small, appreciative smile.

All of a sudden, he seemed much more timid than just seconds ago. She found it remarkable how fast his mood could swing from one extreme into the other.

,,You look better Doc, much better than last time,” he stated with a smug smile.

She didn't respond to that. All she did was taking notes.

,,Harrrrrleeeeen Quinnnzeeelll,” he murmured and chuckled.

,,Do your friends call you Harley?”

 

She wasn't prepared for a personal question. Where did that come from? A little thrown off her game she responded without thinking, ,,I don`t have that many friends...”

 _Damn_ , why did she just say that? No sharing of personal information, that was one of the most important rules.

The Joker was surprised by her answer. She always seemed so fucking uptight and bitchy before and now he was sure that this insecurity he spotted earlier was real. He would crack her open and tear that fake politeness down. But first he needed to get to her. Manipulating the human mind was easy when there were no moral concerns and ethical restraints to consider.

Coquettishly tilting his head to his left side, he offered her a big inviting smile.

,,Well, Harley, you've got one now.”

,,Dr. Quinzel,” she corrected him. But her voice almost broke and sounded very insecure. _Show no weakness, Harleen!_ She reminded herself and desperately tried to regain her confidence.

,,So enough about me. Let`s talk about you.”

He looked at her and chuckled again.

,,What if I want to talk about you?” he asked provokingly, clearly intending to make her blush. It worked. She blushed because he hit a weak spot. She had always been a loner and not a popular girl, desperately seeking appreciation of her parents and friends. How dare he to prey on her vulnerability and the craving for attention. _Of course he does,_ she reminded herself _, he is a psychopath. They do that!_

,,There won`t be any talking at all if you keep up annoying me Mr. Joker!” she hissed at him. Harleen instantly regretted her non professional outburst of anger, feeling his mood change towards a much less pleasant one in less than a second.

 

He eyed her suspiciously. What she thought was anger was actually surprise. He thought it would be easy as pie to break her, but damn, that girl got a temper of her own. He started to see behind the mask of the well behaving and kind Harleen. She had potential. This was going to be a lot more fun than he initially thought. It would be like unwrapping a present. But he would take his time.

,,So, my dear, squeeze me then. What do you want to know?” he asked ,much more serious than before, almost making her wish that he would turn towards flattery again.

 

Harleen cleared her throat.

,,Well, I would like to know about your bad day. The one you`ve mentioned in our first session.”

,,No”, he replied. Without any hesitation. He didn't look angry or sad or anything. He just sat there, calmly, as if he was frozen in movement. She wouldn't get that answer, she realized that now. At least not today.

,,Okay, so what about your tattoos? Why did you get them?”

,,Oh you know, I am bored a lot. People always take themselves so seriously, try to fit in while hoping to be something special. So desperate...and pathetic!”

He started to snicker. Then he got serious again, eyeing her cautiously.

,,I got them because they show my true self. Turning the inside on the outside.”

But something in his voice was condescending. Maybe he was toying with her, telling her what he knew other people would say about their tattoos.

,,Do you have any, Doc?” he asked, his eyes traveling down her body.

She didn't answer. She still tried to figure out whether he was serious or not about his tattoos but she couldn't tell. He was too good a liar.

,,So you think you are damaged?” she asked.

,,What do you think?” he replied.

 _Yes, you are damaged_ , she thought.

,,Are these all you've got or are there more?”

Now she was curious.

He smiled and winked. She could tell he was about to say something inappropriate again.

,,If you take off my straightjacket ...you know... you can find out for yourself.”

She almost smiled about his smooth attempt to get out of the jacket but instead politely declined.

 

The session went on and the conversation stayed positive. Actually, she found it to be quite pleasant. She was almost disappointed when Mr.Cash showed up, informing her that the time was up. There was just so much more she wanted to ask him, and she was sure, if he was free to speak, without Arkham listening in, he would open up to her. But she would take up that fight with Dr. Arkham another time. Tired and emotionally drained she went straight home.

 

Back at her apartment she found a note that someone must have slipped under her door.

 

 

_Hey Harls,_

_I am so sorry about everything that happened the other night._

_Please call me. We need to talk._

_Love,_

_Guy_

 

 

She sighed. She knew she had to face him again at some point. But with his large innocent puppy eyes and sad look no one could ever tell him _No_.

She had avoided him, because she had already decided that she would end it. Harleen didn't know why she was so sure of it all of a sudden, but she just was. _It is for the best_ , she told herself. She wanted to concentrate on her work and her patients. How exciting it would be to talk to the Joker again on Monday. Maybe he`d finally open up some more.

But despite her general good mood, she couldn't close an eye that night. Guilt and shame about what she had done and was going to do to her loving boyfriend rendered her sleepless.

So she picked up the phone and called Guy.

 

,,Hey...,” a sleepy voice answered.

,,Oh sorry, did I wake you?”

,,No no, Harls, you know you can call me anytime. In fact, I`m gad you called.”

He was? She felt even worse, thinking about what she had decided. He was still under the impression everything would go back to normal.

,,Uhmm... yeah. Look, I wanted to talk to you in person. So maybe we could meet tomorrow for a coffee or so?”

The voice didn't answer. It stayed quiet for quite some time.

,,What is it that you can`t say over the phone Harleen?”

He called her Harleen. Something was wrong. He must have figured out what she tried to hide.

,,Are you breaking up with me?” Guy asked almost hysterically. But before she could say something he started to shout. He never shouted, NEVER. Damn he really must be hurting. She felt like a piece of trash.

,,Harleen, why? Just tell me why! What have I done wrong? Please I`d do anything for you. ANYTHING! Just take me back.”

He paused and then he asked, much more quietly now, ,,Or is there someone else?”

Harleen took a deep breath.

,,Look, Guy, I didn't want to do this over the phone. But now it`s too late anyways. You are a wonderful person. You have done nothing wrong at all. But we have such a different perspective and don`t share any interests apart from us. You could never be happy with me working full time at the Asylum. I never intended to hurt you. I love you. But it is just not enough. Please, let us talk another time and in person. A phone call is no way to end a relationship that is so precious to both of us.”

Silence. Guy didn't answer.

,,Is. There. Someone. Else?” he asked. Stressing each word.

Harleen knew there wasn't. She didn't really have much time to go out and meet other people beside her work at the Asylum. So why did it feel wrong to tell him _No_?

,,No, there isn`t someone else, Guy,” she answered him. But she didn't believe her words. It just wasn't convincing. Why the hell did she feel guilty about telling the truth? It just made no sense. Obviously, Guy noticed the doubt in her voice.

,,Harleen, there is someone else. And I know who it is.”

She was baffled. How could he know when she didn't?

,,It is your unhealthy obsession with your job and those criminals that drives a wall between us. You care about them more than you care about me. And the worst part is, you can`t even admit it.” Without another word he just hung up on her. Harleen waited a few minutes until her brain processed what just happened. Was he right? Yes he was. And she hated herself for it. She knew that she had suffered an extensive psychological trauma with Chad and all the abuse. She never felt like she deserved someone good because she had loved someone who wasn't. She had known from the beginning that he was bad and all those pretty words he said were lies. But she believed him anyways because she wanted to believe him. Because he made her feel as if she could only exist with him. That she was no one without him. He told her he loved her. But those were just words. Sometimes he beat her up and when she was almost ready to call the police on him, he would apologize and she would forgive him. Every time. Chad was a manipulative psycho. Not at all like sweet Guy. Rather... it struck her hard ...much like the Joker. Maybe that was why she wanted to analyze him. She wanted to know how Chad could seem so sweet when he was so horrible. If she could figure out the Joker, maybe that would give her some clues about Chad. Maybe that would help her getting over her issues. Maybe she would finally be free of guilt. Deep down she was convinced, she was the guilty one. Because after all, she had always had the possibility to leave. And she never did. ,,I hate you!” she screamed at herself, looking at her swollen face in the mirror. _You might be beautiful on the outside, Harleen, you might want to be good and compassionate, but you know something is wrong with you. Why else would you let Guy go? Why else would you study criminals and psychopaths._ The voice in her head grew louder and louder until she couldn't take it anymore. ,,STOP!” she shouted. And the voices stopped. Still confused and twisted about herself and her feelings she went to bed and fell asleep. But the nightmares followed her there too. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I found it pretty challenging to write the part about Harley and Guy, because he has such a minor role and yet is important for her later character development. I hope you enjoyed it anyways.


	4. When your house of cards hits the floor

  **CHAPTER 4:** When your house of cards hits the floor

\------------------------------------------------

Tell me how it feels to live a lie  
Tell me do you know that it won't ever be the same  
You can't deny, the house of cards just hit the floor  
  
Alter Bridge – Addicted To Pain

  
  
The weekend seemed to last forever. It was Sunday and Guy had not called nor talked to her ever since that stupid conversation and Lydia (a very good friend she met during gymnastics class several years ago) dodged her calls. Lydia and Guy were friends too. _He must have told her about our fight_ , she thought. This was just such a mess. The only good thing that she was looking forward to was the session on Monday with the Joker. But even that frightened her. He was a sick person. Maybe not as mad as everyone thought, but surely twisted and cunning. And mostly, he brought back dark thoughts. Thoughts she tried to hide behind her sweet smile and kind words. _Certain things should stay buried_ , she thought.

 

To get her thoughts sorted out and forget about her friends that weren't calling nor answering their damn phones, or the pale-white face that seemed to haunt her day and night, she decided she would take up Joan on that coffee meeting.

At least Joan picked up the phone and they met an hour later in the small coffee shop near Harleen`s place.

 

,,Hey Joan! So glad you could make it! How are things?” Harleen asked. She tried her best to sound happy and relaxed.

Joan hugged her friend and colleague.

,,Everything is fine. Some trouble with Two-Face but other than that, I`m splendid.” Harleen knew that Joan wasn't telling the truth, but apparently she had no interest in talking about it, so Harleen let her be.

,,Good, good,” Harleen mumbled, staring at her untouched cup of tea.

,,And you, Harleen? Anything interesting to share?”

Harleen thought about telling her that she was making progress with the Joker, but she hesitated. Joan didn't need to know. She would tell her everything after Monday. Harleen felt that if she gave away too much, she would jinx her luck. And jinxing her luck could end deadly in this case. At least from what she gathered from all the deleted videos of former sessions.

,,Nope, nothing interesting happened,” Harleen lied. Joan looked disappointed but believed her.

The two of them then started a conversation about the moody Mr. Cash and the hovering and ever so controlling Dr. Arkham and ended up talking about the weather, clothes and shoes. Time went by and before they realized it it was already time for dinner. 

 

The next day was Monday. The third session approached with the speed of a fast-train and Harleen didn't even feel like going near to Arkham Asylum. She wasn't truly scared, rather alert and tired at the same time. Guy and Chad hadn't left her thoughts and she had barely gotten some sleep. Her eyes were surrounded by purplish-black half moons that not even the best concealing make-up could hide. _Damn Harleen, you are a wreck_. If she had a session with the Joker in this condition he would eat her alive. It was all about strength – or in her case, the appearance of strength.

So she went to Dr. Arkham and asked to postpone her session to Tuesday. Luckily for her, he agreed and so she went back to her office and popped a sleeping pill. She hung the sign`Do not disturb!` in front of her door and fell asleep on her reading chair.

When she finally woke up, it was already dark and the clock showed half past ten. _Seems like I really did need some sleep_ , she thought. But she felt better already. She packed her things and went back home. When she checked the phone for missed calls, she detected the number of her parents. _No way I`m gonna call them back now,_ she thought. It would not help her situation. Instead, she thought of a few smart questions she wanted to ask tomorrow and she could not stop wondering how the Joker reacted to her, skipping the appointment. Probably he didn't even realize it was Monday.

 

The Joker was still awake at 2am in the morning. _Miss Quinzeeeeel you forgot about me, mhmmm..._ Maybe that was a special shrink method to throw him off his game. She didn't seem the kind though. _Probably a personal matter_ , he thought. He chuckled, thinking about the boring everyday problems people seemed to be so concerned about. He was angry no one had informed him earlier. Life around here was just... so boring! He fantasized about gunning everyone down in here. Relishing in the thought of putting a bullet in each and every annoying guard and staff member. The thought was incredibly soothing.

,,Hey clown, what are you laughing about? It`s fucking two o`clock in the morning.”

It was the Scarecrow. He was always pissed. But he rarely said something. He usually just started to breath angrily. _Coward._

,,Shut up Scarecrow and mind your own fucking business.”

Crane shut up immediately. Sure, everyone at level 4 was annoyed by the Joker, but no one dared to speak up. Someone once did. And the Joker showed him the trick of the disappearing pencil the next day in the recreation room. Needless to say that there was blood and no more recreation room for the Joker.

But apart from that, the clown still had connections and followers outside of Arkham Asylum. So everyone on level 4 knew he would get free eventually. And everyone hoped to be on his list of persons he would free along with him. The Joker was aware of it and he enjoyed the power he had over all the others. Even in here. They were weaklings. But what really bothered him was everything that happened outside of Arkham. Now that he was locked up, his part of Gotham City was there for the taking. Sure, he had his henchmen. But only few of them were loyal, most of them were just scared. And all those little maggots would be fighting now for a piece of his territory. However, the smart ones didn't engage in that turf war, they knew he would eventually break free. And no one wanted the Joker as their enemy. _I need to get out of here._

 

Harleen woke up and felt ready. She had a good night`s sleep and no nightmares. Even her thoughts about Chad had stopped. _Finally,_ she thought. It was still quite early so she brewed some coffee. That was when Lydia called.

,,Hey you, almost forgot you were still alive,” Harleen teased her friend.

,,Hey Harls. I know, I`m so so sorry. I just... I just heard about the thing with Guy. You know... Took me some time to think about it and be able to give you some good advice.”

Harleen snarled, ,,I didn't need advice, Lydia, I needed a friend! It is hard for me too, it`s not like I have no feelings. And I thought you were actually supposed to be MY friend, not his.”

,,I know I know. I`m sorry. It`s just, you tend to fuck up your own life even more than I do. That means something...”

Lydia had been married to a terrorist and had almost gotten herself locked up along with him. She was a bad judge of human nature. She had a thing for bad boys. Something Harleen and Lydia shared.

,,Yeah, you are right. But let`s not talk about it. I've got a session in a few hours and I need to prepare some more. Can I call you back?”

She heard Lyda sigh on the other end. The two of them felt estranged. They weren't as close as they used to be, back then when they both got a gymnastic scholarship. It seemed as if it had been ages ago. And Lydia had always been jealous of her relationship with Guy. _Well, now you can have him_ , Harleen thought sourly.

,,Gotta go now, Lydia,” Harleen said.

,,Bye dear,” Lydia replied and hung up.

Harleen listened to the _beep beep beep_ of the phone and felt alone. She had no one left. At least no one she could trust or talk to without feeling guilty or constantly having to justify herself. _Life sucks_ , she thought. Then she left for the Asylum.

 

,,Dr. Harleen Quinzel, third session with the Joker,” she stated for the camera.

,,No more patient #4047 then,” he glanced at her mockingly.

,,Not necessary I guess, everyone knows who you are.”

Damn, she was in a bad mood today, he could tell. Her flirty attitude was gone. _Personal issues_ , he thought, internally smiling. _I`m always right_.

,,Got a bad day Doc?” he asked innocently. Watching her with false concern.

Harleen looked him in the eyes. Yes, he seemed so innocent. But he wasn't. How could he act so normal and mimic all those emotions? She wanted to know more about him, his ideas, his ...beliefs. _He must believe in something_ , she thought. What is the motivation behind your crimes? What kind of satisfaction do you gain by hurting others?" she asked. Eyeing him with great interest.

Wow, she really wasn't into small-talk today. Fine, fine. _Let`s see how sure you are of your own beliefs_ , _Harley_.

,,Satisfaction? What a...suitable choice of words," he purred, glancing at here with pitch black eyes. Harleen was more than happy now that she had not insisted in taking off his restraints. _Damn he is scary._  

,,Some people claim you aren't human." _That must be provoking_ , she thought and congratulated herself. That caused him to laugh so hard and hysterically that she feared the security glass would shatter any moment.

,,Not human?" he asked, lifting his non-existent eyebrows in amusement.

,,Yes."

,,Well, if you cut into me, don't I bleed?"

,,You do,” she stated matter-of–factly, ,,But that just means you are a living organism that can bleed."

,,So what would you describe as the most important part of humanity?"

She took a moment to think about it, then replied, ,,compassion, a conscience, the awareness of our own death and our skill and ability to plan ahead and complex thinking.”

 _Yeah,_ he thought, _scientist AND humanitarian, how boring._

,,So if I don`t feel guilty, if I don`t care about others, if I don`t scheme, I am not human?” he asked, provokingly. He was staring at her with such intensity that she almost forgot to breath. _This is fun_ , he thought.

,,Of course you are human. But not the good kind then,” she replied. But she didn't seem so sure about it. She still hoped he was lying about the missing conscience and guilt.

,,Back to my question, Mr.J. What is your motivation, what is your perspective on the world?”

,,Mhmm...,” he replied, ,,next time maybe, next time I will answer. But I need a little... tit for tat, you know?” 

Harleen eyed him suspiciously. Should she really play along? But then, better to get something out of him than nothing at all.

,,Alright. I start. Tell me about Batman”

The Joker grinned. ,,Ah... Batsy. Yes. What do you want to know?”

,,Why did you pick him as your adversary. What makes him special to you?”  
The Joker took some time to think. Not about the answer, he knew the answer. But about how much he was going to tell her.

,,Well, the Bat and I go way back. You know, we share something. And he is not that different from me. In fact, he would fit in here probably even more so than me. He is a freak, he likes the attention. But he thinks he is somehow better, that his stupid moral code makes him superior to others. He is a pathetic self-righteous... freak. He stands for everything I am against. It is complicated, you see.”  
Harleen listened attentively. This turned out to be very informative. She took notes.

,,So what is it you two share?” She asked.  
But the Joker wagged his long index finger at her.

,,Ah,ah,ah, Doc. My turn now!”

  
,,Why do you pretend to be someone else? Is it daddy issues? Bad childhood? All of the above?” He smirked.  
Harleen was taken aback. She sure as hell wasn't going to answer that. And after all, she did not pretend, did she? But she had agreed to his game, so now she had to follow through.

,,I don`t think that I am pretending to be someone else. My childhood was fine.”

  
The Joker observed her reaction. She was so stiff and uptight. There was something. Of course, the boyfriend. She completely ignored that line of answer.

,,Oh, but you are pretending, Doc. Why else would you try to appear so professional with your glasses and your ridiculous bun. You are the poster girl for low self esteem!” He snickered darkly and glanced at her with piercing eyes.

,,I am betting on the boyfriend by the way. What happened? Broken heart?” She looked away. ,,Broken... bones?”

Harleen paled. Bull`s eye. For a short moment, she forgot to breath.

,,Ahh... so we do have some issues with violence, do we?” He poked around in her wound. ,,Your pathetic appearance, your desperate need for approval, your pretended intellect and your sick ambition... all because you feel worthless. Am I right?” He was smiling callously.

,,You know, if you wonder whether you should feel guilty... You should. Abuse is a two-way street!”

  
Harleen suddenly stood up. This was too much. She felt sick. She stormed out and headed for the next bathroom. Cramps tortured her body and memories flared up. _This was a bad idea, Harleen_. She told herself. She should have never taken the Joker`s case.  
She decided she needed some time off. The Joker had spotted her weakness and stabbed her right where it hurt most. So Harleen excused herself for the day and went home.

What was she doing with her life? Other people had kids, a family. They were happy. Why didn't she get that? Suddenly she remembered the phone call from her mother. Even though she wasn't up for it, she had to call her back. Otherwise she might show up here and Harleen wanted to avoid that at any cost. So she picked up her phone and dialed her mother`s number.

,,Mom?”

,,Harleen? Is that you? Thanks for calling me back.”

,,So, why did you call?” Harleen asked. Her mother always called when she wanted to know something or needed something.

,,Do I need a reason to call you?” Harleen sighed.

,,Just tell me, mom, I am not in the mood for beating around the bush.”

,,Well, if you insist...Your father and I would like to spend a few days in Gotham and we thought since you live there, we could stay with you and avoid unnecessary expenses.”

Harleen gritted her teeth. Of course, they wanted to save money. If she hadn't gotten that scholarship her parents wouldn't have paid her the tuition fee. It was always about money.

,,You know what mom? I don`t think so. There are many cheap and affordable hotels and motels in Gotham. I need my space.”  
Harleen could hear her mother breathing angrily.

,,Is that how you repay us for our support? How did we deserve such a selfish daughter?” and then she just hung up the phone.

Harleen knew she wasn't being a nice daughter, but her parents had taught her that being nice doesn't get you anywhere. And that apparently money was more important than affection or family activities. She didn't despise them, but she clearly was better off without them. The afternoon passed and soon it was dark outside. Harleen was still shaken by her session with the Joker and angry about her mother and on top of it, there was the thing with Guy. She wondered whether he would ever forgive her. He had to, eventually. But right now, she was alone. All alone.  
  
As it got dark and darker outside, the Joker slowly paced his cell. He must have hit a weak spot today. Clearly his blonde doctor had suffered in a abusive relationship before. Maybe that was why she tried to come over as normal and boring. Only people who weren't normal tried to be boring. _What else are you hiding in that pretty little head of yours?_ He wondered. But this offered him a glimpse inside of her way of thinking. First, he had to break her and then, he needed to fill her head with his words, use her insecurity and secret cravings against her. This was the way go, if he wanted to break her. Therefore, he had to win her over. He had to give her what she needed.  
When she had left in such a hurry, he wasn't sure whether she would come back. But she seemed to be the determined and resilient kind of person. He just had to be patient. Being patient was admittedly none of his strengths. But after all, she was about his only distraction in here. Ever since he had been banished from the recreation room.

,,Hey, Crane. You know what? I've been assigned a new doctor. You would like her. She is exactly your type. Young, blonde... scared.”  
He teased. He knew that Crane despised him. But he couldn't help but engaging in a discussion. And Scarecrow didn't disappoint. Every time the Joker was provoking him, he reacted. It was one of the little things that brightened the Joker`s day – or night.

,,Why on earth would anyone assign you a young, pretty doctor? Haven`t you killed enough of their staff already so that they give up on you and finally put you down? Batman seems to fail miserably at killing you.”  
Yes. There it was. The angry outburst. The Joker loved those little conversations.

,,Scarecrow, no need to get agitated. I just seem to be more important that you. I bet little Harleen would agree.” He chuckled.

,,Wait, what? Her name is Harleen? I know her, she was one of my fromer students! Don`t you dare hurting her!”

  
Even though Jonathan Crane had a bad habit of poisoning people with fear gas, he wasn't completely without compassion or empathy in general, unlike the Joker.The Joker started to laugh and threw his fists against the concrete wall of his cell.

,,This is just getting better and better! You know what, old friend, I just might hurt her. Maybe I will squeeze her throat and watch as her lights goes out. My, my, imagine that beautiful fear. You`d be jealous.”  
The Joker`s eyes went black as his pupils dilated in excitement. He gained sick pleasure from torturing other people. If he couldn't hurt them physically, he would torture them mentally. But this time, Crane stayed quiet. He knew it would only get worse if he continued this conversation. So he turned around and went back to his cot. The Joker however couldn't keep quiet. His dark laughter traveled down the deserted hallways of the Asylum and caused the other cell mates to shiver. This guy was a creep, even compared to the high standards of level 4 patients.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It is really hard to get the Joker`s character nailed down. Especially when trying to build the foundation for a relationship (no matter how dysfunctional). There needs to be a balance between his clearly psychopathic tendencies and his ,,tender" side (if you can even call it that). I find it is too early for him to show even the slightest amount of feelings towards Harley.


	5. Spider Web

**CHAPTER 5:** Spider Web

\------------------------------------------------

So embrace the darkness and I will help you see   
That you can be limitless   
And fearless   
If you follow me   
  
Karliene – Become The Beast

Harleen had taken the rest of the week off and went to visit Lydia. Dr. Arkham didn't even complain, he just suggested she`d be back for her session on Friday. That way, Harleen got that desperately needed quality time and girl`s talk. It was something to distract her from everything that was going on in Gotham and from her ever circling thoughts. At first, they needed some time to get up to date but then it was pretty much like it used to be. They watched old movies together,went shopping and talked long into the night. On Thursday, Harleen traveled back to Gotham. She felt much better and ready for her next session. But on Friday morning, before she even got to her desk, Dr. Arkham directed her into his office.

,,Dr. Quinzel, how are you?”

Harleen frowned.  
,,Fine, Sir. Much better now. I guess I just needed some time off.”  
But Arkham wasn't convinced.

,,You know, Dr. Quinzel, I had my doubts about your qualification for the Joker but you really exceeded my expectations. However, I watched your last session and I must admit, it did not seem to be going all that well. Patients are in no way allowed to ask personal questions and as you should know, we never answer them! I thought about assigning you to another patient.”

  
Harleen knew she had messed up, but she wouldn't just back down and accept!

  
,,Dr. Arkham, with all due respect, I was the only one who even got him to talk. And I admit that my behavior wasn't strictly conventional, but he did give us valuable information about himself. I therefore request to keep him as my patient.”

  
,,Alright, Quinzel. But don`t disappoint me again. I will increase supervision of your sessions! Now leave, or you`ll arrive late for the therapy with your patient.”

  
Harleen was lucky to get away with her indiscretion. From now on she had to keep it strictly to the book. She took the elevator to the 4th floor and took her seat in the white and clinical interrogation room. The Joker was already sitting opposite to her. For a moment, he thought she wouldn't show up. But when he heard the familiar sound of her high-heels in the hallway, he knew it was her. He was pleased to see her back. He had missed his favorite toy in here. Slowly, he lifted his eyes and stretched his legs.

,,Hi there, Doc. How nice of you to show up!” He snarled.

Harleen switched on the camera recording but decided to leave out her usual introduction. She could tell that he was angry. This wasn't a good start. ,,So what have you been doing while they let me rot in my cell? Had fun?”

Harleen felt bad for him. She didn't know whether he was faking and her bad conscious told her that it was unfair to let him down like that.

,,I am very sorry, Mr.J. I needed some time off. But now I am back. I`d like to continue where we left off last time. If that`s alright with you.”  
The Joker flashed his shining teeth and offered her an innocent smile.

,,Of course my dear, forgiven and forgotten. Tell me, where did we leave off?”  
No, he hadn't forgotten and sure as hell not forgiven. But he would take it out on her on another time. First, he had to catch her in his spider web. Harleen exhaled. She was relieved that he didn't insist on talking about their last session.

,,Well, we were discussing the motives behind your crimes. Your thoughts about humanity.”

,,Ah... yes.” he remembered. He closed his eyes and lifted his head, now facing the ceiling.

,,Be quiet and listen." He ordered and gestured her to listen to a music that apparently only he was able to hear.

,,To what?" she asked, slightly irritated.

,,Don't you hear the lies buzzing in the air? It is the tension of wild animals being caged into unnatural order."

,,Could you elaborate, please?" she asked, while taking notes.

,,You want to understand, don't you?“ he purred.

  
,,Yes, I do,” she answered.

,,Of course you do! I will elaborate then...“

She eyed him attentively. Waiting for him to continue. He clearly enjoyed being listened to.

,,Sure,“ he continued ,, You want to know why I am doing what I am doing. But first we need to clarify a few things. I think you want to know why people hate and fear me. So, yes, I've killed, betrayed, lied and tortured. But that is not why people hate me. They hate me because I embody everything that they despise about themselves. You see, I don't hide my true self. They can call me monster, they can call me evil but those are just labels. Labels, labels, labels.” He chuckled.

,,Everything has to be neatly folded and catalogued. You know why?” Harleen shook her head.

,,Because people fear what happens if they don't do it. And now we get to the reason why people fear me. I show them the truth about human nature - and in a world full of liars and pretenders the truth is the most powerful weapon of all. Shatter that fake kindness, disturb the neat established order and add a tiny bit of chaos. Because in the face of chaos, the facades slide and people show their true selves. And, believe me, they are ugly. Trust me, everyone carries that monster inside themselves. You can hide it if there is nothing that triggers it, but as soon as the circumstances change it will come out to play. It is much harder to live a selfless life if you are put to the test.”

The Joker stared at her intensely, observing her while she was listening. Then he sat up in his chair as far as he could manage with the chains and continued, eyes fixed on her.

,,Example,” he said, holding up his index finger like a teacher in the classroom.

,,If there is enough food people don't mind sharing it. But if there is food shortage and hunger, then, be assured, then those same individuals would kill for a slice of bread. They would literally eat each other. Because after all, people are only as good as the world allows them to be. You see, we live in a cage that we created ourselves. It is stupid, really, if you think about it. We have this strong belief in right and wrong. But how do you know something is right or wrong? Because parents teach their kids, because people make the law and obey it, because it is ,,the right thing to do" ? But who came up with it? Who can assure you, that it is not the other way around and you are the one who is bad? Doesn't it depend on which side you are standing? You consider people foreigners who didn't grow up in your country. But to those people, you are the foreigner. Or, let me put it in a different context: If you grow up calling a specific color red and another one grows up calling that same color green, what is the true name of this color? Green or red, who is right? You can't tell, can you?”

Pleased with himself he fell back into the chair, choosing a more comfortable position. He was lowering the voice to such an extent, that Harleen had to move closer to understand him. Her eyes were wide and lips slightly parted. She was amazed, he could tell.

,,The perspective from which you judge the world is the ultimate key, the essence if you will, that defines your moral code. With every perspective there is a different moral code. And if there are different moral codes then there is, in fact, no code at all. Still following?”

She nodded, while taking notes.

,, The conclusion we can draw from this is, that there is no right and no wrong. There is no good and no bad because there is no ultimate justice, no one who is able to judge without being biased. This means there are no actual rules, no moral, no law, no borders, no countries... It is all just One. Big. Illusion. If you abandon this illusion, then, my dear, and only then, you can begin to understand what it means to be truly free.”

The Joker stopped talking but it took some time for Harleen to realize it. She had been listening the whole time, thinking about what he said. Those words were not the words of a mad man. The joker was not insane after all. He was extraordinarily observant and incredibly smart. She tried to see the fault in his logic but failed to find it. _You can't argue with the truth_ , she thought. _Neither with crazy,_ an inner voice told her. But she ignored it.Then, she interrupted the silence.

,,So you think everyone is evil?"

The Joker lifted an non existent eyebrow. Wasn't she listening? She was supposed to be smart.

,,No. My dear, not everyone is evil. But everyone is an egoistic liar and pretender. If you hand a man a gun and ask him to shoot another innocent person, or else they both die, he would kill without hesitation." 

,,I don't think so,” Harleen answered. But her trembling voice gave away how insecure she was. Because she knew that his point of view, however twisted, actually made sense.

,,Just because you don't WANT to think so, doesn't mean that it isn't true, honey. People are locked away, fenced in by rules and ethics."

Harleen shook her head, ,,But isn't that better than letting them out, if they would just burn down the world once they were free? Assuming your prediction of human nature was true."

,,Why should I care, pumpkin? But consider this: Where would you rather see the tiger, caged or free?" he asked.

Harleen knew where he was going with that. But she didn't want to give him the pleasure of walking into his trap. ,,Well that is hardly an adequate comparison!" she complained.

,,Answer. My. Question!" he hissed angrily. Cold shivers ran down her spine. So she answered, ,,The latter one then. But a tiger doesn't burn down the world!"

,,No. But he kills. Because that is what the tiger is MEANT to do. In a zoo, he would be served sliced and prepared meat. He is denied his instincts, his urges. In the wild he would slice and dice them up himself."

,,But he does that to survive!”

,,Ahh...” the Joker said. ,,So if someone shoots someone else, because he wants to survive... that`s not the same then?”

Harleen was baffled. Why did his explanations make sense? She was sure that all his words were delusions and a product of a sadistic, manipulative and intelligent mind. But right now, she didn't know how to argue with it.

,,So you are saying, we should be who we are no matter the consequences, because that is who we are meant to be? And that killing is natural?"

,,Probably." he shrugged.

,,Why probably?" she asked, now confused.

,,I don't dissect language and meaning the way you do Doc. But you wanted to understand so I broke it down for you." ,

,,Are you implying that I am not smart enough?" Harleen asked, feeling the well known sting of being underestimated.

,,No Doc. You're smart. But you're still blind," he replied, smiling at her knowingly.

  
The guards came in and rolled him out, leaving her with so many questions and a sudden doubt of her own point of view. This was the best discussion she ever had with anyone in her whole life. He had offered her a major glimpse into his mind, the deep dark thoughts he harbored there and the reasons for doing what he did. _Dr. Arkham will be pleased_ , she thought. Finally some progress. But it was more than that. She was grateful, because she knew, if he hadn't played along, she would have gotten the boot. Could it be that he did this for her? The weeks went by and she felt the trust growing between herself and the Joker. She didn't think about Guy or Chad anymore and even isolated herself from Joan, who seemed to poke her about every detail of their conversations. They were private after all, and Joan wasn't his psychologist. Harleen knew her interest in _Mr.J_ was more than just professional curiosity, it was unhealthy. But she had no one else she could talk about those things except Lydia. But when Lydia tried to get her to quit, they had a pretty bad fight. So she was alone again. Well, not exactly. She had the Joker to talk to. After a few sessions Dr. Arkham lost the special interest in their conversations and she felt more free to talk. Sometimes she even went to visit him when he was in his cell and they would just talk. He seemed so understanding and she started to trust him with things, that she didn't even trust Lydia with. The stronger their bond grew, the less intimidated she felt. He could see behind her mask and didn't judge her for all the bad he could see. Of course, she never truly gave away much of her private life in their sessions, just enough so that he understood but Dr. Arkham wouldn't notice. But the visits to his cell were risky as she wasn't actually allowed there and she felt the need to talk to him without supervision, without the camera and all those annoying listeners. Without ...the restraints. She had to talk to Dr. Arkham. Maybe he would finally allow her to decrease security measures. It`s been weeks and Mr.J had been on his best behavior. So the next time, after her 13th session with the Joker, she walked over to Dr. Arkham`s office. She was determined to finally get what she wanted.

,,Dr. Arkham, my session went quite well, no disturbance at all. He behaved perfectly.” She reported, while handing over the recorded tape and some of her notes. Dr.Arkham just nodded dismissively. But Harleen didn't leave.

,,Is there something else, Dr. Quinzel?” he asked.

,,Well yes, there is. About my request the other day. I would like to have his straightjacket removed. Also, I feel he would open up much more to me if he knew that our sessions aren`t recorded.”

Dr. Arkham was clearly annoyed. ,,Well, no can do, Harleen.”

He called her Harleen. She got incredibly angry. _Fucktard,_ she thought to herself, gritting her teeth. Those mood swings she had been experiencing lately almost drove her nuts. She tried to relax and decided if he was going to call her by her first name, she would return the favor. After all, they were both doctors. If he tried to undermine her authority she would repay him by doing the same.

,,Jeremiah, listen, this is my 13th session now. I am a doctor, same as you. And even though I am lacking your experience, I gather from the removed data on our data base that no one ever made as much progress with the Joker as I did. He talks to me, explains himself to me and I think if I can get him a little bit more comfortable, he might open up completely! This would not only mean interesting findings but also articles and maybe even books and much, much more interest in our institution.” Clearly, she was referring to the money issues.

Dr. Arkham was surprised by Harleen`s outburst. She was usually very calm and rather submissive.

,,Dr. Quinzel,” he sighed, trying to reestablish harmony by addressing her politely.

,,I am sorry if I have offended you in any way. Of course it seems that you have a good thing going there. I do not want to be the one to shut it down. But certain things are simply too dangerous. I agree, that maybe he would open up more if there was no supervision. I will stop the live feed from the interrogation room. But you will keep recording your sessions. You can keep them to yourself for the time being, but whenever I ask for one of the recordings I expect them to be handed over without hesitation. If you insist on taking off his straightjacket I will provide you with a panic button. Also, he will remain chained to the chair and I will position two guards at the door, in case something goes wrong. They won`t be able to overhear you but they will be able to interfere promptly when... I mean, in case you push the panic button, if something happens. This is all I can do for you.”

,,Thank you so much, Dr. Arkham. That seems very fair,” Harleen replied. She thanked him again and then left his office. She had not expected him to agree after her rather hot-headed emotional outburst. But apparently it worked. _Mr. J would approve_ , the thought, and started giggling. _Damn, Harleen, stop giggling, you are being foolish._ What was happening to her? Who was she?

The Joker knew he had her wrapped around his finger. She was a good and attentive student, listening to everything he had to say, while being unaware that her way of thinking became more and more socially questionable. She isolated herself from others, just like he had hoped she would. And with no one to tell her how alarmingly different she became, she wouldn't realize it until it was too late. Interestingly though, she didn't just intellectually give in to his way of thinking, she also seemed to be... somehow attracted to him. That was something he hadn't anticipated. He was intellectually convincing to an open mind, but it was weird that she apparently felt some kind of emotional and even sexual tension. And he gladly used it against her. But no matter how much it pained him to admit it, she intrigued him too. She had a keen mind and, after all, she was pretty attractive. But also, she had a tiny little bit of madness of her own. She had ... potential. And every time they met, he nurtured it and watched it grow. Some day it would blossom into a beautiful flower of pure insanity, all it needed was a little push. Harley was his now. If only he could get out of that stupid straightjacket. My, my, what he could do to her.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was trying to convey the Joker`s perspective on the world. It is kind of hard to justify his actions if there is no logic behind it. It took me forever to find that idea that could make sense if you are easy to manipulate. The Joker from ,,The Dark Knight" was a great help and influenced certain parts of their conversation.  
> There would be no fuzz if everything he said was a lie. I think what scares most people is, that there is some truth to it.  
> But what I wanted to add is Harleen saying that the fact that people are trying to be good is proof of their good nature. Intention counts. I deleted it because if she would defend that POV then it would be much harder to corrupt her. I still wanted to put it in my notes because that is what I think.


	6. The facade crumbles

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so here`s chapter six. This chapter contains a bit more action than the previous ones. Let me know what you think about it :)

**CHAPTER 6:** The facade crumbles

\--------------------------------------------------  
  
Are you insane like me? Been in pain like me?

Halsey - Gasoline

 

It was Sunday and Harleen decided to rummage through her old stuff and to get rid of things she didn't need anymore. It was a perfect way to distract her and her closet and bedroom were stuffed and overloaded with books and little dusty things she got for her birthday or bought in a moment of stupidity. _Time to clean!_ She thought. She tossed away outdated medical literature, some ugly little figurines of angels that her mother had sent her (instead of visiting her for her birthday) and some old notebooks. But when she was emptying the garbage bag into the dumpster outside of her apartment, one of her diaries dropped out. It was not just any diary, it was the one she used while being together with Chad. Harleen froze for a moment, unsure about what to do next. Then, she picked the old thing out of the dumpster and went back into her apartment. Why wasn't she able to part with that horrible diary? She let herself fall on her bed and opened it somewhere in the middle.

 

_,,Tuesday, 14.06  
I should leave. I know I should. Yesterday, he beat my head so bad that it still hurts now. I think I might have a concussion. I know this relationship is unhealthy, but I was the one initiating the fight. Even though I knew better. He said so himself. Does that make it my fault? _

 

_,,Wednesday, 15.06.  
Today on campus I saw a couple holding hands, they seemed so happy. But I am not happy when I hold hands. I never was. I remember that neither with Joshua nor with Liam I've been happy. I think I might not be capable of loving someone, so I can`t be happy either. Maybe I don`t deserve it. _

_I am not content with an ordinary life and an ordinary relationship, I know that now. Even though Chad can be brutal and harsh, when we have sex it is mind blowing. Nothing compares to it. I feel excited and such a rush! What does that say about me? Is there something wrong with me? I mean, I know what I would tell a patient if he told me those things. I would tell him that he should separate and seek therapy. But what if there is nothing that can be ,,healed”? What if that is just the way I am?”_

 

Harleen closed the diary and stared absentmindedly at the ceiling above her head. _Maybe I am not changing_ , she thought. _Maybe_ _I am just finally being me._

Maybe Lydia just couldn't understand. Maybe no one could. Except for the Joker, he didn't judge her. Was he right about the tow-way street of abuse?  
Her phone rang. Should she pick it up? Harleen hesitated, if it was her mother again she would smash that damn thing. But it wasn't her mother, it was Lydia.

,,Hi.”

,,Hi. Why are you calling? Just to let you know, I am not apologizing for my work. So if you want an apology, you`re not going to get one.” Harleen knew she was rude, but who was Lydia to condemn her work and her interests.  
,,Harley, I`m not calling to stir up things. I just want my friend back. And lately you haven`t been yourself. You seem...much more aggressive, hot-headed and...well, me and Guy, we think, you are too invested. Especially with that Joker guy. That can`t be healthy.”  
,,Lydia, I am sorry that you think I am different, but the truth is, I don`t think I am.” _I simply stopped pretending_ she thought.  
,,Can`t we get together and talk? Maybe over a coffee? I just want the best for you, can`t you see that?”

Harleen had to laugh. ,,The best? I am not your daughter, Lydia. I am an adult and I believe I know damn well what`s best for me! Go bother someone else!”  
And then, Harleen hung up. She did feel bad for a moment. But it was so incredibly frustrating to have someone constantly telling you how you should behave and who you are. And yet, it ate away at her. She needed someone to talk to. But she had no one. She realized that the closest she had to a good friend was Mr.J.. Somehow she had developed the bad habit of using him as her psychologist, instead of the other way around. He was just such a damn good listener. Should she go see him? On Sunday Arkham Asylum was deserted except for the guards. But she wasn't allowed at level 4 when she wasn't working. She had decided she wouldn't take the risk of getting busted but now Harleen was reconsidering it. _No, Harleen, stay professional. You have an appointment with him tomorrow, no need to go see him now!_ That voice in her head was getting annoying. ,,Shut up!” she screamed.  
But then she had to smirk. She almost sounded like one of those people suffering from multiple personality disorder she had cared for a few months back. Funny how things looked from the outside when they might be completely different on the inside. Maybe some of those people that were locked away and considered crazy weren't in fact crazy at all. What if they were just misunderstood. Like the Joker. He didn't belong in a mental facility! Sure, he killed people. But he had his reasons. No matter how absurd they sounded to someone else, she started to understand. Maybe, everyone else was just too narrow-minded?

 _Harleen, they are not narrow-minded, maybe you understand him because you are the one going crazy._ That voice again. Harleen sighed and looked at herself in the mirror. _Still me_ , she thought.

Monday came along and the session with Mr.J. approached with every minute ticking by. Harleen waited in her office, she was nervous. Her head was filled with dark thoughts and she was afraid Dr. Arkham would spoil her therapy session by not holding up his end of the deal. Her fingers were twitching, Harleen was feeling uneasy. _Sleep deprivation really is a bitch_ , Harleen thought. She was relieved when she finally got the call from Mr. Cash to come up to the interrogation room. The Joker was already sitting in the chair across the table, however, still wearing the straightjacket. Harleen entered the room when Mr. Cash was taking down the observation camera that was usually used for the live stream. The Joker observed him with unconcealed interest. After he was done, Mr. Cash walked towards the door, ready to leave them.

 

,,Mr.Cash,” Harleen addressed him.

,,Me and Dr. Arkham agreed that the straightjacket would be removed during sessions.”

,,Sorry M`am, no can do. He told me only to take it off when two guards were placed at the door. But since all of them are currently needed elsewhere, I am sure as hell not going to risk anything by letting that psycho loosen as much as a strap of that straightjacket.”

The Joker smiled as Harleen got angry.

,,This is not acceptable! We had an agreement!” she shouted at him.

But Mr. Cash was unimpressed and simply walked out the door and locked it behind him.

Harleen was still raging. So much, that she even forgot to switch on the recording camera.

The Joker noticed it, but he wasn't going to mention it.

That fucker Arkham really got on her nerves.

 

,,Hello Harley, dear. So pleased to see you again. I see you have been trying to get security down,” he smirked.

Harleen would have asked him to call her Dr. Quinzel, but she just didn't give a damn anymore. They were way past that stage.

,,Hello Mr.J. I tried to get you out of these straps but apparently Dr. Arkham and Mr. Cash are not able to keep their promises.”

She was still furious and could barely conceal her anger.

He liked her angry. It suited her. The mask started to crack and the true Harley was glimpsing through.

,,No problem, my dear,” he said, smiling wholeheartedly, ,,I know you were trying.”

She liked him that way. So warm and supportive. But something was wrong. She just couldn't quite put her finger on it. So she tried to get on with the ,,therapy”. If only that anger would pass! But it didn't. It became worse. _No_ , she decided, she just wouldn't take that bullshit from Dr. Arkham anymore.

,,Mr. J how would you feel about getting out of that straightjacket?” she asked conspiratorially.

The Joker eyed her with his beautiful grayish-blue eyes and chuckled darkly.

,,Well, I certainly wouldn't complain. But it looks like this is not going to happen anytime soon.”

Suddenly, Harleen stood up and walked around the table, until she was standing right beside Mr. J. He glanced at her with great interest, pupils dilated. _Oh, this is getting good. She is so going to regret this._

Harleen opened strap after strap, her subconscious shouting at her to stop that madness. But she didn't want to listen. Not this time. She could feel the adrenaline rushing through her veins. Finally, she felt alive, like a junky getting his fix. She was so close to him that she could feel his breath on her skin. Even though they had been talking before, unsupervised, he had always been at least 1-2 m apart and restrained. This time, it was different.  
Then, she was done with the last strap and the jacket fell to the floor. He looked at her treacherously. That was when she realized what was wrong. Mr.Cash had forgotten to chain him to the chair. The Joker was now completely free of any restraints, and not even the table separated them anymore. No guards outside the doors. They were alone, and he was loose.

 

Before she could get a decent thought. He jumped in an upright position, grabbed her wrists and pinned her violently against the wall behind her. Her head collided with the wall. It hurt and she knew she fucked up. Badly.

He was standing there, his face only inches away. An evil smile on his face.

,,Are you scared?” he taunted her. There was no affection in his voice. This was not the same person she had spent hours talking to in the past weeks. This was someone else.

Was she scared? Yes, she was. Harleen could barely take her eyes away from his face. She feared, he would see it as weakness and slaughter her here and now. But the true fear was not directed towards him. His violence... it triggered her memories. She remembered everything with Chad, her abusive boyfriend. How he used to beat her. How much she loved him, despite his fists. Or maybe, because of them... She felt the Joker`s grip tightening around her wrists. He was so close.

,,Are you scared?” he asked again, dangerously lowering his voice.

,,Yes,” she whispered quietly. It was true. But somehow, in some very twisted way, she also liked the touch of his firm hands. The way he breathed down her neck. The way he looked at her.

,,Good,” he replied, ,,Very good, little girl.”

Then he bursted into cold laughter, ,,Hahahahaha. You silly little thing. What did you think would happen... hmm?!”  
Harleen`s eyes started to water, they were tears of anger, but she tried to hide it. She trusted him! She wouldn't give him the satisfaction of backing down!

,,Let me go Mr.J!” she shouted at him.

Now he was truly intrigued.

,,My my, what a temper you have, little Harley,” he growled, ,,I like it.”

But he didn't let go of her. She was smart and tough and he hated that he liked her. He grabbed her wrists even harder, leaving hot red marks on her skin. Nothing she hadn't experienced before, and he noticed it.

Their eyes locked, as if they were having a staring contest. For a small moment time seemed to stand still. People said the eyes were the mirror to a person`s soul but if that was true, then the Joker had none. Because his glance wasn't something another person could see through, it was the other way around. His eyes didn't show his true self, but made someone see their own true selves. They didn't reflect his soul, they reflected everyone else`s.  
The Joker won, as Harleen had to lower her eyes, so he would not see her tears.

Suddenly he let go of her and was now simply standing in front of her. He observed her with disgust. He hated when they cried, it irritated him. All that sobbing, gross.

 

Harleen was surprised when he let her go, still trying to get her emotions under control. Her heart was pounding fast and hard. She stared at him but could not interpret the look on his face. All she could tell was that it was less menacing and threatening than before.

All of a sudden, he reached out and pulled her hair down and his fast movement made her jump.

,,Much better this way,” he stated, looking at Harley`s gorgeous long blonde hair falling on her shoulders.

,,Be a doll and sit down,” he demanded.

But she just stared at him, feeling twisted about what to say, what to do. She liked him and she wanted to be close to him. To the person she trusted and respected, but she also feared him. She wasn't so dumb as to forget who he was, or what.

He paced around the room and gestured her to sit down on her chair again.

Afraid that she might anger him, she slowly moved past him and took her seat. Her heart was still beating on overdrive, as if a tiny bird was flapping it`s wings in her chest. She realized it must have been some sort of a test and she had no idea whether she passed it or not. But if not, she gathered, she would most likely be dead already, taking into account that this was the Joker who usually did not mind a little blood. Harleen suddenly grabbed her pencil and started with a question. Going back to her almost daily ritual gave her confidence and she had to break that awful silence.

,,Why aren`t you leaving?” she asked. Her eyes were fixed on him, staring at his tall body with plain admiration.

He glared at her.

,,Because now is not the right time. All the guards are needed `elsewhere`, you remember?! Meaning that something is going on and the whole damn building with all the exits will be on lockdown and under observation soon. It`s not the first time it happened. They`ll be swarming out, checking all the floors for an escapee. Well, except for this stupid room here.”

Even though that was true, it wasn't the whole truth. If he wanted to leave, he could have. But he intended to free some of the other criminals too. Leaving the Asylum alone without shedding some blood just wasn't fun. And... well, he knew Harley had potential, it would be a shame to let it go to waste.

,,Now I have a question too, Harley...” He smiled at her provokingly.

She raised her eyes and they met his.

,,Why aren`t you leaving, running away and screaming for help like the good girl that you are trying to be?”

She didn't know what to say to that. Other than that she felt safe now. She was...intrigued by his power.

The Joker could see her brain working. He knew why she stayed. She had a little monster inside of her too. And it seemed it wanted to come out to play.

,,I like the thrill,” she answered truthfully. She didn't know why she said that. That was very unlike her. _Who am I?_ What the fuck was wrong with her?

,,I can tell you do”, he replied, matter-of-factly. Then, suddenly, he was standing right beside her. _Damn he is fast. Like a predator on the hunt, s_ he thought. She also just now realized that although he was slender, he was well trained.

,,You have a little darkness inside you my dear,” he chuckled. Lifting up her chin with his thumb.

,,How can you tell?” she asked him, now standing up herself, the two of them facing each other, only inches apart.

He shrugged innocently, then he bowed down to reach her height.

,,Takes one to know one,” he whispered into her ear. The touch of his lips prickled on her skin.

She suddenly felt the desire to kiss him. _Your brain must have suffered serious damage when he pinned you brutally against the wall_ , _Harleen,_ the voice scoffed. Then the alarm went off. The Joker knew the guards would come to check up on her soon. What would she do, he wondered.

She looked him in the eyes. He stared back at her. It felt as if he could see right through her, right into her soul. Her soul, that wasn't as pretty as she wanted it to be. Run or stay? She asked herself. Then she decided.

 

Her thoughts ran wild. If she ran, he would most likely kill her. But if she stayed and the guards would find him here with her, she would probably loose her job or worse. What the hell could she do? _There must be a solution! Come on, think, Harley!_

,,Mr. J. I have an idea,” she stated.

,,Let`s hear it, darling,” he purred, tingling a strand of her loose hair around his finger.

She almost forgot what she wanted to say, until he added a demanding ,,Hmm..?”

,,If you sit back on your chair, I will tie the straightjacket back on you so that we both can pretend like nothing happened.” She looked at him sheepishly.

Her idea was just what he had hoped for. Had she run away, he would have had to kill her. Now, that she decided to stay, he knew it was only a matter of time until she snapped. What a marvelous young protégé she was. He pulled her closer, stroking her hair.

,,Fabulous idea Harley-doll. Daddy`s very happy with you,” he warbled.

She felt warm. No, hot, like Ikarus who got too close to the sun.

Suddenly, he moved away from her and sat very elegantly back on his chair.

,,Come on, cutie-pie, tie me up.” He smirked and she giggled. Just when she was done and went back to her chair, Mr.Cash stormed in with such a force, that he accidentally trashed the recording camera.

 _Even better_ , Harley thought. Now she didn't have to explain why she couldn't show Arkham the recorded session. She stayed in character, glaring angrily at Mr. Cash.

,,What do you think you are doing, Mr.Cash? This is a private session and you just destroyed the recordings!”

Mr.Cash looked ashamed.

,,I am sorry Dr. Quinzel, I...we... we thought that the Joker might have planned an escape since there was a security breach.”

Harley flicked some of her loosened hair back.

,,Well, as you can see, everything is in perfect order. Well except for you forgetting the chains on Mr.J. here.”

Mr.Cash`s eyes widened to such an extent that he looked like a scared owl. He couldn't believe he forgot to chain that bastard to the chair. It was a miracle that this psycho hadn't killed her and left by now.

Harley stated, cold to the bones, ,,we wouldn't want Dr. Arkham to know about this now, would we?”

Mr. Cash slowly shook his head and Harley continued, ,,Alright, so hand me over your keys and I will escort him back to his cell. You have already caused enough trouble here.” She knew it was mean, but she enjoyed it. She was still angry at Cash and this...well, this made her feel powerful. Cash handed her his keys over without protest. He knew what was at stake for him.

And then, Harley and the Joker walked out of the interrogation room, heading towards the holding cells of level 4.

 

The Joker glanced at her and he felt something that he couldn't quite put his finger on. She was attractive, obviously, but usually he didn't care about appearances. There was something more to her now, he felt it. That darkness, that growing madness and craziness that he just witnessed, it intrigued him. She had crossed a line in there. She had lied and abandoned her professionalism and her belief in honestly and kindness. She was almost ready to surrender. Oh, what a sweet little monster she would make... Must be those pretty bad experiences she`s made. She clearly spent too much time staring into the abyss. And now it was staring back into her.

 

Harley walked beside Mr.J. through the empty hallways of the Asylum. She felt more alive than she had ever felt before. The alarm was still ringing, yet no one to be seen. They made their way to the high security area, finally arriving at the Joker`s cell. It was the same as always; dark, wet and cold. She suddenly wished she could keep him company, but she knew it would look suspicious if anyone found her there. So instead, she just snitched the key to his cell from Mr. Cash`s key ring. The Joker gracefully slid into his cell and she closed the heavy door. Just before it was fully closed, she called his name and their eyes locked. Harleen smiled, then she turned away and left. _She would come back_ , he thought. Now that she tasted blood, she would come back for more.

 

That night, she kept dreaming about that weird session with Mr. J.. She couldn't get him out of her head. The fact that he let her live and even let her lock him up again, the way he looked at her made her believe that he had feelings for her. At least, she hoped. Because she knew that she had feelings for him. She missed his touch, his breath, his eyes on her. Did she really fall for him, the clown prince of crime? Did she truly fall for a psychopath, again? She fought against the warm feeling she felt when thinking about him, deeply embarrassed and terrified of herself. Not yet ready to accept what she was becoming. Who was this person staring back at her in the mirror? Surely, her mother would complain and say she had a thing for the bad boys. If only she knew how bad...

 

 


	7. You can`t outrun yourself

**CHAPTER 7** : You can`t outrun yourself

\--------------------------------------------------

When you feel my heat, look into my eyes  
It`s where my demons hide, it`s where my demons hide   
Don`t get too close, it`s dark inside  
It`s where my demons hide, it`s where my demons hide

Imagine Dragons - Demons

 

Tuesday morning and it was Harley`s day off. She hadn't slept more than 3 hours – a habit she developed ever since she met Mr.J.. But the reason had changed. She wasn't kept awake by fear but rather by heartache. Whenever she had time for herself, she didn't know what to do. Harley didn't have much of a life beside her job. It had never bothered her, but now she felt that sting of loneliness. How should she keep herself busy for one whole day? First, she tried to occupy herself by cleaning her apartment, then by sorting all her files by color and finally, by re-watching all the video files she had uploaded to the server. But that only made it worse.

She had no one to call, no one to talk to. After a while of deadly boredom she picked up her diary again, the one with all her nasty thoughts, and read through the pages. After a few hours, she arrived at the last two entries.

 _Friday 19.09_  
_I can`t believe that I did it. I finally left. I had thought about it for weeks and weeks but now I really did it. It wasn't my call though. Even though I haven`t told Lydia about his violent behavior, as soon as she spotted the bruises from our last fight, she just knew. Today she got me from my place, told me to pack my stuff together and leave. So I did. I expected it to be different. I expected to feel relieved. But I don`t. I feel empty and sorry. Because he didn't know that I would leave. He will be so angry when he realizes that I`m gone. How can this be right? It only causes pain to both of us. I should have never listened to Lydia._  
  
_Sunday 21.09_  
_Chad visited me at Lydia`s place yesterday when she was gone for a coffee. I don`t know why I even opened that door to et him in. I think I have never seen him so angry. He told me that I am no one without him. And I think that he is right. So I didn't argue, I didn't say anything. I think I was just standing there. He punched me. Several times. And kicked me. So that is why I am in the hospital now. I don`t know why he stopped. He could have killed me. But I know now that I am strong. Because I took it. All of it. And I think, he must have seen that he cannot break me. So he left. He didn't even leave a note but he drove me to the hospital. I guess that is his way of saying goodbye._  
_I still don`t think that the mistake was to stay with him. I think my mistake was, leaving him. Because if I ever wondered whether he loved me, now I know that he did. Because otherwise, he wouldn't have cared to visit me and punish me for leaving him. I might need him, but he just proved that he needs me too._

She closed it. All these years she`d been trying to forget it. She remembered the time after her hospitalization. Everyone thought she had an accident and Lydia was treating her as if she was traumatized. She told her that she was the victim of a psychopath. Only Harley knew that this wasn't true. But it was not acceptable in society to speak good of an abusive and violent person. It wasn't considered normal to love someone like that. So she had tried to stop it, tried to run away. She had tried to become someone else. Someone who could fall in love with a person like Guy, someone who wanted that family and a house with a white picket fence. Because she thought, if she behaved like them, then, maybe, she would become like them. But Harley knew now, no matter how hard you try, you can`t outrun yourself.

Time passed and evening arrived, but she couldn't even think of sleep. All she could think about was, that she had been so lucky to find someone, who was showing her the way back to her true self. And she wasn't about to make the same mistake all over again. This time, she would stay and fight. She had to see him. The person who fascinated her and made her feel worthy. She had to see his face, talk to him, when no one else was listening. She just had to... now!  
So Harley took her keys, got in her car and drove to the Asylum. She expected the voice in her head to complain, to tell her that this was wrong, that this was a mistake. But the voice kept quiet.

  
When she arrived at the Asylum, it was already dark. Neither the moon nor the stars were able to pierce through the thick layer of clouds that covered the night sky. Harley needed the flashlight of her phone to even find the main entry. The air was cold and a mean wind blew in her face. She shivered and climbed the wet stairs. The entry was locked. She tried her magnetic ID-Card but she didn't expect it to work. When she heard the ,,click" of the opening security mechanism, she was surprised. Harley pushed the door open. Usually there was a guard sitting at the main desk. She hadn't planned what she would say or do, but luckily for her, she didn't have to think about it, as he was asleep and didn't even notice her entering the building. 

However, if he woke up and detected her, she'd probably loose her job. So she tiptoed to the stairs that lead up to the upper levels of the Asylum. When she passed level 2 and 3, Harley heard the cries and weeping of those tortured souls of the main population, residing in their rooms. It was a terrible sound. The sound of abandonment and crazy. Then, finally, she reached level 4. But before she took the last step, she glimpsed around the corner. A well armored guard paced back and forth, checking every cell, then going back to his chair. No way she could sneak past him. A silent sigh escaped her mouth. What was she thinking? Coming here during closed hours... It was stupid. But now that she was here, she didn't want to go back. So she gathered all her courage and went over to the guard. He spotted her immediately and pointed the tranquilizer gun at her. It was pure reflex. But when he saw the petite woman standing there, he lowered it. What could she possibly do?

,,M'am, no one is allowed here at this time of day. What are you doing here?"

She didn't know what excuse she had. Actually, she had none. So Harley had to improvise. 

,,I'm so sorry", She read his name tag, ,,Rick, it is? I was coming here to my office because I forgot my documents and I really had to get them. But when I was on level 1, I heard screams and shouting from the general population. I think they broke loose and are wandering the corridors. I tried to find a guard but the guy at the entry is asleep and there was no one else, so I figured there must be someone on level 4, looking after these high security cases."

Harley was surprised about her story. Even though it wasn't genius, it was still something.

He eyed her, suspiciously. He didn't hear anything else than the usual noise. But if he didn't check and they really were loose, he'd probably get fired. Better he checked it out and informed the head of security.

,,Alright M'am. I'll check it out. Please stay here, you can't go down to your office if those loonies are walking the corridors. I'll be back in a few minutes. Don't go anywhere near the cells!"

She couldn't believe that it actually worked. Harley knew he probably didn't believe her, but that didn't matter, she just needed a few minutes. 

He gave her one more concerned look, then he grabbed his flashlight and tranquilizer gun and took the stairs down to level 3. Harley didn't hesitate for a second and ran down the hallway until she reached the Joker's cell. She had to get on her toes in order be able to glimpse inside. He wasn't asleep, he was leaning against the wall, staring up. He looked so pale and his green hair was messy. For a short moment, she forgot to breathe. Just when she wondered if he even realized that she was there, he spoke up.

,,Evening Doc. Isn't it a bit late for one of our sessions?" He turned his head towards the tiny window.

,,Why are you here?" He asked. 

Harley wanted to say something but she didn't really know what to say. Why was she here? She just needed to see him. Needed to talk to someone else than herself. She looked down, fumbling in her jeans pocket. Suddenly she found the key she had snitched from Mr.Cash's key ring. 

,,What if I told you, I am here to free you?" Harley asked, lifting the key up to the small window so he could see it. An evil grin spread across his face. Very slowly, almost gracefully, he lifted himself off the floor and walked towards her. 

,,Now that would be an interesting turn of events. But that's not why you are here, is it? And besides, it is not my time to leave...yet."

She was puzzled. She had expected him to react differently, to be surprised.

He started to chuckle when he saw the expression on her face. 

,,You didn't come here to free me, you came here to see me. You just can't stay away, can you?"

Harley blushed. Of course she did. But there was no explanation as to why she was so attracted to him. It made no sense. 

,,Don't you want to leave?" she asked, avoiding the topic he mentioned before. 

,,Of course I do. But there is a time for everything. Let's just say, it would be a shame not to get some payback."

That was when she realized, that he was going to leave all along. But not without a blast. There would be casualties. Her eyes widened in fear. But not because she feared for those people`s lives. She couldn't stand the thought of loosing him. He couldn't leave her! There was no point in working here when he wasn't there anymore. 

,,When you decide that the time is right to leave.. will you take me with you?" She felt exposed, asking him to take her with was embarrassing, but she just had to know. 

He jolted his head back and the tiny room resonated with his cold laughter.

,,Well,” he replied, smiling at her deceitfully, ,,that depends entirely on you."

But before she could ask what he meant by that, Harley caught the sound of footsteps that were approaching. Several ones. _Damn!_

She turned around and sprinted down the hallway back to the point where the guard had left her. She was not a second too early. Rick and Mr.Cash appeared on the staircase. _What the hell is he doing here, she wondered_. 

As soon as Mr.Cash  spotted her, his face flushed with red anger. _That bitch!_ he thought. He knew she wasn't up to anything good. Especially since he realized that his one key had gone missing. First, he didn't want to report it to Arkham. Mostly, because job was on the line too. But now that she appeared here during the nightshift, leading the security guard away from his station, he wouldn't remain quiet anymore.

,,Quinzel! You shouldn't be here. And I'd like the key back, or Arkham will be informed!"

That was a threat. Harley felt the anxiety crawl up her spine and wetting her hands. If he ratted her out to Arkham, she was done. Rick seemed confused and his glance switched to Harley and then back to Cash. Harley decided it was best to play innocent. 

,,I don't know what you are talking about, Mr.Cash. I came here to get some documents and then heard this noise from level 2 and 3 so I informed Rick."

,,Sure you did." He scoffed. ,,Because it makes that much sense to walk through level 2 and 3 up to level 4 when you could have woken the guard down in the entry hall."

She knew he was right. But there was nothing she could say to make her look any less suspicious. 

,,I`m sorry if my course of action doesn't satisfy you, bit if you`ll excuse me now gentlemen, I have to leave."

Mr.Cash smirked knowingly. ,,Don't you need to get your documents?"

,,Sure I do,” she replied, glaring at Mr.Cash.

,,I'll accompany you to your office then."

It was Rick. 

Harley nodded and they took the stairs down to level one. Elevators were out of electricity after closing hours. 

When they arrived at the door with her name on it, Rick gave her a quizzical look.

,,I'll be quick," she promised. She wished he hadn't offered to take her to her office.  Now she pretended looking for those documents. She then randomly picked some folders and told him she was done."  
He accompanied her to the main entrance and waved her goodbye. _What a weird lady_ , he thought.

  
The Joker had overheard their conversation. Those thin walls really did have their advantages. He didn't doubt that Harley would be able to convince them of her good intentions. But what really bothered him was that threat from Mr.Cash. The key that Harley had snitched a few days ago could really come in handy. But if he wanted to make use of it, he had to do it soon. Because if that little fucker ratted her out, then she would end up fired or in jail. This would be wasting a perfectly good opportunity. And he wasn't one to ignore such rare strikes of luck.  
But he wouldn't just leave like that. Sneaking out of the Asylum was not classy. He needed a gun. Or better several ones. And he needed his men. Somehow he had to get Harley to communicate with Frost. That wasn't going to be easy, she didn't seem like she knew how to walk among thugs and the scum of Gotham. But the fact that she had visited him tonight and even asked him to take her with was proof enough that she had already begun to change. It was more than a crack in the facade, it was the shedding of her entire skin. If he promised her to take her with him, he could get her to do anything he wanted. Of course he never planned on seriously dragging her along. She had been a fun thing to play with, he maybe even liked her. But that was it and as soon as he was out and the entire Asylum blown sky high, he could go back to haunting Gotham and teasing Batman.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First I wanted to proceed to the end game, but it didn`t feel right to jump so far ahead. I believe that the Joker and Harley need a few more scenes together. Because it does take a lot of persuasion and manipulation to get someone to abandon everything they are for someone else. There will be a few more chapters filling the gaps between the Asylum and the ACE chemicals. And then, we will see :)


	8. The favor

**CHAPTER 8:** The favor

\--------------------------------------------------  
  
We don't deal with outsiders very well  
They say newcomers have a certain smell  
You have trust issues, not to mention  
They say they can smell your intentions

Twenty One Pilots - Heathens

 

Wednesday after that night in the Asylum she had an appointment with Mr.J.. It had gotten harder and harder for her to behave like a professional during their sessions and last night didn't really help her cause. But if Mr.J would take her with him, she didn't have to worry about her job or anything. Then nothing she did or was about to do mattered anymore, she could just do whatever she wanted. A freedom that she had denied herself for a very long time. So she wanted to let him know that she was ready to fly free instead of getting dragged along with the big crowd. That was when she decided she would bring him something. Something personal, something cute, something that would reflect her affection but wasn't obvious enough to get her fired...yet. Or so she hoped. In a moment of pure stupidity she took that tiny plush kitten she had once won at a shooting stand. Harley didn't know what possessed her to bring him a stuffed animal. But she brought it with her never the less. However, her present wasn't the only thing that bothered her. If Mr.Cash followed through with his threat Arkham would surely like to talk to her. This wasn't looking good. In fact, she hoped the Joker decided to break free rather sooner than later. Because she wasn't sure on how long she could fit in anymore. If you cross a line it is hard to know where to draw it afterwards. Almost, as if you loose something on the way to work and you just can`t figure out where exactly on the long road you`ve lost it. So she needed more than half an hour more to dress and get ready for work. She had planned on letting er hair down, but she wasn`t sure whether someone would notice and see it as a sign of change. Maybe she was just paranoid. What would Harleen do, the voice that had kept quiet for some time now. She would definitely tuck her hair back. _Ready?_ she asked herself. Then she left her apartment and went to get her car.  
  
When she arrived the Asylum she was already late. This wasn`t a good start if she wanted to be inconspicuous. But there was  nothing she could change now. So she straightened her back and confidently climbed the stairs to the main entry. The guard didn`t even look at her when he screened her ID and just waved her through. She felt out of place, as if she didn`t belong here anymore. Everything had gotten weird.  
Then she spotted Joan. She was standing at the information desk, talking to the guard. She tried to sneak past her but it was too late and Joan approached her with a concerned look on her face.  
  
,,Harleen! What is going on with you? You don`t text back, I never see you at work anymore.. It is almost as if you vanished from the face of the earth!"  
  
Harley had no intention at all to spend her time explaining herself to Joan. She wouldn`t understand anyways. But if she wanted to avoid getting dragged to the psych ward herself she had to answer something.  
  
,,Hi Joan. Yeah I know I`ve been busy. And honestly..." what could she tell her that would explain her strange behavior?, ,,Honestly... I just can`t get over the break-up with my boyfriend. It`s been bothering me for weeks. I guess I just needed some time."   
  
Yes, boyfriend trouble was always a valid excuse. Apparently Joan agreed there. Phew, she was safe for now.  
,,Oh Harleen, I am so sorry to hear that. You know, you can always talk to me. If you feel bad today I could take over the session with Joker for you. I know how cruel he can be."  
How dare she to even suggest something like that. No way Harley would allow that bitch to take over her beloved session! Anger caused her blood to boil,   
  
,,Nah.. I feel confident he won`t be trying anything."

Joan looked surprised, obviously she didn`t expect that answer.  
,,Uhm... alright, wish you the best of luck then! By the way, did you know that Cash requested to change all the locks on level 4? He must have lost a key or so. Things like that just creep me out." Joan instantly regretted it and added ,,I`m so sorry, you tell me how bad I feel and I just put more on your plate. I am such an idiot. I am sure it is nothing to worry about!" 

Harley had gotten pale. That dick Cash really intended to make her life miserable. Oh he would pay for that. But not now. She had to get to her session now. So she assured Joan that she was alright and crossed the entry hall. That was when she caught the sight of Mr. Cash talking to Dr. Arkham. Arkham looked concerned. Harley got nervous. What if Cash had said more than just that he lost his key. What if he told Arkham that he suspected Harley? What if she wasn't even allowed to have her therapy session today, what if they were talking about her? She tried to hide her growing fear of being exposed and simply greeted them while heading for the elevator.  
Mr.Cash glared at her and seemingly innocently patting his key ring. Harley knew she was on borrowed time. So she just sped up her walk and when the elevator doors closed she sighed heavily. This day was one big gauntlet.  
When she arrived at level 4, she went straight to the therapy room. The Joker was there already, sitting on his chair, tightly wrapped in his straightjacket. At least the camera for the live feed was still de-mounted and she didn't even bother to start the recording. Everything from here on out would either end with her aiding and abetting a notorious killer or with her being locked away in a place similar to the Asylum. And it was completely out of her hands.  
  
She sat down without speaking a single word. In the beginning, the silence was awkward. Even though she thought of it as a rather intimate moment. They sat across each other and she couldn't take her eyes off of him. Finally, she managed to say something. She cleared her throat.

,,I brought you something,” she said, hiding her embarrassment from him by blissfully avoiding his intense glance.

He eyed her with curiosity.

,,Oh, Dr. Quinzel. I live for these moments with you!” he purred. She couldn`t tell whether it was mockery or not, but then he added, ,,What have you got?”

Harley fumbled in her lab coat pocket showed him the tiny stuffed animal. She blushed and smiled shyly at him.

,,I got you a kitty!”

 _Now she is really going crazy_ , he thought. But somehow it was so absurd that he had to smile.

,,So thoughtful,” he replied, smiling back at her by exposing all of his shiny teeth.  
Harley was glad that he seemed to like it. She knew it was probably the most stupid gift she had ever made someone but she didn`t care.   
  
The Joker shifted in his seat.  
,,There is something you could do for me” he purred nonchalantly.

Startled upon the sudden change of topic, she gave him a quizzical look. 

,,Anything, I mean, yeah,” she replied, tucking a strand of loose hair behind her ear.

He stared at her, eyes dark and face all serious. This wasn't just a nice chat anymore, this was business.

,,I need a machine gun!”

Harley frowned. He couldn't be serious, could he? But his facial expression left no doubt. This was an order.

,,A machine gun?” she asked, still in complete disbelief.

He just continued to stare.  
,,You do wanna join me, don`t you? Well, see it as an opportunity to...prove yourself!”  
Harley knew, if this was what she needed to do to be taken with, she would do it.  
The Joker observed her. She seemed compliant and determined. _Good,_ he thought.

,,Also,” he added , ,,You should visit my club. Ask for Frost. He`ll know what to do,” he smirked.  
This was going in a completely different direction than she had anticipated.   
She was so screwed. But it was all or nothing. She knew that game and she would not yet fold her cards..

,,Alright,” she said, knowing full well that this was complete and utter madness , ,,I will get you what you need!”

 

She ended the session early and went straight home, avoiding Arkham and Cash. What did she agree to? How could she possibly agree to such a request? And how would she be able to fulfill her promise without getting locked away? She knew what he expected her to do and she had to do it. Just how on earth could she possibly get a hold on a machine gun? No way she would be able to purchase one legally. So that left only one option. She had to follow Mr.J`s instructions and visit his club. He had said that Frost would know what to do. She would just have to count on that now. This wasn't going to be easy. But then again, she didn't sign up for easy.

Harley took her car and drove all the way to Gotham`s lesser frequented but greatly feared criminal part of the city, Gotham`s underground. At first, she felt more safe in her car, but when she realized how exposed she was, driving her minivan through the alleys, she parked it somewhere out of sight and hoped she would still be able to drive back after her visit to the club. So she walked the rest, which wasn't really a smart option either. She felt as if every head turned towards her, felt the intense gaze of invisible eyes, hidden in the darkness of the dirty streets. Usually this part of Gotham was avoided by non-criminals and when she, in her cute jeans and nerdy glasses, walked past the scum and dangerous population, it was only natural that she would be stared at.  
But even though she didn't belong here and had never been here before, she knew where to go. The Joker`s Club was famous. And sometimes even students visited his place, if they needed the adrenaline rush or wanted to get laid. But it wasn't without risk. In there almost anything was allowed...

She heard it before she saw it. The club was buzzing and loud music poured out onto the otherwise silent alleys. _Now or never_ , she thought. She tried her best not to look afraid and walked into the club radiating as much self-confidence as she could manage. This little stunt required all the courage she had left. Curious faces turned towards her, staring at her with anger, disbelief or a dirty smile. She had never felt as uneasy as right now, in this very moment. She was completely lost here. And how could she possibly know which of those many men was Frost? _You are so screwed, this was a bad idea!_ But just when she wanted to turn away and leave the club, a strong arm pulled her aside.  
It belonged to an ugly man with many scars on his face. He definitely had the attitude of a serial killer. Harley paled and couldn't even manage a single word.

,,What is a young and innocent lady like you doing in this club?” He asked with a salacious smile.  
  
,,I am... I am looking for Frost?” She made it sound rather like a question than an answer. The man didn't seem to care about what she said. He just advanced on her, grabbing her wrists and pulling her closer. She tried to protest but someone was faster than her, shoving the man onto the bar, squeezing his throat. The helpful attacker looked like the typical army guy. Fiercely trained but with the attitude of having seen about every gruesome thing in this world.  
  
,,Fuck off Jimmy and leave this club. Scum like you is not allowed in here!” He shouted angrily. Then he let the ugly man go and turned towards Harley.  
  
,,I believe you asked for me? I am Frost. What do you want?”  
  
At first she couldn't believe that this man right in front of her was one of the Joker`s guys. He looked just so... so serious.  
  
,,Uhm... Yeah. Well, it is complicated. I was sent by Mr.J... Uhm, the Joker? He told me to ask for you.”  
  
He eyed her with suspicion. How the hell did she know the Joker? How was she still alive and why the fuck was she coming to the club?  
  
,,I think we better discuss this somewhere private,” he said and lead her away from the loud music and the crowd of drunk and dancing people.  
He pushed open a door with the sign ,Keep Out Or Get Shot` that lead into an office.  
The office was huge and cosy, it almost looked like a tiny apartment. There was a large desk and a purple sofa. She didn't know whether she should stay standing or take a seat until Frost signaled her to sit down. She gladly followed the suggestion as her legs started to tremble when the adrenaline finally wore off.  
  
,,So tell me, who are you and what do you have to do with the Joker?”  
Harley blushed. This was way more awkward than she had imagined it to be.  
  
,,I am Harleen Quinzel, I am his psychologist at the Asylum. And he sent me to get guns and some of you guys to break him out.”  
  
Frost stared at her, mouth wide open, eyes narrowed. It was so absurd that he almost had to laugh. But then again, weird things like that mostly turned out to be true. After all, it did sound like one of the Joker`s ideas.  
Frost had gotten a message a few weeks earlier by a corrupted guard member, where the Joker had informed him that he intended to extend his stay at the Asylum and he`d send someone if he wanted to get out. This had to be the doctor he had referred to as ,,blonde little playtoy”. Even though Frost was glad to finally hear from his boss, especially since things got difficult around here without him, he felt sorry for the woman. She clearly had to be blackmailed or threatened into doing this.

Harley recognized the look on his face. It was the look of underestimation. She hated it.  
,,I KNOW what I am doing. He asked me to bring machine guns. He needs to get out of the Asylum and I have the key to his cell. Now, if we want to do this, we have to speed up things, because if we don`t I am going to get busted and my magnetic ID card to enter the building won`t work anymore. So... can we move along or do you need more time to process?”  
  
Her face was red. Frost smirked. _She is option two_ , he thought, _She is crazy_. That was probably why she was still alive. But it didn't matter why she was in, the only thing that mattered was that she was of use. And she was right, they had to move quickly. The only problem that posed a threat to the plan was that, since their last acquisition of guns failed due to Batman`s interfering, they weren't really equipped with enough gear to bust into the Asylum.

They needed to see someone who had access to guns and didn't ask questions. There was only one guy in town, who was purely a business man and he was called the Penguin. Even though Frost hated that spineless creature, it was the only way they could get their hands on enough weapons to bust his boss out of the loony bin.  
  
,,Alright lady,” he said. Then he picked up the phone and dialed a number.  
,,Frost here, get the guys. It`s showtime. Meet me at Penguins den and bring back up.”  
  
That was all he said. Then he put on a black leather jacket and gestured her to follow him. Outside of the club there was a black van with bullet proof glass. It had to be one of theirs. Frost headed for the driver`s seat and told her to get in. She obeyed without protest. She was way out of her comfort zone. What did she sign up for? This was going to get bloody. And this time, there would be blood on her hands too.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry that this chapter turned out to be so short but somehow it didn`t fit into any of the other ones that will follow. The next chapter will include her first confrontation with the Penguin. Let me know what you think about it :)


	9. Deal with the Penguin

CHAPTER 9 : Deal with the Penguin

\--------------------------------------------------

Selfish, taking what I want and call it mine  
I'm helpless, clinging to a little bit of spine  
They rush me, telling me I'm running out of time  
They shush me, walking me across a fragile line  
  
Halsey – Hold Me Down

 

The drive seemed to last forever. Harley was bored and staring out of the car window, watching as those old and rotten buildings passed by. She didn't really know what to do, so she tried to talk to Frost. It couldn't harm to get to know one of the Joker`s trustees. But he wasn't the smalltalk kind of guy. Every time she asked something he would make a growling sound that meant ,,Shut up, please”. But silence was way more awkward than the unwelcome smalltalk. So Harley tried again.  
  
,,Why do you work for Mr.J? How did you get there?”  
  
It was the question that interested her the most. She had been wondering why the Joker trusted someone like Frost. Frost was missing all the intriguing qualities of Mr.J. He was a straight-up guy, serious, disciplined, no sense of humor. But then again, maybe that was the reason why Mr. J was was keeping him around. There was only enough space for one erratic madman like the Joker in this town.  
  
,,None of your business, lady!” he replied. And Harley acknowledged it with a nod. She decided she would shut up for the rest of the drive. She couldn't risk Frost turning on her because she got too annoying, could she?  
  
Her thoughts wandered off to where they were headed. The Penguin`s residency. She knew next to nothing about him, except that he was probably the least crazy one of those criminals. He only cared about money. Maybe that was why Batman didn't catch him and drag him to Arkham like all the others. She didn't know whether the Penguin was smart or just driven and Harley wondered whether he truly looked like a Penguin or if that name was based on something else entirely. But she was about to find that out.  
  
The black van stopped in front of a huge mansion. It was a villa with garden and must have cost a fortune some time ago. But it wasn't fancy or modern, it was old and victorian. Even though it was impressive, Harley could tell that it suffered from old age and probably needed a do-over. Apparently this was the Penguin`s ,,den”, as they called it. It didn't fit the personality of the business man that she had heard about at all. There was a huge garden in front of the house too. But it wasn't green, it was yellowish and dry, as if someone had simply forgotten to water it. A few trees were standing next to the main gate, like guards, denying anyone entry who wasn't welcome.  
  
Frost glanced at the blonde petite woman sitting next to him. She had been annoying him the entire drive. He felt as if he was in the wrong movie. They were about to purchase weapons to free the Joker and the leading person was the Joker`s psychologist. Even though he was surprised by how tough she was, he spotted a little bit of insecurity in her eyes. But if they relied on her and she wanted to be part of it, she had to get over it. He needed to know whether he could trust her. And therefore he had to test her. This meeting with the Penguin was a perfect opportunity to see whether she was gang material or not.  
  
,,You ready?” he asked. Shooting her a concerned look.  
Harley swallowed hard, then offered him a fake smile.  
,,Sure I am. Let`s do this.”

,,You lead the way,” Frost replied as he got out of the car.  
Harley followed him. But when they were about to pass the main gate she spotted several other black vans that were parked around the mansion. Those must have been ,,the guys” as Frost had called them earlier on the phone. It reminded her of those old mafia movies she used to watch as a child. But before she could ask him how many of these men would be joining them, her thoughts were interrupted by a high-pitched voice coming from an intercom, asking them what they wanted.  
Frost directed his head towards the cameras and spoke into the intercom.

,,It`s Frost. I`m here for business. Open the fucking gate, Penguin.”  
  
Usually, Oswald Cobblepot didn't like it if people were being rude. But Frost was one of the Joker`s best men. Even though he despised the Joker and all his bad jokes and unnecessary violence, the Penguin was not one to take chances.  
  
The door opened and Frost and Harley walked through the gate towards the mansion. They had to cross at least 100m of dead grass. The huge house was casting dark shadows on the dry ground. The scenery was surreal, as if it came straight out of a nightmare.  
When they arrived at the front door Harley wanted to knock, but before she could even rise a hand the door swung open mechanically and a bodyguard appeared in the doorway.  
  
,,Hand over the weapons you carry with you.” He ordered. He was at least 2m tall and looked like a bulldog.  
Harley was slightly irritated, since she wasn't carrying any weapons with her. But from the look on Frost`s face she could tell that he was, and he wasn't happy at all to hand them over.  
Harley almost expected him too shoot the man in the face but then he very reluctantly handed over his .480 Ruger, teeth gritted and eyes narrowed.  
Harley gathered that the relationship between the Penguin and the Joker wasn't the best, but apparently there was some kid of mutual respect. Or simply co-dependency.  
  
The bulldog guy with the grumpy face suspiciously eyed Harley and tried to frisk her, but Frost intervened.  
,,She`s not armed. Keep your ugly hands to yourself.” He hissed.  
Even though Harley didn't like when others spoke on her behalf, she was glad that Frost was there.  
  
The bodyguard scoffed and rolled his eyes at them. Then he lead them into a room at the end of the corridor. The office was small and shabby. It smelled of mothballs and it looked like it seriously needed some dusting. The walls were covered with paintings depicting the Penguin and his mother. _This is creepy_ , Harley thought, _and deeply disturbing._  
Maybe he wasn't as sane as she had initially assumed.  
Her eyes wandered around in the tiny office. Only on a second look, she realized that the Penguin was standing behind his desk, carefully measuring them with his piercing little eyes.

He was short, rather slim and wearing a tuxedo. He really did look like a Penguin, dressed up like that and wearing those way oversized shoes. She wondered whether he named himself or if it was the result of his clothing and general appearance.  
Then he approached them, limping and leaning on a cane. _Ahh_ , she thought, _he doesn't just look the part, he walks like a penguin too_.  
  
The penguin stopped right in front of them and accusingly pointed his cane at Harley.  
  
,,Who are you?” He asked her. His voice was too high for a man and she noticed the doubt in it. Even though he looked ridiculous, she could barely manage a word. He had the attitude of someone who was used to getting his way. And, after all, he was still the Penguin.

  
,,I am... My name is Harleen Quinzel, and I am here for business purposes,” she finally muttered.

His jaw dropped and his eyes widened. What in the hell was this? A circus party or a bad joke? He thought about throwing them out. But he instantly regained his constitution. It was better not to start a dispute. It could easily end in a turf war.  
  


,,So,” he started the conversation, ,,What kind of business brings someone like you out here, with him?” He asked suspiciously, gesturing towards Frost while treating him as if he wasn't there. He didn't like the Joker`s bullterrier.  
Harley didn't really know what to say so she silently sought help from Frost. But he just signaled her to go on.

,,I... I mean we... need machine guns.”

  
This was ridiculous, the Penguin thought. Why would Frost need machine guns and why did he drag this lady along? But with the Joker one could never know if it was serious. And no one wanted him as an enemy. So he decided to play along.

  
,,What for?” he asked. Usually he didn't care and mostly did not want to know the reasons behind requests. He was a business man and knowing too much was never good for business or one`s safety, for that matter. But his curiosity was peaked.

Harley decided is was best to answer truthfully and she didn't know what else she could use machine guns for anyways.

,,We want to break out the Joker from Arkham Asylum,” she stated. Even now she couldn't believe the words she just spoke. Frost eyed her nervously and she could tell that he was already getting antsy. He didn't like the tone of their conversation. He just wanted to get it done. But apparently the Penguin had difficulties comprehending what she just said. He stared at her, warily and confused.

  
,,Breaking out the Joker? Lady, are you SURE?”

Harley realized that he wasn't just suspicious but also didn't respect her, at all. She needed to stand her ground or else Frost would probably eliminate her right away. Harley remembered that they had a timeline. She needed to do this now. The sooner the better, the more time she wasted here arguing, the bigger the possibility that someone was after her or changing the locks to Joker`s door.  
  


,,Listen, Mr. Cobblepot,” she addressed him as politely as she knew how, ,,I need those guns. Can you provide or can`t you?”

Puzzled by her unexpected confidence, he glanced at her distrustfully but then he nodded.

,,How many?” he asked.

Harley looked at Frost, waiting for an answer. She had no idea how many they needed.

,,Uhm... twenty, maybe?” She asked rather than answered.  
,,Maybe? Lady, I have no use for guesses, I need a number.” Cobblepot scoffed.  
  
Frost knew Harley was trying hard to convince him. Considering that this was her first time to negotiate a deal, she was`t doing too bad. And apart from that, he didn't like the Penguin`s rudeness. So he decided to pitch in.  
,,We don`t need that many, for now. Fifteen will do for today.”  
Cobblepot shot him an angry glare.

,,I usually don`t sell such low quantities,” he started, but when he caught the threat in Frost`s eyes he immediately added ,,But I will make an exception this time.”  
  


The Penguin wasn't pleased by the visit of Frost and his likes and freeing the Joker wasn't something he would vote for if it was up to him. This madman belonged behind bars or even in a padded cell and the keys tossed away. But on the other hand, business was doing bad with all those maniacs locked up in the Asylum. He saw an advantage in their plan and the joker owing him a favor wasn't too bad either. Even though he highly doubted that this psycho would ever stay true to his word.

  
,,About the payment..” he started.  
Frost straightened his back. He was disgusted by this disloyal and spineless man.  
,,You know the Joker is good for it. We will be needing another load of guns anyways when the boss is back. Consider this a personal favor.”

 

The Penguin had intended to complain but he decided to let it go. He wouldn't win the fight. He had to swallow his anger.  
So he agreed. They cut the deal and two body guards accompanied them outside.  
Harley was still high on adrenaline. This evening turned out to be one hell of a ride. She knew Frost had tested her there with the Penguin. She hoped she didn't completely fail at the task. But when she caught his smile she knew she would survive. At least for the next few minutes.

  
,,You didn't do too bad, lady!” He smirked. There was something about her that he respected. Maybe her courage.  
,,Harley it is.” She replied, offering him a genuine smile.  
  
,,Harley then. But why do you want to help the Joker to break out?” he asked.  
  
He just couldn't believe that she did it out of madness, she didn't seem that crazy now that he had observed her for a while.  
Harley shrugged. How could she possibly make him understand? He would laugh at the truth.  
  
,,I am doing this because I want him to be free. That`s all you need to know.” She answered.  
But Frost wasn't happy with that. If she had a hidden agenda he needed to know. Things like that could ruin everything.  
  
,,Tell me what you get out of it.” He demanded. His voice was cold.  
Harley sighed. He probably thought she was insane anyways, so it didn't matter much if she just told him the truth. She hoped.  
  
,,He promised me to take me with him when he leaves.” She eyed Frost and was waiting for laughter. But he didn't laugh. He just looked at her. Was that sadness in his eyes, or pity?  
  
Frost knew that his boss would never hold up his end of the deal with Harley. He was just using her, manipulating her. Even though he couldn't possibly think of a reason why Harley would want to join him, she seemed truthful about it. _Poor girl_ , he thought. For a moment, he was thinking about warning her, telling her to go home and go back to studying her books. But the determined look in her eyes told him that she wasn't going to back out. And after all, they needed her to get access. If they lost the advantage of surprise by blazing through the doors it could get hairy. Their little gang only consisted of thirteen of Frost`s most trusted men. If the guards mobilized the police, or even worse, Batman, things could go south.  
  
His thoughts were interrupted when four of the Penguin`s men went over to Frost`s black van. They were carrying two bags with guns and a third one with ammunition. Frost signaled his guys to get the bags and load the guns. Then he told them to come over. Harley was nervous, even though she knew that apparently Frost was their superior, she didn't know how they would react to her.  
,,Alright, people, meet Harley. The boss sent her. She`s got the card to enter the building and the key to his cell.”  
Silence. Then someone moved forward.  
,,We are not gonna bring that blonde along, are we? She`s bait man. Why not just snitch the key and her card and we dispose of her?”  
He spoke of her as if she wasn't there, clearly not caring at all. Frost rose and eyebrow.  
,,Sure Kevin, let`s just kill her. If you want to risk the bosses anger, go ahead.”  
Kevin paled. No one would dare risking that. Kevin took a few steps back and remained quiet.  
  
,,Anyone else?” Frost asked. Then, a huge guy opened his mouth.  
,,So, who`s she? Does she belong to the gang? She doesn't look like one of us.“  
Frost wanted to answer for her but Harley took the initiative.  
  
,,I am his psychologist at the Asylum.”  
Now everyone was confused. Apparently that didn't clarify the situation. If anything, it made it worse. Frost sighed.  
,,Guys, yeah this is... unusual. But that`s just what we have to deal with now.”  
  
The others stayed quiet but glared angrily at Harley. She realized, they weren't used to a girl having the same or an even higher rank in their group. This was a slap in their face.  
She was grateful that Frost was their superior, she feared that otherwise, she might have ended up in a ditch at the side of the road.  
Frost leaned against the car, he was so calm and relaxed that Harley found it was creepy.  
  
,,Now. That`s how it is going to go down: We will meet at the gate to the Asylum. Each one of you gets a gun and a mask. Harley will go first and use her ID card to open the main gate and the entry. Then, while we will take out the guards with the advantage of a surprise attack, she will bring the Joker his machine gun and open up his cell.”  
Harley swallowed hard. This didn't sound like a Sunday afternoon walk. People were going to die. What about the guard at the entry? Sure, she would get past him, but they would not. Were they going to shoot him? And even though it was already late, some of the regular staff members might still be present. People she knew.  
  
Frost continued, ,,We start at the entry and move up to level four. You guys will be stationed at each level. So one of you will remain at the front door, three of you in the entry hall, three at level one, two and three. I`ll be the one joining Harley on level four. That`s it. We`ll meet at the Asylum in half an hour.” Then, he signaled them to wrap it up.  
  
Harley was just standing there, observing what was going on. With every minute ticking by she was getting closer to breaking into the Asylum. The thought equally terrified and invigorated her. Even though she was scared, this was more exciting than anything she had ever experienced in her whole life. She didn't know what was going to happen next. Anything was possible. Despite her anxiety, she felt free. _This must be what Mr.J told me about,_ she thought, _He is right, we should prefer freedom over safety._  
When Frost ordered her to get in the car, she caught the reflection of her face in the window glass. _Who are you?_ The voice in her head asked. _I am finally who I`m supposed to be,_ Harley answered silently. Then she opened the door and got in, shutting out the sad face on the window glass.  
  


 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, so this one was rather slow paced but the next chapter will be explosive. I mean it! There will be a lot of action and blood. I will probably update on Thursday or Friday again, depending on my progress with my Bachelor thesis (which I should get done soon). But chapter ten is definitely something you can look forward to ;)


	10. Guns blazing

**CHAPTER 10:** Guns blazing

\--------------------------------------------------

I can smell your fear  
The only reason that I'm here  
Is to wreak havoc

Skylar Grey – Wreak Havoc  


When they arrived at the Asylum it was already getting dark. Even though the stars were hidden by thick clouds covering the black sky, the moon still managed to shed dim light on the parking lot. Frost didn't say a word. He just kept staring at the yellow glowing lights from the windows of the Asylum. Harley was nervous. She recognized a specific car that was parked right next to theirs. It belonged to Joan. All the other ones belonged to the guards. Harley realized that Joan was still in there. And she probably wouldn't get out alive, neither would anyone else. She tightened her whitening fists. Despite the complicated relationship she had with Joan, she didn't want her to die. This just wasn't right.  

She glanced at Frost. He seemed focused. 

,,Frost, can we wait for a short while. Just until a friend of mine leaves the building? I'm sure she will leave any moment now!"Harley was asking, almost begging. 

  
He noticed the desperate look on her face. No, he wouldn't wait. Of course he could order the men to wait until only the nightshift was left, but he knew that his boss didn't care about other lives, in fact, he probably wanted to have some ,,fun". Sure, Frost knew that this was sick, but he didn't survive this long as the right hand of the Joker by harboring moral concerns. 

,,No, we're going in!"

Harley paled. What did she do? She would be responsible for the death of her colleagues. Frost didn't even care. A single tear ran down her cheek. No, she wouldn't show weakness. _I`m sorry Joan. But I have to do this. For Mr.J_ , she thought.

 

Frost picked up his phone.

,,Kevin, get ready. I'm sending the doctor now to open the gate for us. When she's in we will follow. When she's at the main entry we will go in and open fire."

,,Yeah, copy that. Getting them ready now, send the bitch."'

Frost turned towards her. 

,,Alright, your turn Doc., now you can prove how tough you are!"

Even though it sounded mean, she could see that he really wanted her to go through with it. For her sake too. She sat up straight, fumbled for her key and the ID card. 

,,I'm ready”, she said. Then she pushed the door open and walked towards the gate. Her shaky legs threatened to give out and her head was numb. But somehow she managed to reach the gate without fainting. She swiped her ID card. 

The light turned red.

Harley's eyes widened. _No! No! no way,_ she thought. She felt an iron fist squeezing her heart. She tried it again. Green. Relief flooded her body. She turned around and spotted Frost and his men waiting a few meters behind the gate. She signaled them to follow her. Harley kept the gate open and the guys slipped through. They were dressed in black and some of them wore weird masks. She believed it was Kevin who was the one with a goat head and the big one wore a panda mask. The scenery was completely surreal. It could have been a scene out of a movie or the dress up for a bad costume party in High-school. But nothing about that situation was funny. They weren't just some guys helping her to free the Joker, those were criminals and this wasn't the first time they were doing something like that. This thought hadn't occurred to her earlier. But there was no time to hesitate. Harley continued to make her way to the main entry. Nobody payed attention to the group of men that was following her in the dark. She felt as if she was the head of an army marching through a camp of enemies. 

 

Harley reached the door and pushed it open. The warm air of the lobby and the familiar smell of medical cleaner washed over her. There was the guard, reaching for her ID card. Everything seemed like complete routine, as if it was just another day at work. But it wasn't. Harley's hands started to tremble. The guard took her card, swiped it and gave her clearance. And there she was, Joan, chatting with the guard at the info desk. Harley wanted to scream and tell her to leave. But she couldn't manage a word.

Joan recognized her. She smiled at her with a friendly expression on her face. 

  
,,Harley? What are you doing here so late?” She asked and walked towards her.  
Only when she got closer she realized that something was wrong. She was about to ask another question but she couldn't finish her sentence. Panda-guy slid the guards throat behind Harley`s back and a splash of warm blood landed on her jacket. The expression on Joan's face changed into surprise and then faded into pure panic. Suddenly, the sound of a gunshot made everyone flinch. Joan`s mouth opened one last time before her eyes became empty and dead and a little red hole expanded on the front of her head. Harley finally managed to scream and a loud, desperate noise escaped her mouth as Joan`s lifeless body dropped to the floor.  
  
More gun-shots followed. And all hell broke loose. Goat-head-Kevin was screaming and howling like a wolf on the hunt and the others followed him and riled each other up. They clearly took joy in murdering those innocent people and seemed as if they were on drugs. Then, the paired up teams of three ran up the stairs, firing shot after shot into staff members. It was so loud that Harley turned temporarily deaf after a gun exploded right next to her ear. The hallway was smeared with blood. It looked like one of those ugly modern paintings.

She froze. Her body wouldn't move and her mind was on standby. Her brain couldn't process everything that was happening around her.    


Frost realized that she was going into shock and shoved her to the staircase, screaming something at her. But she couldn't understand. The only thing she heard was a loud buzzing sound coming from inside her head. He grabbed her wrists and pulled her up the stairs to level one. Harley finally manged to overcome her lethargy. Frost signaled her to go up and free the Joker. 

 _Yes,_ her brain remembered, _that is why you are here._ She had to free him. Nothing else mattered. And then she started to run. She made her way past level 2 and 3, ignoring the screams and the bodies in the corridors and the growing paddles of blood. Her heart was beating on overdrive, her mind had just one goal: _Get to level four, free Mr.J_. Then she reached level 4. She took a moment to catch her breath and looked around. Up here it was almost silent compared to the lower levels. Frost was nowhere to be seen. Rick wasn't there either. He was probably one of those bodies piling up on level 3.

Harley jogged down the hallway. The prisoners of level 4 were only just now realizing that something was going on and whenever she was passing one of their cells they started to shout and scream. But she didn't care. She wasn't there for them. And then, she reached the cell of Mr.J.  


The Joker had noticed the gunfire long before Harley arrived at his cell. A sinister smile spread across his face. Finally some action! He didn't expect her to really come through. Even though she seemed more than compliant the last time they spoke, she was not cut out for this kind of ,,action”. But it sure was flattering how much influence he had on that girl. It was quite impressive that she had managed to get to Frost and bring his gang along to free him. That was some determination! She had to reach him any moment now.  
He could already hear the sound of her high-heels approaching his cell. Even tough he enjoyed toying with her, he felt that he needed to cut her loose. She was cute and devoted, but she also required attention and affection. And he wasn't someone to show affection when there was no purpose to it. She had fulfilled her purpose and now she was no use to him anymore. Maybe he would shoot her. He imagined the surprised and hurt look on her face when he would take that gun she brought him and point it at her. _Fabulous_ , he smirked. Or maybe he would just leave her in here with all the other criminals. She said that she ,,liked the thrill”, didn't she? Well, she would get more than she asked for.

 

When Harley reached Mr.J.`s cell she fumbled for the key and opened the heavy door. He was just standing there as if he had waited for her. He approached her slowly, clearly enjoying the sound of terror haunting the hallways of the Asylum.

,,Thank you love, I knew you would make it,” he purred. Then he ripped the machine off of her hands and swiftly moved out of the cell. She noticed that he was incredibly handy with the heavy thing and realized that he must have extensive experience. Cold shivers ran down her spine. And then he started walking along the cell row of level 4, from time to time shooting through the mechanism of the heavy doors and releasing specific patients. He just left her there, in front of his cell, alone with the most notorious serial killers and maniacs of the Asylum.

 

When the Joker left Harley, standing there in the corridor, he didn't even look back. He was so excited to be free that he didn't care about anything else. The machine gun in his hands made him feel powerful and his anger and craving for blood would finally be answered. He walked down the corridor, releasing shot after shot. But he wasn't just here to enjoy this moment, he wanted to free some of his fellow prisoners too. He passed Scarecrow`s cell first. The slim guy was standing at the door, trying to find out what was going on. The Joker would certainly not free that one. He waited for a brief moment and lowered his gun.  
  
,,Crane, you little bastard. How`s it going in there?” he mocked the man.  
  
,,Let me out clown.”  
  
,,You wish!” he smirked and released a series of hysterical laughter.  
  
,,Make yourself comfy in there, you are not gonna leave tonight my friend.” Now he was grinning.  
He enjoyed this way too much. He had other prisoners to visit. So he took the gun and shot through the small window. When he heard the scream he knew he didn't miss. Crane wasn't going to die from this, but it must have hurt like a bitch.  
  
He continued to walk, slowly, taking his time. He whistled happily and jolted his head back. The screams and gunfire were like music to his ears and the air was thick with the smell of fear. He was in his element! The tiger was finally back in the jungle and everyone else was prey.  
Then he heard steps approaching, some of the guards must have made it to level 4.  
His eyes turned black, he bended his knees, leaned back and started to gun down anyone that appeared around the corner. He was laughing insanely. He had completely gone rogue.  


Frost heard the insane laughter, apparently Harley had already gotten him out. His boss was shooting around as if he was possessed, riddling anyone with bullets who came within reach. He would run out of ammunition soon. So Frost yelled ,,boss” and then reached out to throw him another round of ammunition.  
  
The Joker caught it one-handedly. But he didn't make use of it. It appeared as if he had just gotten caught up in the moment but actually had other things to do. So instead he paced down the prison cells and then he stopped in front of Victor Zsasz cell. This guy wasn't really a friend of his, well, no one was, but Zsasz knew how to butcher people and that was at least something. And the more bastards and evil creatures he released, the more Batman had to invest in getting them back here. So he took a few steps back and shot through the door mechanism. He walked a few meters, then repeated the same thing again, releasing Pamela Isley and Killer Croc. He thought about freeing Two-Face, but then decided against it. Instead he freed the Mad Hatter and Nygma. They didn't really know why he let them out, but none of them cared. They just stepped out of their cells, waited until the gunfire ceased and then quietly left level 4. None of them was as blood-thirsty as the Joker. Or maybe they just wanted to get out before Batman arrived. After a few minutes, everyone was gone and most of the guards were already down, wetting the white sterile floor with their blood. But one man was still standing in the corridor, between the Joker and the horribly confused and quite disturbed Harley. His name was Victor Zsasz.

 

Victor Zsasz was pleased when he heard the gunfire. And when the Joker released him from his cell, he was more than just excited. He quickly screened the hallway and detected a young woman standing there all by herself. Unprotected. Abandoned.  
Well, today was his lucky day.

Harley didn't even listen to the surrounding noise anymore. She had observed how Mr.J gunned down guard after guard until the hallway rather looked like a ring of hell straight out of Dante`s Inferno. She had ever seen so much blood in her entire life, never so much violence and well, never so much crazy. When Mr.J had started to shoot around randomly while laughing hysterically, every last bit of strength had left her. She just felt weak and tired. She probably would have sat down and would have just buried her head in her hands, if she hadn't spotted that bold man staring at her. She wasn't afraid, but she was so out of it, that she couldn't move.

He glared at her, hands cramped into fists. And she was sure she heard a deep and dangerous growling sound emerging from his throat. _Fight or flight,_ she thought. But her body didn't play along with either option. He jumped her and hit her hard in the stomach, causing her to fall on the floor. He pulled her up and smacked her against the prison wall. Her head bled and hurt like hell and the stomach ache almost made her vomit. She tried to fight back, tried to dig her fingers into is eyes, to escape his tight grip. But he was so much stronger. She had no chance. He shoved her against the wall so hard, that she felt her ribs cracking. Harley tried to get up, but couldn't lift herself off the floor. Bruises already started to show up and some of them leaked blood. She didn't cry, she tried to defend her body with her arms. But that didn't help. He grabbed her by the hair and dragged her into the nearby treatment room, pushed her onto the metal laboratory table and put his hands around her throat and squeezed. She was pinned down, fighting for air until she almost passed out. Black spots appeared in her vision and her head felt numb and dizzy.  
Suddenly, as if he had changed his mind, he released her throat and strapped her to the table. He smiled at her but it was the smile of a killer. His eyes were nervously screening the room, until he found what he was looking for. He stepped closer to her with a huge surgical knife in his right hand. Just then, when she thought she was going to die, someone pushed open the heavy door and she heard confident footsteps approaching the laboratory table.  
  
When the Joker had finished his round and released the prisoners, he went over to Frost, asking him about the others.  
  
,,Boss, everything worked out, but we need to leave. Even though I am pretty sure we killed everyone before they could get their hands on a phone, Batman seems to know about these things. So we should get the hell out of here as long as we still can!”  
  
The Joker agreed. It was definitely time to leave. He felt hot and ripped off his shirt to get some relief. _Much better_ , he thought. But when the he wanted to leave the 4th floor, he noticed the fighting noises coming from the corridor. He was curious and when he turned around, he was just in time to observe how Zsasz dragged a badly bruised and bloody Harley inside the nearby treatment room. _So what?_ He thought, _problem solved_. He wanted to turn around again but it felt wrong. He couldn't leave. Even though it was the smart thing to do, his craving for control and power forced him to ignore it. He was angry. Because he had released that scum of a man. And if anyone got to kill Harley, it would be him. He was the one who created her, the one who owned her. Annoyed and raging he paced down the hallway and pushed the heavy door open that separated the corridor from the treatment room.

 

Harley opened her eyes and tried to see who just entered the room. But her head was too tightly strapped to the table. She couldn't even move one bit.  
  
,,Leave the room!” a well familiar voice ordered.  
Zsasz took a final homicidal glance at her, before he reluctantly moved away. When he moved, Harley finally spotted the slim but well trained person standing in the doorway. He wore the typical black Arkham sport trousers but no shirt, which enabled her to finally explore the other tattoos spread across his body. Her eyes were sore and her head still dizzy. Mr. J. energetically moved closer, putting on a purple rubber glove and swiftly shoving a bright lamp right over her face, which caused her to blink against the light.

,,What do we have here?” he snarled, offering her a callous smile.  
When she met his eyes she knew, he wasn't here to save her, he had other things in mind. His pupils were completely dilated and his fingers nervously twitching.

She stared at him while he was insanely glancing at her, his lips parted and breathing heavily.

She wanted to cry and shout. She felt betrayed and used. But instead, Harley swallowed all her anger and fear. Crying wouldn't do her any good, nor would complaining help her cause. She had to face him. She wouldn't back down, no, she wasn't that shy little girl anymore. No matter how much she was hurting. No matter how betrayed she felt, she wouldn't do him the favor and give up.

,,What are you gonna do? You`re gonna kill me Mr.J?” she hissed angrily.  
After all, she was the reason he was free! If he wanted to kill her, he should have the balls to say it straight to her face.

But he just shook his head nervously, eyes rolling up, as if he wanted to get rid of voices.

,,What?” he said, looking surprised and confused at the same time. Then he suddenly straightened his back and stood upright, giving her a dangerous smile.

He chuckled, as if he was amused by her apparently stupid question. Then he bowed down, his face hovering closely over hers, his hands holding on to the electrodes of an ECT machine.

,,No, I`m not gonna kill you,” he smirked, ,,I`m just gonna hurt you, really, really bad!”

 

She knew what was going to happen, she had observed it at several occasions and it had never been pretty. Electro convulsive therapy was outdated and only used to treat people with severe depressions. And even then, patients were injected with muscle relaxants prior to treatment. She didn't know what it could do in the hands of a mad man. Maybe she would die or go completely insane. But she decided she wouldn't let him see her fear. He did not get to torture her AND break her will. So she stared right back at him.

,,Oh yeah? Well, I can take it,” she replied firmly, never breaking eye-contact. He swiftly moved around the table and allowed her to bite down on a leather strap. She gritted her teeth, closed her eyes and then, everything blurred into a white light of pain.

 

As soon as the Joker had spotted the ECT machine, he knew this was it. It was perfect. So without further thinking, he picked up the electrodes. At first, he wasn't sure whether he wanted to fry her to death or just enough so that she would pass out. Well, he wasn't qualified anyways so the outcome would be a surprise. When he had first seen her, strapped to the table like that, he felt both satisfied but also uncomfortable. Even though he hadn't intended to free her, the thought had occurred to him. This angered him so much, that he wanted to prove himself that he didn't need her. That killing her didn't bother him at all. Sure, he had hoped for some tears, some begging or at least a few desperate words. But instead she had remained calm. Even though he could see that she was afraid and sad, she appeared to be mostly angry. To be angry and not to break down completely in such a moment took a lot of strength. Even he knew that. And that was something he respected. He liked people who could take their pain. Harley just didn't cease to amaze him. And when she looked at him with her big blue eyes, he could see determination. He didn't doubt her words when she said, that she could take it. But courage wasn't going to save her. He would do this and he would enjoy it. But he wouldn't laugh at her pain. Even he had certain principles.  
  
When he switched on the electricity, her body arched up in an unhealthy angle. Her eyes rolled back inside her head. Her fingers and toes were twitching back and forth and her legs shivered as if she was having a terrible fever. It was stunning. It was beautiful.  
When he switched it off, her body crashed back onto the metal table and she didn't move at all. Only her fingers were still twitching as a passive reaction to the volts still circulating her body.  
The Joker felt Frost`s gaze on his back and turned around.  
Even though his right hand man was a tough son of a bitch, he seemed quite shocked.  
,,Boss...uhm.. we should leave.” He mumbled. He couldn't take off his eyes of Harley`s mutilated body.  
,,Yes, I am done.” He snarled , ,,Go get the others, I`ll follow.”  
Frost stepped out of the room and started to walk down the hallway of level 4. _That poor woman,_ he thought. Frost sure hoped she was dead. Nobody wanted to survive something like that and live with those memories. When he reached the stairs he took one final look back. His boss still hadn't moved. _Maybe he feels sorry for her._ But Frost knew that this was probably just wishful thinking. Nothing about that man was human.  
  
The Joker silently watched Harley`s beautiful face. Not even blood and bruises could destroy her. If anything, they made her more beautiful.  
When he was sure that Frost had left, he closed in on the table. He didn't know why but he had to know whether she was still alive, had to touch her. So he held his long index finger to her throat and felt for her pulse. There was none. It wasn't really surprising, considering what he had put her through, but he didn't feel relieved nor pleased. He felt... disappointed? Maybe he had expected her to survive. Maybe he even wanted her to survive. This feeling was different than any other feeling he had felt during the past few years and it was... disturbing. He stared at her lifeless body. He was confused. Then, she suddenly started to breath. Her chest was slowly moving up and down. The Joker couldn't help but smile. _You are indeed a tough cookie_ , he thought. He stretched his hand out and gently tucked a strand of loose hair behind her ear, just like she used to do. _We`ll meet again, Harley Quinn._

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have to say that I loved writing this chapter. It is somehow a key scene because I think it is the first time that the Joker realizes that Harley means more to him than he wants her to. The next chapter will be hard for Harley, but we all know where they will end up eventually ...


	11. The Beauty of Dispair

**CHAPTER 11:**  The Beauty of Dispair

\-------------------------------------------------

We held our breath when the clouds began to form  
But you were lost in the beating of the storm  
But in the end, we were made to be apart  
Like separate chambers of the human heart

  
Linkin Park – Burning In The Skies

Arkham Asylum was ground zero. The post apocalyptic silence of the aftermath was even worse than the noise of terror and bloodshed. When the Joker left level 4 he also left Harley. He wasn't sure what was going to happen to her now, but she wasn't his problem. Somehow he knew, this wouldn't be the last time they met. He finally turned around and took the stairs down to the entry hall. The stairs were wet from blood and pieces of flesh and bones. He even had to climb over several bodies in order to reach the ground level and his bare feet were leaving bloody prints on the white floor. Some of the rooms he passed had been set on fire whereas others were riddled with bullet holes. The guys had done a good job. Down in the lobby he heard them cheering and whistling, it had been too long since they had had that much fun and action. He knew that, so he let them enjoy the moment for a while longer, before he decided it was time to leave. When his men caught sight of their boss, they immediately became silent. He didn't seem to notice their anxious glances. He just tilted his head to the side and grinned viciously.  
  
,,Let`s go boys.” He ordered and clapped his hands together.  
That was when he heard the sirens approaching and the roar of a motor that was all too familiar. Batman was on his way. They really had to get out now. Frost noticed the sudden change in his attitude.  
  
,,Go, go ,go! Get in the cars! Right NOW!” He shouted at them. The Joker was the last one to leave the building. Even though he usually didn't mind the confrontations with Gotham`s dark knight, he wasn't ready yet to be locked up in that shitty place again. So he followed them outside, got into Frost`s car and left the scene just seconds before Batman arrived.  
  
Bruce Wayne was hosting a party that night. He hadn't planned on it. But Alfred had been urging him to invest in his image as the rich and spoiled millionaire that he was portraying half of his time, so eventually, he had given in and sent out invitations for a gala. Many of Gotham`s finest people had joined and were now enjoying themselves at the bar or on the dance floor. Bruce hated those events. They were boring. But Alfred was right, he needed to keep up his disguise, or otherwise people would start digging up things that should stay buried. No one could know about his second identity and nightly activities. But half way through the party he noticed that someone was missing. He had invited all the staff members of the Asylum but only Dr. Arkham was present. Joan Leland was nowhere to be found. Bruce usually didn't harbor any interest in other people`s lives but ever since he had put the Joker back into the Asylum, he kept an eye on him by questioning his staff members and psychologists. So he had invited all of them to his party. It was the perfect occasion to squeeze them by using the influence he had as a board member and the richest man in Gotham. However, the Joker`s current doctor had refused his invitation but Joan had agreed to join. But she was missing. First, he had tried calling her but no one picked up and now he was worried. He made his way through the crowd of people to confront Dr. Arkham.  
  
,,Dr. Arkham, do you know of any reason why Joan Leland has not attended the gala yet?”  
  
Arkham glanced at him with admiration and a tiny bit of jealousy. This man had everything anyone could wish for.  
,,No, Joan mentioned she would join us. I don`t know why she isn`t here yet. I can try calling her?”  
  
,,No thanks, I have already tried. She doesn't pick up the phone.”  
  
Arkham was wondering how he had gotten her number but then, why should he care. It wasn't as if he had any chance with her anyways.  
,,Maybe she is still working at the Asylum?” He suggested. Joan was always working.  
  
So Bruce first tried the reception and then the security. No one answered. This was a bad sign. He didn't hesitate any longer and informed Alfred that he would check up on the Asylum, to see if everything was alright.  
  
,,Of course, Master Bruce, it isn`t as if you were a good host to those people anyways” He had sighed. So Bruce changed into his alter ego and went to get the batmobile. Then, he drove off while dialing Gordon`s number.  
  
,,Detective Gordon here,” a voice answered.  
  
,,Gordon, I am on my way to the Asylum. I suggest you get your men and do the same. Something is going on there.”  
  
,,Batman? Is that you?” But Bruce already hung up the phone. He knew Gordon would take his suggestion seriously. He floored the gas pedal.

 

When he arrived at the Asylum, he couldn't believe it. It had been in a rough condition for quite some time now but this time, it looked like one of those buildings that had been destroyed by bombs; bursted window glass everywhere, licking flames on the facade, several holes in the walls and the smell of burned meat. Complete silence. _The silence that follows destruction._ Whoever had done this was already gone. The sight of the Asylum was shocking, but it got worse as soon as he entered through the missing front doors. He noticed the bodies. So many of them. The lobby must have been place of a massacre. And there, among several bullet riddled guards, was Joan. The light had been drained from her eyes and they reflected in a dull milky white manner. She was gone. There was a large, gaping hole on the front of her head. Bruce gritted his teeth. What in the hell had happened here? Or actually, who had happened?  
  
He climbed up the stairs, searching for survivors. On level 2 and 3 he found most of the main population locked up in the recreation room. They had already started hurting themselves and some of them had peed on the floor. It was a complete mess. But Batman had to wait until help arrived. He caught the sound of approaching sirens. So he continued.  
When he wanted to get to level 4 he spotted the pile of bodies at the staircase. Pictures of the Holocaust flashed before his eyes. It was gruesome. But he had to move. He had to see whether the criminally insane were still locked up or if one of them had caused this horrible tragedy. The steps were slippery and he had to pay attention not to loose balance. When he reached the last step, he took a look around.  
  
Level 4 was quiet and considering the bloody mess on the lower floors, it was rather clean.  
He paced down the hallway, checking the cells. Some of the prison cells were open, others still closed. He read the name tags. Killer Croc, Poison Ivy and Zsasz as well as the Riddler were gone. Suddenly, he heard a moaning sound coming from one of the locked cells. He stepped closer and tried to get a look inside, but it was too dark. The tag on the door was blackened.  
  
,,Who`s in there?” Batman demanded to know.  
  
,,Ahhhh... that fucker..” a voice screamed, clearly in pain, ,,He just shot me! Motherfucker of a clown!”  
Batman recognized the voice of Jonathan Crane.  
  
,,Crane," he stated, then added, ,,What do you mean? It was the Joker who did all this?”  
  
Batman couldn't say that he was surprised, after all it was the Joker`s M.O.. Death and destruction followed him everywhere. But this seemed out of proportion, even for him.  
Crane tried to get up, but he failed miserably.  
,,Yeah, smart-ass, that it what I am saying! Now, if you don`t mind, could you the fuck open up this cell and get me to a hospital?”  
  
,,The police will be here any moment now. They will get you what you need.”  
  
Crane sighed I pain but kept quiet. There was no arguing with this man.  
Then Batman continued to the end of the corridor. Yes, the Joker`s cell was open. But it hadn't been shot like all the others, the door mechanism was still intact, with the key in the lock. _Someone must have gotten a hold of the key and freed him. But who would do that?_  he thought, _A corrupted guard maybe? How did they get through the main gate without the guards noticing?_ So many questions. No answers.  
  
Suddenly, Bruce heard Gordon entering the lobby and the disgusted outcries of police officers. This was a nightmare. But he decided to be thorough and checked the last closed door at the end of the corridor. He pushed it open.  
  
The scenery that he encountered was by far the weirdest he had ever seen. A blonde woman was strapped to a medical table, her hair a complete mess, strangely curled, probably by some sort of electricity, her body oozed blood from several deep cuts and bruises and blue spots and swellings were scattered all over her body. _She must have been_ tortured, he thought. Then, he noticed the ECT machine and the two electrodes nearby her head. That poor woman had been electrocuted. He went over to the table and realized that she was still breathing. It was a miracle, he didn't know how anyone could survive this. So he loosened the straps and carried her downstairs. Her head bounced unhealthily up and down while he was carefully avoiding the slippery steps. When he finally made it to the lobby, he reported Gordon everything he had seen. Gordon was devastated, he could see the terror in his eyes. No one could blame him, it was indeed apocalyptic. But Batman didn't waste much time and transported the woman to Gotham General Hospital. He would find that sick bastard of a clown and this time, he would lock him up so deep somewhere that there was no way he could ever get to breath fresh air again!  
  
When Harley finally opened her eyes, it hurt. The light was too bright, causing her to flinch. But when she wanted to raise an arm in order to cover her eyes, she couldn't. Her arms were somehow paralyzed. She desperately tried to remember what happened but each time she concentrated, her head threatened to explode. Everything hurt, every single breath was painful. She had to know. So she tried again to open her eyes and this time it was a little less bright.  
Carefully, without moving her head, she took a look around. There was a row of beds and a table with a glass of water right in front of her. Left and right to her she noticed curtains blocking her vision. _I must be in a hospital,_ she thought. _But why? What happened?_ She released a sigh, it was painful. Suddenly, she noticed the sound of someone getting up and approaching her bed. Should she pretend to be asleep? But before she could decide, someone opened the curtain to her right side and a familiar face appeared. It was Lydia.  
  
,,Oh Harley! I am so glad that you are finally awake! We were so worried!”  
  
_We?_ Harley thought. She had neither the strength nor the motivation to talk to someone, left alone several ones.  
  
But Lydia didn`t seem to care that Harley was in no condition to answer.  
,,We heard that the Asylum got blown up or something and then they mentioned in the TV that you were the only surviving staff member! We just had to know that you were alright! The doctors said that you suffered extensive trauma to your rib-cage and head, that you have maybe even been... electrocuted!” Her eyes widened.  
  
Sure, Lydia was worried, but she was curious too. The problem was, that Harley didn't remember any of it. Her memory just included her session with the Joker, when he had attacked her. Everything beyond that was blurred.  
  
,,Lyd..dia, is he... is he alive?” She tried to ask, but her voice cracked.  
Lydia frowned and observed her with a concerned look in her eyes.

,,Who do you mean?”  
  
But Harley didn't intend to say anything else, she didn't know what had happened or... what she had done. It was probably best to keep quiet.  
Before Lydia could ask anything else, the nurse arrived and sent her away.

,,Dr. Quinzel, how are you holding up? Do you know where you are?”  
  
Harley shot her an angry glance. How should she was holding up? She felt like she had gotten run over by a bus.  
,,Hospital.” She answered the second question.  
,,Why can`t I move.. my arms?” she added, slightly panicking.  
  
The nurse suddenly moved around her bed and loosened the cuffs. She wasn't paralyzed! Harley was immensely relieved by that discovery. But something else bothered her. Why had she been restrained to her bed?  
  
,,It was a measure for your own safety. You have been screaming and moving around, hitting medical staff. We couldn't treat you like that. So we had to restrain you. We assume your behavior resulted from your brain trying to process the trauma you suffered.” she sighed.  
,,Can you tell me what you remember?”  
  
But Harley just shut her eyes and turned her head away. _Ouch_ , it hurt. She was tired and in pain and most of all, she was confused.. The nurse stepped away from her bed. ,,I`ll come back another time then,” she said. And then, she left Harley alone. Harley`s brain was disorganized like a puzzle. She had to get the pieces together. She just had to know what happened, had to know why she was in here and most of all, what she had been doing al this time between that session and now.

 

Time passed and soon it was evening. Gordon was worried. The thought that someone had released the Joker intentionally was disturbing. Who would do something like that? He looked at the key that Batman had discovered the other night. Maybe they could get prints off it. Gordon had been working all night and all day, interviewing patients of the general population. But it had gotten him nowhere. Some hadn't said a single word while others claimed that they had seen the devil or a demon, and some were talking about white bunnies and pancakes. It was hopeless. The only helpful thing he could think of was that key. There was something interesting about that key. Because, as Dr. Arkham had stated earlier in an interview, his head of security had announced it stolen. So someone must have planned on releasing the Joker and it had to be someone belonging to the staff. Maybe a guard? But every guard they had found in the Asylum was dead. Maybe the Joker had shot him too. He wasn't one to show appreciation.  
The ring of his phone brought him bak from his thoughts.  
His secretary called.  
  
,,Elsa, what is it?” He asked.  
His sincere voice couldn't hide how tired he was. Gordon rubbed his forehead.  
  
,,James, it is the head of the security from the Asylum. He wants to talk to you. It`s about that key..”  
  
All of a sudden, he was awake. This was interesting, maybe this man knew something more than Arkham had lead on. Because truth was, that the police had nothing. The security footage had been destroyed by fire and gunshots. They were investigating cold tracks.  
  
,,Yes, please, bring him right to me!” He demanded, hanging up the phone.  
  
And then, Mr. Cash entered the small office of detective Gordon.

 

Harley had woken up the second time. She felt a tiny bit better, mostly, because the morphine had been upped and the lights had been dimmed. She tried to sit up. It was extremely painful but she didn`t give up. When she finally reached an upright position she opened both curtains and checked her surroundings. She was at intensive care, but apparently out of the woods, as there was no one to supervise her and check her vitals.  
,,Harleen, what did you think would happen, mhmm?”  
Harley jumped at sound of that strange voice and looked around. But there was no one there. Then, she realized, it was coming from inside her head.  
_I tried to warn you, but you chose an insane maniac over yourself,_ the voice continued. Harley believed she was going crazy and tried to ignore that creepy conscious or person talking to her. But it didn't help. _I am you! You can`t shut me out!_ The voice screamed. It had to be the result of the electrocution. Maybe it had dissociated her person, split it in half? But she remembered that she had experienced this before. This wasn't the first time she was talking to herself as two different personalities.  
_You think it is horrible not to know what happened. Well, it is just the opposite,_ the voice told her _._ Harley got angry, was this inner voice the reason she couldn't remember a thing?  
_Show me! I want to know what happened, I need to know!_ She silently demanded.  
_Maybe it is for the best. Then you see what your Mr. J is really like,_ the voice answered.  
And then, a wave of memories flooded her brain. Weird memories, of her, walking into the Joker`s club, of her and Frost getting machine guns from the Penguin. Gruesome memories, of Frost`s men gunning down Joan, riddling the guards. _Oh my God, all that blood!_  
Painful memories, of Zsasz hitting her, smashing her against the concrete walls, strapping her to the medical table. And finally, Mr.J. entering the room and frying her brain and body with electricity.  
  
Tears ran down her cheeks. Those memories hurt even more than all those bruises and cuts together. But she didn't grieve for Joan, she didn't mourn the guards, all she could think about were Mr.J`s dark and cold eyes as he switched on the ECT machine. Why did he do that to her?He had said he would hurt her, not that he would kill her. But he could have killed her easily with this electro convulsive ,,therapy”. There was no way he could have known that she would survive. And he didn't even stay. He just left. An iron fist tightened around her heart, squeezing it. The voice kept quiet. Harley buried her head in the pillow and started sobbing. All these emotions had gotten too much for her to bear. Sadness, pain, denial, anger, it all boiled underneath her skin. Finally she was so tired that she drifted off into uneasy sleep.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to make this a long chapter, but I think it fits better into two. That`s why this chapter is rather short.  
> The next one will be slightly less depressing and with more action.  
> Thank you for all your kind comments and remarks! I am really happy that you guys like it!


	12. Whatever It Takes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, here`s the second part. I believe it is one of the most revealing chapters. Enjoy!

**CHAPTER 12:**  Whatever it takes!

\-------------------------------------------------

She said if we're gonna make this work  
You gotta let me inside even though it hurts  
Don't hide the broken parts that I need to see  
She said like it or not it's the way it's gotta be

Lifehouse - Whatever It Takes

 

Two weeks had passed since Harley had been admitted to Gotham General Hospital by Batman. She had had many visitors: apart from her mother, Lydia and Guy, who wanted to know what happened, there had been several journalists trying to get an interview. But she had refused to talk to anyone. She had decided that it was best to pretend that she didn't remember anything. Even though most of her wounds had healed or improved in the meantime, the cuts and bruises on her heart hadn't. She felt empty and numb and whenever it got dark outside and she was alone on the hospital wing, she cried herself to sleep. She just couldn't bring herself not to care.  
  
In just a few months, her life had taken a turn and thrown everything upside down, leaving her with nothing but heartache. She had found a purpose, someone, to be exact. He had opened her eyes and made her see. And she had been listening and watching him but now that he had left, she felt as if her legs weren't strong enough to stand alone yet. She needed him. And it pained her more than anything that he didn't need her at all. That he didn't care. Day after day she had been watching television and heard about the Joker`s escape. She had been waiting for someone to discover that she had been involved, but no one seemed to know about her part in it. Yet. In those two weeks, Batman had managed to catch Killer Croc, Zsaz and the Riddler. But since the Asylum was a total mess, they had been taken away to Belle Reve , a detention center for meta-humans far from Gotham. The Joker and Poison Ivy were still on the loose.  
  
At first, Harley had hoped that he would come for her. That we would at least send her a message or a note. But when the days flew by and nothing came, she had given up on that hope too. She hated that she was so weak, she hated that she cared so much. She hated herself more than him. She had tried to justify his actions, told herself that she had been poking into his brain, trying to get him to change, so he wanted to return the favor. But the voice kept telling her that this was nothing that could ever be justified. Harley was so obsessed with that man, that she didn't listen. She didn't want to believe that he just did it for fun. He had to have a motive.  
  
In the hospital, every day was more or less the same. Usually, the days were boring in here. Apart from the visitors, Harley was all to herself. Alone with her thoughts. But something had changed though. Ever since she had been able to remember the break-in, it felt as if there was still one little part of the puzzle missing. And whenever she tried to put it back, there was a blockage in her thoughts and her inner Harleen told her to keep away from it. It was like an itch she couldn't scratch, no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't get past that blockage.  
  
Today though was a special day, because the GCPD had announced that they would like to talk to her. Even though her doctors had told them that she didn't remember any of the events, they had insisted on questioning her. So now she was more or less dressed and sitting at a small table in the private cafeteria. She had expected several officers but it was just one detective.  
Detective Gordon sat opposite to her and observed her. He looked concerned and tired.

,,Dr. Quinzel, I am so sorry to bother you but we really need to find out what happened. The doctors told us that you don`t remember anything, but I hope you can still give us some clues or information about your whereabouts that night.”

  
James Gordon was a good man and an excellent detective. But the past few weeks had completely drained him. The GCPD had no leads and the public outcry for justice was getting out of control. The Joker had vanished from the face of the earth, keeping a low profile and making it impossible for Gordon and his men to find him. And the only information he had gotten from Mr.Cash was, that the one victim they had found at the scene, was the one who stole the key. Gordon didn't believe the man at first. Why should a renown psychologist steal the key to the Joker`s cell and help him escape? And the trauma and torture she had suffered... No it could not have been her. But after the second week of no results, he had decided he would follow that lead, even if it was complete nonsense. So now he was sitting across the table from the blonde skinny woman and it just felt wrong to question her. He could see that she was not just in physical but also in mental pain. And he secretly wondered whether she actually couldn't remember or if she simply didn't want to. If so, then no one could blame her.  
  
Harley had been thinking about what to say. At first she wanted to keep her memories to herself. But the fact, that the police had insisted on questioning her could mean that they were on to her. And she had to intervene. So she decided to tell him the half-truth.  
  
,,Detective Gordon, I do remember most of what happened, but with the journalists and the public interest in me I couldn't bring myself to open up. It was just... too painful.”  
Her face transformed into a grimace of agony.  
Gordon took pity on her and lowered his eyes.  
Then, Harley continued, ,,That night, I was at the Asylum to meet Joan Leland. We have been invited to Mr. Wayne`s gala and after I told her that I wouldn't be joining, she had insisted on taking me with her.”

Gordon nodded but raised an eyebrow.  
,,We did not find your car at the scene Dr. Quinzel. How did you get there?”

Harley paled. She hadn't thought about that.  
,,I took the bus that day and walked the rest. Because we decided it was better to go with one car instead of two. It is hard to find parking spots in the center of the city.”  
Her hands treacherously trembled.

Gordon eyed her suspiciously but then he wrote down what she had said.

,,Do you remember what time it was that you took the bus? Just so that we can confirm.”  
,,No, I am sorry, I don`t know.”  
This wasn't going well. He seemed to see right through her.  
  
,,Alright. And then, what happened?”

When I entered the building everything was normal. Joan was in the lobby talking to a guard. I walked over to greet her and then ...”  
Harley stopped. Closing her eyes, reliving that terrible moment.  
,,...and then she just dropped to the floor. They must have come through the main door. I have no idea how they got past the gate security mechanism though. But as soon as they started shooting I took the stairs to the upper levels. It was the only way to flee the massacre.”  
She paused for a moment, nipping on her cup of coffee.  
,,But when I got to level three, they were already closing in. So I went up to level four.”  
  
Gordon looked confused.  
,,You were the first one to arrive at level four?”  
,,Yes, I guess,” she answered, not knowing where he was going with that.  
,,That is interesting. Because we discovered that the Joker`s cell had been opened with a key. So someone must have released him. If you were the first one there, then it must have happened while you were on level four. Did you see someone? Observe anything like that?”

Harley swallowed hard. She had to be careful now. If she said too much it would look suspicious.  
,,I was the first one to arrive there. But they reached the 4th floor just seconds after me. I hid in the treatment room and didn't see anything. I heard them shooting and I just hoped they wouldn't discover me. But then Victor Zsasz opened the door and found me. He hit me, strapped me to the table... He almost killed me.” Harley flinched at the memory of that man.

Gordon let her catch a breath. This must have been a terrible experience.  
,,Was he the one who tortured you? Did he electrocute you? Did you see the Joker?”  
  
Harley`s eyes suddenly became dull. This was the hardest part. Some side of her wanted to tell Gordon that it was the Joker who tortured her, whereas another side of her desperately tried to defend him.  
And then, it happened. The blockage suddenly slid away and she could see what she had been missing all along. The memory of the treatment room flared up. She was laying there, strapped to the medical table and the Joker was approaching her, shoving the lamp directly over her face. Taunting her. She remembered her last thoughts, her last words, the leather strap between her teeth and then, the white light. But this time, her memories didn't end there. This time, she remembered more. She felt his finger on her throat, checking for a pulse, the touch of his hands as he tucked back her loosened strand of hair, the warm, smiling face she caught through her flickering eyelids. This must have been why the inner voice didn't want her to see. Because this was proof that he did care.  
Her attitude changed in a split-second. She sat upright with a determined look on her face.  
Gordon noticed it too. Something was different about her, as if she had exchanged the person with another one. He knew that this wasn't possible but it was somehow disturbing.

Harley tried to keep up the pretense. She forced out a few tears and then continued to talk.  
,,Yes, I did see the Joker,” she stated, ,,He was the one electrocuting me.”  
  
She had intended to make it sound sad and shocked but she sounded rather proud. Because now she didn't have to hide that fact behind false justification, now she knew he cared and maybe, this was a test, maybe he wanted to make her see. It didn't matter why he did it, the only thing that mattered was, that she endured it, and she would endure it again, for him.  
  
Gordon was taken aback. Harleen didn't seem like a victim anymore. Her previously insecure body language had changed into one of complete confidence. For a moment he thought he had seen pride in her eyes, but that couldn't be, right? Even though his gut had told him initially that she was innocent, it told him now that she was guilty. He wasn't one to ignore his instincts.  
,,Alright Doctor..” he started, but Harley interrupted him.  
,,Call me Harley.” She said and offered him a wide smile.  
Cold shivers ran down his spine. She had the attitude of a crazy person. And a crazy person had the ability to seem honest while being dishonest, to seem normal while being abnormal and to seem gentle and kind when they were in fact planning someone`s death.  
,,So, Harley then,” he corrected himself , ,,Would you mind if I took your fingerprints? It is just to exclude you from our list of suspects. Protocol, I`m afraid.”

Harley stood up on shaky legs but she oozed so much strength and confidence that the poor condition of her physical appearance seemed to be minor.  
,,Of course, detective,” she warbled , ,,As soon as you have your warrant I`ll be happy to comply.” Then she left the room without saying goodbye. She had to invest her limited amount of energy in something completely different. She had to find Mr.J..  
  
When Gordon left the Gotham General Hospital he felt strangely anxious. He wasn't a man who scared easily. Not by villains nor by violence. What made him anxious was the fact that maybe he wasn't as good a judge of human nature as he had thought. Harleen Quinzel had lied to her doctors, what should keep her from lying to him? Had she told the truth about what had happened? Sure, her story fitted quite well with the scene they had assessed and the chronology of events, but it didn't have to be true. And why should she refuse to give fingerprints if she was indeed innocent, as she had implied earlier?  
He would have to get this warrant and he needed to talk to Batman.  
As soon as the sky was dark enough, he turned on the Bat Signal Projector and the bat appeared as a black shadow against the clouds. He didn't have to wait long. Soon after, he heard the sound of flapping wings and approaching footsteps.  
,,Gordon,” a deep voice stated.  
Gordon turned around. He just didn't get used to his sudden appearances and disappearances.

,,Batman, I am glad you showed up. I talked to Dr. Quinzel today. She might have been involved in Joker`s escape.”  
  
Batman didn't move, nor say anything, he waited for Gordon to explain himself.  
,,She admitted that she does remember what happened, but there are certain gaps in her story.”  
  
,,They are natural after such an extensive trauma,” Batman replied matter-of-factly.

But Gordon didn't back down. He knew something was off about her, he just couldn't point his finger on it.  
  
,,She refused to give fingerprints and demanded a warrant. Also, she does remember everything except when she took the bus and...” he stopped. He knew it was nothing more than a hunch, but it was there, nagging at him.  
,,..and she seemed weirdly confident. She switched between the role of the victim and the one of a proud warrior. I can`t explain it. It just seems as if there is more to the story than she is willing to tell us.”  
  
Batman furrowed his brows behind his mask. Those were quite harsh accusations, considering that she had been found at the verge of death, but Gordon was usually right with his hunches.  
  
,,Aright, I will keep my eyes and ears open, ask around if anyone knows something. You get your warrant. But keep in mind that even if she has been involved, it doesn't mean that it was willingly. You know as well as I do that the Joker knows how to pressure people. We need to be careful here.”  
And then, with another flap of his large black wings, he took off.  
Gordon waited for a few minutes on the roof top and then he turned off the light signal. Batman was right, maybe he was overreacting and grasping at straws.

Harley had been staring at the ceiling that was covered with pipes and tubes eventually disappearing somewhere into the walls. But her thoughts were concentrated on one thing and one thing only. The Joker. She had to find him and show him that she was strong enough to be with him. That she was indeed capable of living a life like his. That she wasn't that easy to break and that she loved him, despite anything he had ever done or could ever do to her. _I love him_. It was the first time she truly realized it. It wasn't just a romantic feeling, not just butterflies and that silly, rosy fuzz. It was the desperate need to be with him, at any cost.  
She wasn't just going to back off and let him live his life. Not after he had shown her what her life could be like, not after he had opened her eyes to his kind of world, not after she had stood her ground with his gang and the Penguin, not after she had broken into her workplace, willing to sacrifice other people`s lives, just for him. She would find him and she would prove to him that she was worth it. She was more determined than ever with love and anger equally fueling her body. She would get out of here, soon. And then, she would confront Mr.J.  
  
The Joker had been busy those two weeks. Not in a kind that Gotham`s citizens would have noticed, no. He had been busy with internal affairs. He had been negotiating a deal with the Penguin and finally acquired a delivery of weapons. Then he had taken back what belonged to him and eradicated everyone who didn't move out of his way in time. The criminal population of Gotham knew that the clown was back. And this meant that no one was safe. But the Joker didn't just gain back his territory, he also had to weed out disloyal men from his gang. Frost had told him about certain members planning a riot and the Joker made them dig their own graves before he shot each of them in the head. Now, for the first time in two weeks, he would have some fun. He decided he would visit his club and stir up some action. It was about time he took his lambo out for a drive. Life had been so boring lately, he really needed some distraction.  
He called Frost and told him to get his car from the garage.  
Frost was glad that his boss finally started to act normal again. He had been extremely vicious and driven in the past few weeks, killing off some of his own men and stocking up on weapons. In general, those fourteen days had been weird.  
Frost had kept track of the news. Their little stunt at the Asylum had caused a public outrage. Killer Croc had been feeding off Gotham`s population and Zsasz had been slicing up young women. Until Batman had finally interfered and caught them, along with the Riddler. But something else had peaked his interest, or rather, his concern. It was Harley. When he had realized that Harley was in fact alive, he didn't know whether he should be relieved or not. That little blonde woman, there was something special about her, and in the short time he had dealt with her, he had come to like her. However, considering what had happened that night at the Asylum, she probably wasn't the same person anymore. But what bothered him most was, that apparently his boss didn't seem to be surprised. And even more surprisingly, he hadn't told him to go and kill her for good. This was definitely out of character for him and Frost wondered if that blonde girl maybe meant more to this maniac than he wanted others to know or whether he just didn't care about it enough to order him to kill her. But something told him he would see Harley again. He just hoped it wouldn't end similar to their last encounter.  
  
It dawned outside and the sun began to set much earlier than usual, as it was hidden by ashy clouds before it reached the horizon. Harley had waited the whole afternoon. She knew that Gordon didn't believe her and she was well aware that if he got her fingerprints, she would end up being caught. Because, and that she knew for certain, her prints were all over the 4 th floor and on a specific key, that she shouldn't have touched. And besides, she couldn't wait any longer in this depressing clinic, spending her days in bed and eating that disgusting hospital food. So when the staff changed towards the night shift, she used the opportunity to get her clothes and disappear from her wing. It wasn't even that hard to sneak out. No one recognized her in her blue jeans, her high heels and the neat blue blouse. She let her hair fall down to her shoulders and put her glasses back on. She fitted in like anyone else. And just like that, she left the hospital through the front door, before anyone could notice that she was gone.

When she stepped outside she took a moment to enjoy the fresh breeze of air.  
She hadn't realized how sticky it was in that hospital. Then, she assessed her situation.  
She was without her belongings; no car keys, no apartment keys, no money, nothing. So how the hell should she find Mr.J without even a phone? But she wasn't stupid, she just had to abandon her concerns over property. There were more than enough possibilities how she could get away from here. All she needed to do was to look for a car or a motorcycle with the keys in the ignition. People were stupid like that and somewhere in Gotham, she was sure, she would find that one opportunity. At least something she could count on was the stupidity of Gotham`s citizens. She walked down the street, checking each vehicle for a key. But most of the cars were locked and empty. But then, finally, she spotted that one strike of luck that she had been hoping for. Right there, abandoned and with the keys in the ignition, was a large Harley Davidson Fatboy, waiting to be taken for a ride. She didn't hesitate for a second, got on the motorcycle and drove off. She knew where she would look for him first. He had to be at his club.  
The harsh headwind and the cold air against her body made her shiver but she didn't care. She was speeding at full throttle, dangerously circling around cars and looking out for that familiar face. He might as well be somewhere completely different, but she had that feeling that he was close. She had no idea what she would do if she actually spotted him. But that didn't matter right now, she would just act spontaneously, without a plan. The drivers she passed by shot her angry glares, signaling her to slow down. But she didn't even look at them. They didn't matter.  
  
And then, she saw it; a purple Lamborghini racing along the street. She knew it had to be him, no one else would drive a car like that. Harley set her eyes on the fancy sports-car and chased it down the city streets. She crossed a red-light and almost collided with a transporter but finally, she reached the same position as his purple lambo. When she caught a glimpse inside, she first noticed his green hair. He didn't look at her, his eyes were fixed on the street in front of him. Harley wasn't sure whether he hadn't realized that it was her on the motorcycle or if he just ignored her. But he would have to look at her eventually. So she closed in and waved her fist against his side window. Then, he finally looked up.  
At first, he seemed surprised but then he rolled his eyes at her and covered his face with one hand. Was he... annoyed? Harley couldn't believe that the only reaction she got was him being annoyed. It angered her. It made her blood boil. Oh, she deserved more than that! Her logical thinking shut down. Abandoning all reason, she raced in front of his car, turned the motorcycle around, pulled the brakes and leaned to the side until it skidded. Sparks ignited from the slithering motorcycle and she hopped off, facing his car head-on.  
Their eyes locked and for a brief moment, she was sure he would run her over. But then, just seconds before the unavoidable collision his car came to a halt.  
He didn't show the slightest inclination of getting out of his car. So she hit her fists on the bonnet of his Lamborghini. She was so angry that her eyes teared up.

,,GET OUT!” She screamed. Her tone was desperate but her anger was real.  
  
The Joker hadn`t expected her to chase after him. Sure, he knew she was obsessed with him but after their last electrifying break up, he had thought it would take her much longer to recover. Apparently he had underestimated her, again. But he was on the way to his club, he wanted to let some steam of and had no intention to confront his desperate number one fan girl. But when she skidded her motorcycle, daring him to run her over, he had to acknowledge that he couldn't ignore her. For a short moment, he had thought about hitting her. But then he decided against it. Now she was standing in front of his lambo, throwing her fists against the hood, ordering him to get out. She was causing a scene.  
Against better judgement, maybe just to see how it would turn out, he slowly opened the wing-door and got out of his car. The people behind already started to complain by honking their car horns.  
He swiftly moved around the car.  
  
Harley observed how he took his time to finally get out of his car. She stepped closer, threw away her glasses and started to shout.  
,,Why are you acting like that? Haven`t I proven myself to you already? Haven`t I passed your tests and your little power play?” She hissed at him. She could barely restrain herself. She didn't care about the angry shouts of people demanding that they got out of the way.  
  
,,What else do I have to do to prove you that I love you?” She asked.  
  
And then he started to laugh. It was condescending and taunting.  
  
She had laid her emotions bare and he was kicking it with his feet.  
He looked her in the eyes and stopped laughing. He was being serious.  
,,I am not a man that is loved!” He scoffed, ,,I am an idea, a state of mind. Love... is weakness!”  
  
Harley couldn't agree less. Her love for him had made her strong. But his words hit a weak spot and it felt as if something shattered inside her.  
  
He slowly started to circle her, continuing to drive knives through her heart with his words.  
,,I execute my will according to my plan, and you... Doctor...are not part of my plan!”  
  
,,But I can be! You just have to let me in!” She insisted, her eyes watery but her voice firm.  
  
She knew he was uncomfortable and she knew that if he didn't care about her, he wouldn't have checked for her pulse, he wouldn't have stopped his car and he wouldn't try to convince her that he didn't care about her. He was being cruel, but she knew there was more to it. She wouldn't just give up and leave!  
But before she could say another word the driver behind the Joker`s car got out and cursed angrily as he approached them.  
No, she wouldn't let anyone or anything disturb their conversation. This was her life, it was now or never and no one, NO ONE, would get in between!  
So when the Joker turned his head to see who dared interrupting them, she snitched one on his guns from the holster.  
He noticed it, instantly turned around and eyed her with curiosity.  
She pointed the gun at the civilian.  
,,Oh I wouldn't do...,,” he started but he couldn't finish his sentence, she had already pulled the trigger and the driver dropped to the floor. She hadn't even taken her eyes off the Joker, she hadn't even flinched at the sound of the exploding gun. She didn't even look at the man who was bleeding out on the street. She didn't care.  
The Joker was surprised but he was also amused.  
Then, she pointed the gun to his forehead. She felt powerful.

,,Do it!” He dared her.  
,,Do it, do it, do it!”  
  
But Harley couldn't. And he used that brief moment of realization in her eyes to snitch the gun out of her hands. Then, he slapped her face. She had not been prepared at all for this sudden move of his and lost balance. She crashed onto the asphalt and hit her head.  
He laughed at her, clearly taking joy in her embarrassment.

,,Go home Doc.” he taunted her.  
  
But she got up again, looked him straight in the eyes and replied with a firm ,,NO!”  
He chuckled. She definitely had stamina. If she wouldn't leave, he would have to get rid of her in a different way.  
  
,,So,” he started, ,,you want to be with me, eh?”  
  
Harley narrowed her eyes, then she nodded.  
,,Yes! Whatever it takes!”  
  
He mockingly widened his eyes in false surprise.  
,,Well, if you want to be with me you have to become like me. Are you prepared for that?”  
He smiled at her callously.  
But she didn't back down. She would do whatever it took, she meant it.  
,,I am!”  
  
Suddenly he moved back to the wing-door of his sports-car and for a moment Harley feared Mr.J. would just drive off without her. But then he turned towards her, causally leaning against the vehicle.  
,,So, what are you waiting for!” he hissed, ,,Get in!”

 


	13. Would You Live For Me?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter had to stand alone.  
> No need for other words, just read and enjoy.

**CHAPTER 13:** Would You Live For Me?  
  
\--------------------------------------  
  
I know I'm selfish, I'm unkind  
Sucker love I always find  
Someone to bruise and leave behind

Placebo – Every You Every Me

 

When Harley had gotten in his car, the Joker had floored the gas pedal and taken the main street out of the City. Even though he knew exactly where he was taking her, he had doubts. She had gotten him to completely abandon any plans he had for the night. She had messed with his head. He should have been able to run her over. He shouldn't even have to to think about it. Then why wasn't he able to kill her? It made him angry, it annoyed him. Giving a damn about something was weakness, it caused people to be predictable. And when she had been standing there in front of his car, she had expected him to stop. Yes, he most definitely should have run her over. A silent growl escaped his gritted teeth. More than once he had thought about throwing her out of the driving car, but somehow it didn't feel that wrong to have her sitting next to him. He didn't look at her when they were speeding along the streets. _She is a liability_ , he thought. _She is digging holes where my explosives are buried_. She made him confront something he didn't want to think about. She had claimed that she loved him. But that was pathetic! Love was just an illusion, a term, something people invented to make the world look better. There was no love, just hormones and chemical reactions in the brain. _It is all just chemicals._ He ultimately had to smile at that wordplay.  
  
Harley had been quiet during the whole drive. It was weird to sit next to him. Their chemistry was completely different from the one they had in the Asylum. She knew he had played her, but she had known it from the start. He might have thought that she was the only one who had gotten tangled up in his spider web, but he was struggling too. And now, they were sitting next to each other, so close that she could reach out and touch him. If the circumstances had been any different, one could have thought they were out on a date in his flashy car. But they weren't. Or at least not for a conventional one. She knew that this time, it was no game. Not even to him. Harley was well aware that this evening could be her last one. But she had said, whatever it took, right? She had gambled high but she had gotten his attention. From time to time, when she looked at him she had seen anger flashing over his face. He was scary like that, dangerous. But something told her he wasn't just angry about her. He wasn't one to be in touch with his feelings and telling him that she loved him was probably like lightening a tinderbox. She knew from her work as a psychologist, that people who had the most to hide were those trying to conceal their emotions with cruelty and anger. But the longer they drove, the calmer he had become. Now, his face was serious but she could still see the shadows of emotions reflecting in his steel blue eyes. She remembered that the last time she had focused like that on his eyes, they had been empty. This time, they weren't. He was twisted, she could tell. She knew he hadn't intended to take her with him. So this stunt of hers must have changed something. Whether it was good or bad she couldn't tell. Where was he taking her? What did he mean, when he had said, that she had to become like him? But there was no use in guessing. She would find out soon enough.

 

Suddenly, he stopped the car.  
,,We`re here,” he stated. His face had become indifferent. And or a brief moment, he didn't move at all, he was just absentmindedly staring at something invisible, hidden in the dark. Then,without another word, he energetically pushed the door open and swiftly moved outside. Harley hadn't even realized where he had taken her, she had been completely lost in her thoughts and didn't pay attention to the road. But she didn't intend to waste additional time and make him angry by asking something she was about to find out anyways. So she got out of the car. Her body was slightly trembling in the cold air. It was already dark outside but she noticed the grey smoke against the sky eventually blending into the clouds. Where did he bring her? She looked around herself and tried to make out something in the dark. But she couldn't see anything.  
Suddenly, he moved back towards the car and turned on the headlights. Her eyes widened in surprise when she recognized the location. They were both standing right in front of a huge chemical waste plant. _ACE Chemicals._  
  
The Joker noticed the astonished expression on her face. But she didn't seem scared or anxious, there was no hesitation in her body language. She trusted him, he could see that. He had known it, ever since she had thrown herself in front of his car. But right now, she was confused. Clearly, she had no idea why he had taken her here but he would tell her, eventually.  
She was about to meet his birthplace. He had never told nor showed anyone else this part of his past. No one knew about his transformation. It had always been something dark and personal to him. His very own ground zero. Something he didn't intend to share with anyone. Because no one could even begin to understand the meaning it had to him. It was not possible to describe it. But he felt that it was a fitting end to Harley, to die at the exact same location he had been born all those years ago.  
He moved in closer and noticed her trembling body. He reached out to her and traced his fingers down her arm. She shivered.  
,,Are you ready?” he purred, eyes fixed on her.  
And Harley nodded.  


He let go of her and walked towards the main entry. Harley had no idea how they would get inside, but before she could ask, he fired against the heavy doors. Then he kicked against the mechanism and busted the front door open.  
It was weird to follow him inside this deserted concrete hall. Everything was silent except for those ceaselessly working machines somewhere in the dark. But apparently, this was not yet their final location. Mr. J. continued to walk down the hall and she had to hurry in order to keep up with him. The sound of her heels echoed back from the cold walls and she got goosebumps. It all seemed like one of those stories that ended with someone getting killed. Entering an abandoned building at night with no homes around. But this wasn't a story, it was her reality. And she knew he didn't just bring her along to shoot her in the head. He must have had a reason. _He must know this building_ , she realized. Even though she had promised herself not to ask, she was too curious.  
,,Where are we going?” she whispered.  
But he didn't answer, he didn't look back, he just continued walking. And then, suddenly he stopped short in front of a huge iron door. When Harley reached him he pushed it open and an ugly smell washed over her that almost made her vomit. She hadn't been prepared for it. IT burned in her nose and her eyes teared up. But luckily it was so gross that her nose closed shortly after. She had to breath through her mouth.  
  
They were standing at the entry of another huge hall but this time it wasn't empty. There was a metal construction towering about 9-10m above a dozen of large rusty vats filled with bubbling acid. She had never seen the inside of a chemical waste plant before. It was an otherworldly sight... But why on earth did he bring her here?  
He turned towards her, eyes glowing.  
,,Follow me,” he ordered. And then, he started to climb the ladder leading up to an overpass. At first she hesitated. She wasn't really scared of heights but everything above first floor level made her uneasy. _No going back, Harley,_ she told herself. And then she started climbing too until she reached the overpass. Her head was slightly dizzy but when she spotted him it instantly cleared.  
He was already waiting, eyes focused on the vats. Harley followed his glance and looked down on the bubbling liquid.  
  
This was the moment he had been waiting for. She needed to know. Suddenly he looked up and his eyes met hers.  
,,Well, Doc, in our sessions you asked me where I come from, where I was born, how I came to be ,,The Joker”? This is the answer.” He stretched out his arms and turned around himself. Then he reestablished eye-contact.  
,,I was born down here, a few years back, at this exact same place.”  
He lowered his voice and moved closer.  
,,One bad day is enough to change a life forever. You see, madness is like gravity, all it takes is a little push.”  
  
He observed her, captured her reaction to his words when she finally realized what he wanted from her. He noticed the disbelief, the insecurity in her eyes. Her beautiful lips parted and her large blue eyes widened. This was probably not what she had expected when he had said she had to become like him, but she had asked for it. She had pushed him too far and caused him to retaliate. She was about to experience what happened to someone who got too close to him. It wasn't just a punishment, it was a compliment really. By taking her here he had acknowledged that she was special. Which was way more than he had ever granted anyone else.  
He wondered though whether she would really follow through, whether she would surrender completely or if her desire to live was stronger than her desire to be with him.  
It was one final test. One final push to send her over the edge of crazy. But no matter how she decided, Harleen would not ever leave this building alive.  


Harley stood right in front of him, completely consumed by his presence. She was still processing what he had just told her moments ago. He had revealed something about himself, about his past, that he hadn't told anyone else before. He had finally let her in. Not completely, he hadn't handed her the keys to his secret vault, but he had allowed her to get a foot in the door. Even though she appreciated his declaration, Harley also knew that he wouldn't open up just like that. Not without getting anything in return. Tit for tat. And a revelation like this would most certainly cost her her life, her sanity, or both.  
And then, his glance met hers and she knew, they had arrived at the point of no return.  
  
Slowly, almost casually, he stepped even closer to her so that they were only inches apart. He noticed how her breath became heavier and her pupils dilated. He felt the urge to touch her but he restrained himself.  
  
,,Questionnnn...,” he initiated. Slightly leaning in on her. He pierced into her eyes, thereby supporting the gravity of what he was about to ask.  
,,Would you die for me?” His voice was indifferent, serious.  
  
Harley never broke eye-contact. She could see that he meant it. Would she die for him? Would she give her life for him? Would she abandon everything she was, for him? Her eyes observed the expression on his face, tracked his tattoos and scars on the pale white skin. But she didn't see a mad man, nor a criminal. She just felt a strange feeling of warmth and purpose. Yes, of course she would die for him.

,,Yes”, she answered. Admiring him with her blue innocent eyes.

But Mr. J. did not seem pleased with neither the question nor the answer to it. He jolted his head back. Slowly moving it side to side.

,,No...That`s too easy,” he snarled.

Then, he concentrated his eyes on her face again, making a grand gesture with his arms.

,,Would you...,” he asked her, suddenly pausing.  
He seemed to be thinking about what to say next. _What could he possibly ask more of me than my life?_ She wondered.  
He reestablished eye-contact while coquettishly tilting his head.

,,Would you... **live** for me?” he finished his question and their eyes locked once again.  


Harley was baffled. Dying for someone meant giving up one`s own existence for good in one final act. It wasn't lasting, it was a brief moment. Something anyone could be pushed to. But living for someone meant that one`s whole existence, the single purpose of life and everything that came with it was devoted to one person and one person only. Living for someone demanded so much more.

,,Hmmm..?” he reinforced, waiting for her answer.

  
Harley didn't have to think any longer. She had long made up her mind. Yes, she would live for him. Only for him.

,,Yes,” she whispered.

He frowned and wagged his finger at her.

,,Careful! Do not say this oath **thoughtlessly**!” he warned.  
The Joker had been surprised by her clear answer. He knew that she was aware what he had asked of her. But he needed to make sure that she understood the gravity of it all. A promise was only worth something if she knew what she had agreed to. He stepped in closer, covering her mouth with his tattooed hand.  
Then he started to chant with his mesmerizing voice ,,Desire becomes surrender, surrender becomes... **power!”** He gently removed his hand and sank his eyes into hers.

,,Do you want this?” he purred, his thumb carefully tracing her lips. They were so soft. So perfect.

,,I do,” she replied. She didn't even have to think about the answer anymore.

,,Say it,” the Joker demanded. He needed to hear her say the word, begging for it.  
,, ...say it... say it! Pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty...”

,,Please,” she completed his sentence.

He caressed her face, taking in her delicate features.  
,,God, you`re so... good!”

His tenderness sent shivers down her spine.  
Then, suddenly, he stepped away. The moment of truth had arrived. Now it was her turn to fulfill her promise.  
The Joker raised his arms, smiling at her, asking her to drop.

  
Harley turned around with her back towards the yellow acid that was bubbling almost two floors beneath her. She focused back on his face, her eyes meeting his incredibly intense gaze and she knew, she would do anything for him. Her whole life, it was an endless odyssey for purpose, acknowledgment and affection. But she hadn't found it, because she was trying to be someone else the whole time. She realized, it was impossible to find happiness and love when she was denying the desires of her true self. Until she had met him. He was her sole purpose, the only reason to live. And then, she surrendered.

She kept eye contact, spread her arms, exhaled one last time and let herself fall backwards into the vat.

 _Goodbye, Harleen,_ she thought, _May you rest in peace._  
  
Harley didn't feel the impact when she hit the surface of the bubbling chemicals. Her eyes were closed. When the gooey liquid pulled her down, her lungs started to ache for air. But she didn't even try to fight her way back to the surface, she just gave in. Harley wasn't afraid of death. She wasn't afraid of anything anymore. She had accepted her fate when she took that leap. There were worse things than to die for someone you love.

 

The Joker watched as she fell. He had anticipated this moment. But he didn't think that she would actually follow through and let herself fall. He observed when her body submerged into the liquid and felt the rush of power and control. He could still feel her soft lips under the touch of his thumb. Her beautiful eyes glancing at him with devotion. The sheer fact that she had dropped backwards into that acid for him was more pleasing than anything he had ever experienced before. This had been the perfect ending for his doctor. She had gotten what she wanted; his past and a glimpse beneath the surface, and he had gotten what he wanted; complete and utter surrender. He turned around, making his way back to the ladder. He had intended to let her die. Not just because it was such a great moment but mostly, because he realized that he had formed some sort of bonding. And he knew that any attachment that he might form could be a huge disadvantage. It was against everything he stood for, it contradicted his own principles and he didn't have many of those. So it was best if she was gone. And, after all, she had told him she would die for him, had she not?  
Then why did it feel so wrong? He felt a sting, that same feeling that he felt when she had finally started to breath again after he had fried her with the ECT machine. It was uncomfortable but weirdly pleasing at the same time. The more steps he took away from the vat, the more painful it grew. And he couldn't forget her promise. The one she had whispered between her soft lips. She would live for him. Anyone could die for someone else. But to live for someone, that was a much greater promise. It meant that your life was devoted to a person and only to that person. It meant commitment. That was when he realized, that he couldn't just walk away. There was something much more profound in having her by his side than letting her die. It wasn't just about satisfying his pervert need for control and admiration anymore. Harley Quinn was his personal creation, his own little monster, the one thing he had become addicted to.

 

Then, the Joker made his decision. Yes, he was annoyed and angry about his change of mind, but there was no way of denying that he wanted her to survive. He stopped short, ripped off his jacket, swiftly turned around and swan-dived into the poisonous chemicals to save his Harlequin. He dove deep into the vat, grabbed her around her waist and pulled her up. This time, it seemed that the chemicals had no effect on him, but they clearly had on her. As they emerged, the blue and red of their clothes started to fade into the acidy liquid and colored the tips of Harley`s pale blond hair. Her skin was bleached plain white, though not as chalk-white as his. But he knew already, Harleen was gone for good. He gently swiped the toxic liquid off of her mouth and Harley started to cough. Slowly, carefully, she opened her eyes. They were glowing with madness and excitement. Every previous concern, every insecurity had been drained from her body and her mind, melted into the liquid. Then, without hesitation, he leaned in and pressed his lips on hers. He had felt that urge to kiss her before but now he finally allowed himself to give in. It wasn't a sweet kiss, it was a passionate and a demanding one. A carnal need boiling underneath his skin. Harley responded by opening her mouth, relishing in the moment, pulling her arms around his neck and clinging to his body.  
He grabbed her tighter, pulled her against his chest. She smiled at him and he looked down at her. Then he tilted his head back and released a series of excited laughter that traveled through the huge hall and bounced from the cold concrete walls as the haunting echo of madness.

  
As they were standing there in that vat full of chemicals, they formed a joined force of insanity. This was the beginning of something much greater and darker than anyone could even begin to understand. This was the birth of Gotham`s worst nightmare. It was the baptism of Harley Quinn.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so this was the Chemical Vat scene. I can assure you it was a hell of a challenge to write this chapter. It took me forever to finish it. I started to write on that chapter about a week ago but I wasn`t happy with the result. Somehow it had to be captivating and emotional without being too ,,roses and kisses". So I changed and edited stuff but then it was too cold and cruel. Eventually I just deleted all of it and started over. Yesterday evening I re-watched that awesome scene again from the movie and then I was on it all night. So this morning I finally put it online.  
> I hope you guys like it.


	14. Just Like Animals

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so finally there is Chapter 14.  
> Uhm... the reason it took me so long to update (besides University) was that I wasn`t sure about how much to put into it. Initially I did not intend to include the sexually explicit scenes (yet) but it just happened. Blame Maroon 5 xD I am aware it might be provoking but I have switched up the ratings a few chapters earlier because I knew where I was headed. So I hope you like it or enjoy it and let me know what you think.

**CHAPTER 14:** Just Like Animals  
  
\-------------------------------------------------------  
  
Baby, I'm preying on you tonight  
Hunt you down eat you alive  
Just like animals, animals, like animals-mals  
........  
So what you trying to do to me  
It's like we can't stop we're enemies  
But we get along when I'm inside you  
You're like a drug that's killing me  
I cut you out entirely  
But I get so high when I'm inside you  
  
Maroon 5 – Animals

The night had already advanced and was close to dawn and the streets were cloaked in silence. Everything was eerily quiet except for those footsteps in the deserted alley on the outskirts of Gotham. Two shadowy figures were walking down the dirty, cracked and broken streets. From afar, no one could have made out who they were, especially since most of the street lamps were broken. No one ever fixed anything down here. There was no money and not enough people inhabiting this part of the town that cared. But then again, maybe it was better that way. Maybe, it was for the best if no one noticed them. Because they weren't just some random lost individuals. They weren't afraid of neither the darkness of the late hours nor the rough neighborhood. No, they were dangerous. If anything, the neighborhood should be afraid of them.  
  
After the Joker had taken that dive and saved reborn Harley from that nasty poison, they had waited in the vat while embracing each other, relishing in the moment, until the vat had drained automatically. Then, the Joker had swiftly jumped out of the vat and offered his crazy queen a hand. She had taken it even though she wouldn't have needed it. She was still quite flexible and so she had swung her long legs over the slippery border and graciously slid down, joining her Mr.J. standing beside the vat. There was no doubt that she belonged at his side from now on. But things were new and adjustment first had to settle in. And when Harley had suggested to walk all the way back to Gotham, the Joker hadn't been pleased. In fact, he had started to ask himself whether he had made a mistake in saving her. But eventually he had given in and called Frost to get his lambo from ACE Chemicals and pick them up later on. Frost hadn't asked who else he had been talking about, nor why his car was parked at the chemical waste plant. Frost was a good man and he knew better than to ask unwelcome questions. So now, they were walking down the empty streets in their partially melted off clothes looking like zombies with their shiny white skin.   
Even though the Joker hated walking, he had to admit that it was worth her smile. Not because he suddenly felt warm and fuzzy. Rather, because he knew that she would do anything for him and that she had realized she had to ask him for permission. He was the boss and she was his... well, his property. Maybe even more than that.  
The air was cold but neither one of them seemed to be bothered by it. Harley wore next to nothing but the Joker sure as hell didn't mind. He was observing her and while he was calm and almost reserved, Harley seemed as if she was on drugs.

Ever since Harley had opened her eyes and had seen him staring back at her, things had become different. Colors had appeared to be brighter and more vibrant and every little thing seemed somehow out of place. First, she had thought it was the temporary influence of her near drowning experience. Restricted air supply can do those things to you, she knew that. But it hadn't worn off. So she had asked Mr.J to walk with her and get some fresh air and quite surprisingly he had agreed. But even now, walking in the fresh and cold air, she didn't feel the excitement wearing off. It was all.. weird. Ordinary things really, like a car or one of the very few street lamps shining onto the deserted alley. It all seemed different. Everything was without importance, noting mattered, nothing had an effect on her anymore. And yet all those little things appeared to be new. She felt like she was experiencing the world for the first time. But it wasn't just her awareness that had changed. Inside of her, there was something else now. It was boiling. Something burning, flames licking at her heart. No, it wasn't just love. That tiny little word didn't even cut it. It was so much more than that. It was desire, consuming obsession and the craving of being close to HIM. Not just physically. In every way possible. She was reborn, a part of another one`s self.

She closed her eyes and stepped away from the dark sideway onto the street, humming and dancing to an unknown melody, spinning around herself, arms stretched out, embracing the darkness that surrounded her. A bright laughter escaped her cute mouth and traveled down the streets. She was high on feelings, high on freedom.  
  
The Joker couldn't take his eyes off of her. He watched her, that creation of his, finally free of everything, free of a conscious and moral restraints, free of any concerns she might have had. It was truly beautiful. Probably the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. And she was his and his alone. He felt the desire to grab her and pull her closer. But instead he just stood there and observed. She was better than any heist, any robbery, any explosion he had ever committed or caused. She was his drug and he was hers.  
He joined her laughter and so they walked down the streets, his arm around her small waist, Mr. and Mrs. Crazy taking a stroll in the suburbs of Gotham.  
But neither one of them was patient and both of them felt the craving for some action. And when they encountered one of the solitary houses situated in this lonely corner of the city, the Joker decided it was time for something more exciting.  
  
He eyed Harley and she picked up on his gaze and smiled seductively.  
,,Up for something more...interesting?” he asked her.  
  
He smirked and she knew that _interesting_ could mean all sorts of things. But what the heck, she was in.  
  
,,Sure Mr.J, what do you have in mind?” she glanced at him, shooting him a conspiratorial look.  
  
,,Wouldn't be fun if I let you know just yet sweetie. It would ruin the surprise. Just go up there and ring the door bell.”  
  
She was confused. Where would be the fun in that? But she would just have to wait and see.  
,,And then?” she asked, smiling inncoently.  
But he could see that the innocence was fake. She was excited.

,,And then, you improvise.” He ordered her but the smirk on his face told her that he had a plan.  
  
She nodded and headed for the door, excessively swinging her hips. The Joker almost had to laugh, he knew she did it to distract him. And it worked.  
Harley rang the doorbell and waited. Light`s went on in the house.

The Joker removed his gun from it`s holster. _Show time_.

  
Jared Andrews was a lonely man. He was one of the few people who had decided to stay in this hell hole. Even after everyone had left for the main city, he had kept his place no matter how beat down it looked. Sure, no one cared about infrastructure around here, nothing ever got done: Neither the street lamps nor the bumps in the road. But on the upside, no one minded him having a few ladies over either. And with ladies, he meant the kind that got paid. He didn't mind that some of them were too young, he didn't mind that most of them had been drugged and previously abused. He just wanted his fun. And if one of them accidentally got missing, no one was there to rat him out. Because, there was no one else. So imagine his surprise when his doorbell rang at this time of night in this deserted corner. Especially, since he hadn't ordered female company, nor pizza. So he got out of bed and switched on the lights. Carefully he passed by the windows and glimpsed through the door spy hole. There was a young lady. She was pretty but she looked as if she had been dragged through dry cleaning. But who was he to judge, he had slept with worse. And from the look in her eyes she was desperate and most importantly, alone. So he opened the door.  
  
Harley had seen his shadow moving across the windows and waited for him to open up. Now, that the door had swung open, she could see what ugly creature inhabited this shit hole of a house. He was about 45, overweight and bald-headed. And he reeked of booze and cigarettes.  
  
,,I am sorry to bother you Sir, especially at this time of night, but I got mugged after I came out of the club and some assholes have beaten me up. Now I am without a car and had to walk all the way down here. May I use your phone? I just need to call a friend who could pick me up.”  
She smiled at him as desperately and charmingly as she could manage. But she instantly felt that even though he responded well to her acting, he wasn't the good kind of person.  
This indeed would get very interesting.  
  
,,Well then come in, honey. The phone is right upstairs.”  
  
When Harley didn't make a move to get inside, he suddenly grabbed her arms and pulled her inside.  
  
,,Did you really think that was an offer you little bitch. First I get paid.” He hissed at her.  
And then he started to tear off what little clothes she was wearing.  
  
Even though it might have looked as if Harley needed some help, there was still someone else in the game that the drunk and ugly man hadn't counted on. The Joker had been listening to them, waiting in the dark. He instantly knew what kind of person this man was and what intentions he had for Harley. And while he was curious how it would play out, his anger got the better of him. When that little fat rat dragged her inside the house and tore he clothes of, all he felt was rage. He wanted to see blood. NOW.  
So he stepped out of the shadows and aimed the gun at horny Jared.  
  
,,Ah ah ah...” he tutted and wagged his long finger in front of him , ,,Who do you think you are, playing with my property, you little pig? Hmm...?”  
  
He stepped inside the house, still pointing the gun to his forehead.  
Jared paled in realization and the Joker embraced the feeling of power with a dark smile on his face.  
,,Step away, prick. She`s mine.” He hissed at him, teeth gritted and eyes black.  
Andrews took his hands off Harley as if he`d been stung by a bee. His mouth was still open, reflecting the confusion about the sudden change of situation and his eyes stared at the green haired man with panic and fear. He had heard about the Asylum and the Joker`s escape but he had never imagined that this lunatic would turn up at his doorstep with a bitch like that. It was too much to process for his tiny and slow brain. But so much he knew; he was screwed.  
  
Harley blew a loose strand of hair out of her face and giggled at the sight of the frozen asshole that had tried to molest her.  
,,Not so courageous anymore now, are we?” She taunted him and took her place at the Joker`s side. Her eyes lighted up in excitement and she turned her face towards the Joker.  
,,Mr.J, what are we going to do to him?”  
The Joker could hear the anticipation in her voice. At first he had planned to empty his gun into the forehead of the ugly pig. But this was their first time together at something and this scumbag surely deserved a special treatment. Besides, he would have to test his new sidekick anyways. Even though little Harley seemed changed and crazier than before, he had to know how much blood she could take and whether or not she was wiling to kill.. The Joker let his eyes wander around the room until he found something useful. He picked up a wooden baseball bat that leaned right next to the door and handed it over to Harley. Her facial expression changed into surprise. She shot him a quizzical look, not entirely sure about what to do now.  
,,Oh Harley-doll, he is going to be my present to you.” An evil smile spread across his face when he noticed how her eyes light up at his words. Then he turned towards Andrews, who seemed a little out of it.  
,,Kneel down asshole and don`t move or I`ll make sure you shoot blanks for the rest of your life.” He barked at him and pointed his gun to his lower body parts.  
Of course he wouldn't let him live. That man was going to die either way, but people seemed to do whatever he asked if they clung to a bit of hope. And just like he had expected, the man had dropped to his knees. He was so afraid that his hands were trembling and he almost lost balance.  
Then, the Joker smiled at Harley, taking a few steps back into the house.  
,,Have at it, baby.” He winked at her.  
  
Harley wasn't entirely sure whether he truly expected her to beat him. Of course he had told her so but sometimes Mr.J said something and meant something completely different. Maybe he would see it as disrespectful if she hit him first. Maybe he wanted to see if she knew her place. But then again, he had offered him to her. And it wasn't as if she didn't want to take revenge on that low-life thug and pervert. So without further thinking, she lifted the bat over her head and let it race down onto the bald sweating head of Jared Andrews. The first blow had been hesitant. Even though she had shot a man before, this was different. It was more personal, it required more hatred and involved much more blood. But after that bat had crashed down on his skull and left a large, bleeding hole on his forehead, something inside of her just snapped. She couldn't stop. It was so empowering and she felt psyched. It felt so good to let it all out, to let all her anger and thirst for blood rain down on this ugly ass pig. And even after his head was bashed in like a mashed potato and his body was twitching on the floor in post mortal spasms, she just hit him over and over again. Blood splashed all across the room and soaked her hair and pieces of clothing.  
  
The Joker had been curious whether she would really be able to kill that man. He had expected her to hesitate, maybe even to back out. After all, bashing someone`s head in was quite different from shooting someone. But when she had lifted that bat and made that first blow, he felt strangely proud. Not many could pull that off. And then, when she had gone completely berserk on that guy he didn't just feel proud anymore, he felt turned on. He had always liked violence but seeing her like that, half naked and covered in someone else`s blood, beating this asshole to death with his own baseball bat, was more than badass. It was incredibly hot and sexy. So before she could hit the bloody mess on the floor, he ripped the bat out of her hands, brutally pinned her to the wall and nicked her lips with his teeth.  
  
,,You are just too tempting when you are crazy like that,” he purred and forced his lips on hers. Even though she had been taken by surprise, this turn of events was more than pleasing and she happily gave in to his sudden assault. She parted her lips and relaxed while he explored the inside of her mouth with his tongue, pressing his strong body against hers. Then he swiftly lifted her up and crashed her down on the dining room table. The glass of an empty bottle of wine shattered underneath her back and the broken pieces carved her skin. Harley winced in pain when she hit the counter but at the same time it was electrifying. Pain and pleasure smoothed into one another and left her wanting for more. She pulled her arms around his neck, clung to him as if she was holding on for dear life. His hands traveled down on her body, ripping off the last bits and pieces of clothing. He felt the shedding pieces of her old skin between his fingers and the smooth surface of her new one. She was deliciously wet between her legs and she was his. He grabbed her hips so hard that his hands left bruises. Harley moaned and breathed heavily, moving her hips closer to his. She felt her body tightening under his touch. She wanted him, bad. And she knew that he wanted her too. But he took his time, building it up until she thought she couldn't take it anymore. She dug her fingernails into his back, forcing him closer. Then he suddenly stepped back and their eyes locked. She could see the animalistic look in his eyes, the dangerously dilated pupils. He was taking her in, that little monster of his: lasciviously laying on the table, heavily panting.  
She looked at him pleadingly, jolting her head back while whispering ,,please”.  
It was all that it took. He grabbed her legs and pulled her closer. Then, finally, he pulled his pants down and entered her with harsh strokes. Harley arched her back in pleasure and wrapped her legs around him. Her eyes rolled back and she bit her lip in excitement. But instead of accelerating, he slowed down and bowed over her, moving his lips down on her throat, his teeth leaving red marks on her skin.  
Harley cried out in frustration, grabbing his shoulders, desperately trying to get even closer. She wanted to be one with him, to absorb him into her. Suddenly, she felt him moving faster, slamming into her, filling her up completely. She felt so high she thought she`d explode any moment. Her skin tickled and her blood boiled. She grasped for air, clenching her hands to fists on his shoulders. And then, finally, they climaxed together. A growl escaped his mouth when she once again clawed her nails into his back like a vicious animal, tightening one last time, before her back crashed hard against the dinner table.  
  
For a while it was silent, both of them catching their breath, processing what just happened. It felt as if that massive energy between them had finally been discharged. Harley had never felt so happy in her life before. She was still biting her lower lip, admiring his well trained body while he was staring her down. Then, he broke the silence.  
  
,,Stop that or I`ll have to make you” he chuckled darkly.  
Harley let go of her lip and raised herself to her elbows, coquettishly blowing him an imaginary kiss. He moved away from the table and pulled up his pants. Harley eyed him when he opened up drawers. He continued his search until he found what he was looking for. He threw her an oversized T-shirt.  
,,Put that on,” he ordered. Then, he walked towards the door, careful not to step into the bloody pulp of meat. Harley put on the T-Shirt and followed him to the doorway. She didn't even notice the mess on the floor, it meant nothing to her. All she cared about was him. He seemed distant but she noticed that he was much more relaxed than she had ever seen him before. _My achievement ._ She smiled internally. She was about to step outside onto the street again when he suddenly went back inside the house. After a few seconds, he returned. At first she couldn't see what he held in his hands but then she noticed it. Mr. J was carrying the wooden baseball bat. Before she could ask what he was doing he tossed her the blood-smeared weapon and she caught it with her right hand before it hit the floor.  
  
,,This is yours now. You really did well today, pumpkin.” He smirked, before he finally left the house. At first, Harley was suspicious about the bloody thing. It still had a few bits of bone and skin on it. But apart from that, she felt a strange bond between her and that baseball bat. It would forever carry the memory of this very special night. The one that changed everything. She grabbed the thing tighter and went over to Mr.J. Even though she was happy and relaxed, she was tired to the bones. There was no way she could walk back to Gotham tonight. Apparently, the Joker felt the same way and pulled out his phone.  
,,Frost. Get the car. Track down our coordinates and pick us up,” he ordered and added, ,,Oh and Frost, you better be quick!” Then he hung up.  
  
Now that she was tired she realized how cold it had gotten outside and the T-shirt barely managed to cover her but. She trembled in the cold air and goosebumps spread across her legs. Harley tried to hide her exhaustion from him. But he noticed how worn-out she was. He put his arm around her waist and pulled her closer. And then, Harley finally surrendered and fell asleep, leaning on him while resting her head on his shoulder.  
  
The Joker looked down at her face, listened to her steady breath. He felt a wave of unwelcome emotions rushing through his body. He still had to get used to this. But there was time and now he knew he could count on her. She wasn't just his little monster, with that incredible viciousness she could be a valuable asset too. He thought about the things they could accomplish and the thought of Batman`s face when he realized what had become of Dr. Harleen Quinzel was so utterly pleasing, that he didn't care about his ambivalent feelings towards her anymore. The Dark Knight of Gotham would get a real introduction of his Harley Quinn soon enough. _Oh Batsy, you will wish you were never born!_

 


	15. Closing In

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, here`s the next chapter. As I said before, it is mostly a wrap-up but since I believe that side-stories belong to every good work I added this as a chapter. So I hope you enjoy some police-work too ;)  
> Chapter 16 is going to focus on Harley /Joker and then there will be some action again ...  
> I read your suggestions and I wanted to thank you all for your great ideas. I do have something in mind though and I will let it all play out slowly. After all, I want to make this more than just a few chapters long and characters need time to develop.

CHAPTER 15: Closing In

\-----------------------------------------------------

I'm the truth that you're afraid of, I'm a fever that you made up  
Just a martyr on a bridge that's burning down  
Can you see my scars?  
Can you feel my heart?  
This is all of me for all of the world to see

  
Boy Epic - Scars

 

When Frost had finally received a call from the Joker he had been relieved. He hadn't heard from him ever since he had left in his purple Lamborghini to have some fun at his club.  
But he hadn't turned up at the club and even though Frost knew that his boss was an erratic and unpredictable person, he usually stayed true to his plans. At least when they involved business or trouble, or his club. It was one of the things he actually cared about.  
Frost had only recently realized that the Joker probably shared a stronger bond with his goddamn car and his fancy club than with any human on this planet. Which didn't mean that the Joker loved his property. It simply meant he despised people. So Frost knew better than to call him and ask him where he had gotten held up. But it did bother him. After all, business was only just recovering and if Batman had caught him – again - it would have been devastating.  
So he had waited in the club, had stayed alert and close to the phone. And then, finally, the Joker had called to let him know that he, Frost, should collect his sports-car at ACE Chemicals. Frost didn't know about the Joker`s origins and therefore, quite understandably, he had been wondering what the fuck his boss had been doing there. But ,,no questions asked” was one of his job descriptions and he took it seriously.  
  
So he went there with a few of his trusted men and drove it back home with the spare key that the Joker kept locked away in a safe.  
Only Frost had the codes. It wasn't so much a gesture of trust but rather one of necessity. But that wasn't important now. The one thing out of all those weird facts and events that truly confused him was the last phone call he had with his boss a few hours after the Joker had told him to pick up his car.  
He had ordered him to pick ,,us” up. _Who is ,,us”?_ Frost was wondering. Who the hell could be that second person? Maybe he really did have an encounter with the Batman and managed to kill or at least hurt him badly enough so he could drag him along to torture him. But he didn't sound agitated or euphoric, rather calm and relaxed. Which was very out of character for his boss. And the second weird thing was the location he had called him from. Somewhere on the outskirts of Gotham, a dirty and abandoned place. Why would he intentionally go there? It all just didn't add up. But Frost was on his way and would arrive there soon. Even though he was curious, Frost wasn't sure whether he truly wanted to know what was going on.  
  
The last few minutes of the drive Frost had tried to find that specific alley he had gotten the call from. Without any light and so many little alleys and streets it was like finding a needle in a haystack while wearing a blindfold.  
But then he had spotted them. At first he thought the pale-white thing next to the Joker was some sort of a puppet. At least it wasn't Batman! Frost was immensely relieved by that fact but not any less curious than before. So when he stopped the car and got out, he realized it was a person, not a puppet. But if it was a person leaning against his boss, it was probably a dead one. This job was like riding a rollercoaster. And more often than not it involved getting rid of bodies before the ride could continue. Frost stepped closer and then it hit him. This wasn't just any dead body, it was the dead body of a young woman with bleached blonde hair and pale white skin dressed with nothing but an oversized T-shirt.  
That would be weird enough but it got even creepier, because Frost recognized her. That doll-face, no mater how dead and pale it looked, no matter how much blood was smeared on it, he knew who it belonged to. This was whatever was left of the Joker`s psychologist. _Why?_ Was the question that was nagging at him. Frost couldn't help but stare.  
Why did he kill her after all this time he had pretended not to care about her at all? And why did he mutilate her body and skin like that? And how did he do that?  
No, he probably didn't want to know how. Just at the thought of it his stomach turned. He eyed his boss with confusion. Frost wasn't one to hesitate. But this situation was far beyond ,,the usual”.

  
,,Uhmm...Boss?” was all he managed.  
  
The Joker glared at him.  
,,Damn it Frost! What the hell took you so long, we`re freezing here!” He hissed at him, teeth gritted and lips thin.  
  
That wasn't surprising. He was angry. The Joker was always either angry or ecstatic. Frost didn't know what was more scary. But what was surprising was the fact, that he had said that ,,they” were freezing. If she was dead she couldn't be freezing, could she?  
  
,,Sorry boss...” Frost started. He knew there was no need for an explanation as the Joker wouldn't accept one anyways. So instead he just added, ,,What do you want me to do?”  
  
The Joker grabbed the ghost-white Harley underneath her legs, picked her up and carried her towards the car. Her head fell back in an unhealthy angle. She looked like a corpse bride.  
,,Open the door, we have to get her home. She will stay with the gang for the time being.”  
  
The Joker`s words didn't reach Frost`s brain. Apparently the look on Frost`s face wasn't as controlled as he had hoped for.  
  
,,Are you deaf? Open the fucking door Frost!” The Joker wasn't in his fun mood, not even in his ,,let`s play a game” mood. He was being serious.  
  
Frost hurried over to the car, opened the door and helped his boss to position Harley on the back seat of the van. That was when he felt that, even though she was cold as ice, she was still breathing. Why was she still alive? Frost had never asked questions, but this time it was so messed up that he couldn't help it, it just slipped out of his mouth.  
  
,,Boss.. what happened?”  
  
The Joker eyed him dismissively, offering him a large, devious grin.  
,,She jumped over the edge of crazy, Frost. That`s what happened. Now she`s mine.”  
His smile vanished and his eyes pierced into Frost`s.  
,,If we get back, you`ll inform the others about her: No one touches her, no one interacts with her without my permission. NO ONE.” He paused and then he continued , ,,Oh.. and get her bat, she must have dropped it when she fell asleep.”  
  
Frost thought he probably had misunderstood him, but the serious and pissed off look in his boss`eyes told him to just do what he was told. So he walked towards the spot where he had found the Joker and Harley and picked up a bloody baseball bat. When he stepped back into the light he raised his eyebrows. _Is that...bone on the bat? What the hell...?!_  
  
The Joker noticed the quizzical look on his face.  
,,I didn't explicitly say I would punish them if anyone touches her.” He smirked. Then he added , ,,She seems to be quite handy with the bat herself.”  
  
Then, without another word he got in the car and Frost realized it was probably best to just shut up and drive them home. It was hard enough to stay alive under one crazy psychopath, no need to decrease his chances by underestimating the person he had created. Whatever or whoever she was now, if she had earned the respect of the Joker she must have done something gruesome. Maybe he wasn't just sitting in the car with one but actually two psychopaths. That most definitely wasn't in the job description.  
  
\-----------------------------------------------------------  
  
It dawned over Gotham and the grayish clouds lit up in an ugly orange-brown. Gordon had not been able to close a single eye this night. He was still not sure whether to pursue his hunch or not. He would just have to wait until Batman got back to him with some answers and intel on what actually happened that night at the Asylum. His wife and kids were currently on vacation at their grand-parent`s home so Gordon didn't even have his wife to distract him. He had always been a bloodhound. Whenever he smelled that something was off, he had pursued it to the bitter end. Maybe he should just go visit Ms. Quinzel again. Maybe she was better now, maybe she had truly been in shock. So Gordon got up and brewed himself some coffee.  
  
Batman had been questioning every low-life he could find, any thief he encountered. Anyone who could know something about Harleen being involved in that horrible massacre at the Asyum. But no one seemed to know anything about the incident. Which lead Batman to believe that it had been organized on very short notice and this thought immediately rang a bell in his subconscious. Whenever someone needed to get something done fast, get weapons or arrange something without anyone knowing, they would go to the Penguin. He must know what happened and maybe he would spit out what he knew about Harleen`s role in the escape.  
So he took a shortcut and drove straight to the Penguin`s residency.

Bruce despised that little greedy bird but it was easy to negotiate with him and he responded well to threats, so it was better to keep him around than to lock him up.  
When he finally arrived at his old mansion, Batman swiftly climbed over the security wall and made his way to the main house. The garden looked awful like always.  
When he finally reached the back entrance he peeked through one of the large windows. There he was, sitting at his dinner table, squeaking something at his subordinates. It must be hell to serve under this tyrannic bastard. But there was worse... At the thought of the Joker being on the loose again a wave of anger flushed Bruce`s body.  
This man was the devil in person. And in contrast to the Penguin, the Joker was scared of nothing and no one and no amount of money could ever buy him. Bruce sighed, he had to do this. He couldn't risk that Gordon put an innocent person behind bars. Not that Gordon would do that intentionally, but he was known to get his way. And Batman knew that Gordon suspected Harleen. This was not good.  
First, Bruce had intended to ring the bell at the front door. But then he changed his plan. Instead of entering through the door and risking the Penguin fleeing the scene he just busted through the window. With a loud smash he shattered the glass and jumped inside, interrupting whatever pseudo-motivational speech the Penguin had been giving. The mob was staring at him in confusion but as soon as they realized who he was, they ran like rats to the sewer. The Penguin seemed quite calm and his bodyguard didn't even blink an eye.  
  
,,What do you want, Bat?” The Penguin mumbled through firmly closed lips.

 

,,Hello Oswald. I believe you know why I am here...” Bruce started.  
  
The Penguin defensively crossed his arms in front of his chest.  
,,No I don`t. So why don`t you let me know why the hell you ruined my window and scared away my guests!” His tiny eyes glared at him but there wasn't just anger in them, there was fear too.  
  
,,I thought I would rescue them from your company.” He smirked.  
Bruce reminded himself not to exaggerate with jokes. The Penguin wasn't someone known for his great sense of humor.  
,,Oswald, I am here because of the Joker`s escape from the Asylum... I believe you know something. If you do, and I know you do, it would be best to speak up now!”  
Bruce tightened his fists.  
  
Cobblepot hated the Bat. He turned up and ruined everything. Every time. He sure would have preferred to play dumb but Batman always followed through with his threats and the Penguin wasn't exactly what one would call a tough guy. The Joker owed him anyways and even though they had made a new deal, no one could prove that it had been him who had ratted out the clown prince of crime, right? But then again, he was more afraid of the crazy man than of Batman. Because when it came down to a fight, Batman wouldn't kill him. It was against his principles. Whereas the Joker... well... he decided rather not to spend too much time thinking about that outcome.  
  
,,Listen...I would like to help you out. But you need to understand, my name and my life is on the line too. If I rat someone out and it tracks back to me, I am a dead man. Probably a mutilated and tortured and then viciously killed man. This is not good for business. So if you want to threaten me, go ahead. I give you that, you are threatening. But not nearly as much as the alternative.”  
  
The Batman knew what he meant. Of course he wouldn't just spill his guts. But Bruce didn't need to know about the Joker. He only needed to know about Harleen. He would find the Joker by himself, after all, the clown wasn't inconspicuous, neither in appearance nor in his actions.

 

,,I understand that. But you assume wrong. All I want to know is whether his psychologist was part of the escape plan or not. She is currently being treated for severe damage by electricity, probably exerted by the Joker himself. If she had been threatened and then tortured by him she might side with us and maybe we can get some information out of her concerning the Joker`s plans. But first I need to know who she truly is. And I have the feeling you can help me with that.”

The Penguin remained silent for a while. He knew who he was speaking of. That crazy lady who had paid him an unpleasant visit a few weeks back. _Interesting_ , he thought. He had believed she would be the first body on the scene but apparently not. Was it safe to tell Batman what he knew? If the Joker truly cared about that bitch he wouldn't have tortured her. And what could she possibly know anyways?  
,,Alright,” he started, ,,I might be able to help you. But you can`t tell anyone that it was me who told you and if my name comes up when you talk to her, you have to guarantee my protection from the law.”

Batman sighed. _Typical_. Saving his own ass. But it was better than nothing.  
,,Agreed!” He promised.  
  
,,Ok so what I am about to tell you is the truth. The night before the break-out, his psychologist showed up at my place accompanied by Frost and his men. They were asking me for guns. You might think she had been forced but I tell you, she wasn't. She was the one asking, very perdistent! She seemed out of her mind. All bossy! Frost was just there as her guard. She had a part in it for sure, she was the one who got the guns through the security gate with her badge. They told me about their plan...”  
  
Bruce couldn't believe what he just heard.

,,What? You knew about their plan and you helped them? You helped letting out that psychopath because his psychologist was asking? The same one who almost paid with her life for it?” He lowered his voice, anger clouding his judgement.  
,,This is on you, Cobblepot!”

He stepped closer, ready to grab that piece of trash by his tie.

But the Penguin just threw his hands up in defense.  
,,I did nothing! I declined their request for guns because they wanted them for free and I never give anything for free. They must have gotten them elsewhere. And we both know that Frost is the right hand of the clown. No one dares to piss him off!”

 

Batman knew that he was lying, but there was no way to prove it. This was frustrating. Gotham was still swarming with garbage like Cobblepot. But they were the necessary evil. The lesser one...  
,,So you are saying that Harleen Quinzel knew what she was doing and helped them out of her own free will? I can`t believe that. She was described as a very serious and promising doctor. Why would she help someone as deranged as the Joker?”  
  
The Penguin regained his constitution.  
,,Do I look like an oracle? Why would I know! She must be crazy, his kind attracts them.”

  
Even though he knew that the Penguin had no reason to lie, he just couldn't figure out why the doctor would help one of her most notorious, criminally insane patients. But this was not the place to talk about her motives. Cobblepot wouldn't say anything else and he probably didn't even know anything else. Batman knew, he had to get back to Gordon with this information. Now he was curious about that doctor. He would have to sit in when Gordon decided to question her again.

He nodded towards Cobblepot who seemed everything but pleased. Then, Bruce just turned around and left through the shattered window.  
  
Gordon was about to get in his car when he heard the familiar flapping of Batman`s wings.  
,,Gordon,” a deep voice called out just behind him. James Gordon turned around. There he was, the dark knight. But something about him seemed different. Was he... concerned?  
,,Batman! What did you find out?”

  
,,Nothing good. Miss Quinzel was part of the break out plan. And from what I have heard, she was the one initiating it. Apparently without external threats. Your hunch was a good one. Although I`d rather it wasn't the case.”  
  
Gordon frowned. Even though he had known that something was off about her, he had never expected that she was the one who organized the damn thing.

  
,,Why?” was all he asked.  
But Batman didn't have any answers to that question either. Maybe Cobblepot was right and she was crazy.  
Just then Gordon`s phone rang and before he could say goodbye the Batman had already disappeared.  
  
,,Detective James Gordon, who am I talking to?”  
  
,,It is Homicide Detective Sanchez. Good that I finally reach you. We got a call from a prostitute this morning. She had been ordered to a client a few weeks in advance and when she arrived the door was open. He was in the entry, head bashed in. It is... nasty. We could really use your help on this case! I get the feeling it might be a punishment, maybe from one of the mob bosses around here, I guess you would know. But if you decide to show up, better make sure you haven`t eaten anything. You wouldn't be the first one to throw up at the sight of... well... of what`s left of him.”

,,Where did it happen? Can you text me the specifics? I`ll get there as soon as I can.”  
  
Even though Gordon intended to get a warrant to question this doctor at the station and search her house, there was nothing he could do now. He had to find other evidence than Batman`s word. No judge would sign a warrant just because he asked nicely, left alone to question a probably traumatized victim. So instead, he drove over to help out his colleague.  
  
Gordon had seen a lot in his career as an officer and later as a detective. But nothing had prepared him for this crime scene. He had thought that Sanchez had exaggerated. He hadn`t.  
The thing in the entry wasn't a person anymore. There was just a bloody mess of bones, tissue and dried blood. Even though legs and upper body seemed mostly intact, there was no way of telling where his head was, or rather, where it wasn't. Brain matter and skull fragments were spread all over the place, stuck to walls and even the ceiling. Whoever had done this wasn't right in the head, or incredibly angry. Or both.  
,,Who is... who WAS this?” Gordon asked Sanchez.

 

,,Well, we can`t identify him without DNA test. Not enough teeth and face left...”  
  
Gordon shivered. This was truly disgusting.  
,,Who lived here?”  
  
,,Someone called Jared Andrews. We believe he is the victim. He was a regular customer at the local fun house and from what I have heard, not the gentle kind. He caused more costs than benefit, because he roughened them up so hard that some of them needed surgery. The service was about to deny his requests but he had offered them a large sum for compensation. No one knows where he`s got the money from. That is why I called you. Maybe he had gotten himself involved with some of the dangerous people and we know what happens when you get on their bad side. However, the fun house accepted his money. I mean, that kind of business doesn't run on moral concerns. Money is the language they speak, so that`s why they sent another hooker this morning.”  
  
Gordon shook his head. That man truly wasn't a loss to society, but no one deserved to go like that. He forced himself to take another look at the crime scene. What could have caused that much trauma to a skull? A hammer? No, probably not massive enough. Maybe another tool.

  
,,Listen Sanchez, I am mostly dealing with the mob. Meaning: robberies, theft, mafia business... I have to say, I have never encountered a punishment like that. If they are being dealt with it is two shots or three shots to the back of the head. Sometimes an explosion but never that bloody. This is more than just punishment. That is rage... or insanity. But you are the homicide guy, what`s your take on it?”  
  
Sanchez just shrugged.  
,,No idea. I have to say it does look like the work of a madman. As if someone was enjoying this. Must be someone violent, cruel and not too squeamish, I might add.”  
Gordon just nodded. He didn't know what to add to that.  
,,Did you find prints? Anything on the scene that might help identify the killer”  
  
Sanchez suddenly widened his eyes.  
,,Actually we did... sort of. We found pieces of clothing, drenched with blood. And lots of bloody prints. We ran it through the data base and that`s where it gets creepy. There are two prints. One was no match, the other one belonged to the Joker! We have no idea how it got there, must have been a mistake...”  
Sanchez scratched the back of his head. This was going in a direction he`d rather avoid.  
  
Gordon raised his eyebrow.  
,,The Joker? Why would he care to bash some low-life`s head in? And how did you get his prints anyways?”  
  
,,Well, when he was locked up in the Asylum his doctors collected his prints. Even though they did not match any real person, we now have the Joker`s fingerprints. So they are in the system. But how did they get here? And who is the other person?”  
  
Gordon wanted to reply something but he was interrupted when his mobile phone started to ring again. Today was truly a busy day. And not the good kind.  
,,Gordon here,” he hissed into the phone.

,,Detective Gordon, it`s Dr. Wilbur from the Gotham General Hospital. You told me to let you know whenever something strange happened around here, especially concerning our latest trauma patient Ms. Quinzel. Well, she has disappeared over night. Clothes, personal affects, it is all gone. We just have her car keys left and her purse. Security footage of our hospital and the nearby streets shows her leaving the building and getting on a stolen motorcycle before driving off. We have no idea how this could have happened. We already informed the station but when they told me that you weren't there I called your personal number.”  
  
Wilbur`s voice was desperate. And Gordon understood him. This was a disaster. Too many unanswered questions, too many ,,why`s” , too little infromation. Gordon hated not knowing what was going on and most of all, he was angry that his main suspect just fled and siappeared into nowhere. Which meant no leads... again. Suddenly he had an idea.  
,,Dr. Wilbur, thank you for calling! I have an unusual question. Do you have anything of Ms. Quinzel that only she touched? To assure that only her fingerprints are on it? It would be a tremendous help!”  
  
,,I am not sure, Detective, I mean, we do have her purse and the keys.."

 

,,No that's not reliable I'm afraid.  Your people have touched them already when they put them away... Anything else? Maybe a something metal? A handle, anything? "

,,I`ll ask the attending nurse. I`ll get back to you!” Then he hung up.  
  
Gordon took a moment to assess the situation. Sanchez had gotten back to his men, telling them to collect every piece of evidence. They were all busy and he wasn't much of a help here.

  
Gordon sighed internally. He didn't expect much, but at least there was a tiny light of hope. If Wilbur could get her fingerprints and be sure that they were hers, he could nail her to the escape in the Asylum by comparing hers with those on the key they had found. And if it was a match, he could file an arrest warrant.  
The phone rang again.  
,,Gordon.”  
  
,,Detective, Wilbur again. I asked Amanda, she was the one looking after Ms. Quinzel. Amanda told me that she had eaten the dinner the night before her escape and because it had been late, no one has collected her flatware. They were encased in plastic before, so no one touched them. If you want we can send them over to the GCPD.”  
  
Gordon couldn't believe that they actually found something!  
,,Thank you Dr. Wilbur. But I`ll collect it myself. Please make sure no one touches it or tosses it away. It could be key evidence for one of our open cases. I`ll be there in twenty minutes.”  
Then Gordon hung up. He shoot a look at Sanchez but he was still barking orders and running up and down the stairs in the tiny house that was now a crime scene. So Gordon got in his car and drove all the way back to Gotham General Hospital. Hopefully the prints were useful and not just partials. He could really use a strike of luck right now.  
  
When Gordon arrived at the Hospital, Dr. Wilbur was already waiting for him at the info desk in the main entrance. He looked pale and stressed but he held a tiny bag in his hands with a plastic knife and fork in it. Gordon greeted him.  
  
,,Alright, here you go Detective. I hope you can use it. Amanda is concerned she might have been caring after a criminal woman. We are all on edge. It would be kind if you could repay our favor by letting us know whenever there is a break in the case.”  
  
Gordon promised and Wilbur handed him the bag. _Hopefully that wasn't all for nothing_ , Gordon thought..  
  
He drove back to the precinct and called for the lab guy, which was actually a lab woman. Kindra Sanders was a geek and a weirdo but she was the best. If anyone could get prints off that plastic then it would be her. So instead of handing the bag over to evidence, he went straight to Sanders.  
  
,,Hey Sanders, you got a minute?”  
  
She pushed her glasses up again. They tended to slide down on her nose, giving her the typical nerd look.  
,,Sure, what`s up?” She smiled.  
,,Not here, can we go to your lab? I need a favor.”  
Kindra giggled and shoot him a conspiratorial look.  
,,You got it, Detective.”  
  
Then they disappeared into her lab. Green fluorescent light brightened the room. The walls were cold and white and there were no windows or furniture, except for the table with the dead bodies. Gordon hated that room. It always smelled of menthol.  
  
,,Okay, look, I have these,” he lifted up the plastic bag so she could see the content, ,,and I need you to check whether you can get prints off of them. It is very important. I didn`t hand them over to evidence because right now, the person I am investigating is not an official suspect and I don`t have the permission to collect her fingerprints without consent. But I believe it is urgent. And if we can match those with the ones from a crime scene, then maybe there is reason enough to start an official investigation.”  
  
Kindra had listened attentively. She liked Gordon, even though he only showed up when he needed something. He was the only one who treated her like a person. Everyone else was just mocking her.  
,,Alright, I`ll see what I can do. If I find prints I will send them to you right away. Won`t take long.”

Then she disappeared with the bag into the room next door. It was the internal forensic lab and only Sanders and her assistant had permission to enter it. So Gordon left the creepy green room of death and went back to his office.

 

Time seemed to crawl and Gordon waited impatiently at his desk, sorting through papers, trying to keep himself busy, afraid, that his superior would find out about his private investigation before he could produce useful evidence.  
He was about to give up hope when Sanders waved him over. _So much for inconspicuous_ , he thought. But he got up and went over to her. He was curious but at the same time he didn't wan`t to know the findings, because if she didn't get prints, then he was at square one again.  
  
,,Alright, so.... I have found prints. Not partials, good prints. BUT... but I ran them through the database – Yes I know I shouldn't have, but I was curious – and no match turned up.”  
  
Gordon smiled at her, it was the first good news in weeks!  
,,Was there only one print? I mean from one person?”  
  
,,Yes, only one person, female, I checked the DNA. Caucasian. But like I said, not registered.”  
  
,,Kindra, you are the best! That`s all I need. Can you send them over to me?”  
  
,,Sure, but you gonna have to tell me who it is you are suspecting...” She grinned, showing off her adult braces she was still wearing as some sort of fashion statement.  
  
,,Alright, if it is a match, you`ll be the first one to know!” He promised.

Gordon couldn't believe that they actually had her prints. Now he could prove her involvement. Or at least convince his superior to open an official investigation. Sure, his evidence was circumstantial and wouldn't hold up in court. Especially because he got her prints illegally. But if he was lucky it was enough to convince important people to take it seriously. Not because he wanted to see that woman behind bars. He wasn't cruel and he wasn't mean either. But he wanted clarity. He wanted clarity because the families of the victims deserved to know. Because it was justice and because there were just too many open questions involving the psychologist and the Joker. It was about time someone shed some light on her part in this story.

 


	16. Initial Difficulties

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know you guys had to wait awfully long this time. I was just so busy with University that I had no time to write anything else than my papers and assignments. But I took some time off over the weekend to finish it and here it is, the newest chapter. I wanted to describe the initiation of Harley into the group. As you can imagine, it doesn`t go that smoothly.  
> Hope you enjoy it.

 

 **CHAPTER 16** : Initial Difficulties

\-----------------------------------------

Queen of pain  
Shed a tear, 'cause you're cold  
And you're vain  
Qeen of pain  
  
Nu Pagadi - Queen of Pain

  
The police station of the GCPD was deserted. Everyone had left the building hours ago and the last one had accidentally switched off the lights, even though Gordon was still sitting at his desk, bent over his computer. He was the only one who had stayed. For the longest time he had been sitting in the dark and the only source of light was the blueish flickering screen of his computer that was on standby. He sat there, absentmindedly staring at his screensaver, from time to time burying his face in his hands. He was conflicted, a state of mind he rarely experienced.  
Sometime earlier Gordon had gotten the confirmation; the prints on the key and the prints on the plastic were the same. But that wasn't everything. Just a few hours ago, someone had called the station because of an accident that had happened the night before with a dead civilian. According to witnesses, a blonde, tall woman shot the man in the head and then got into Joker`s car. This must have happened the night before the bludgeoning outside of Gotham central. Harleen Quinzel was now involved not only in the Joker`s escape and several murders at the Asylum, but also a shooting, a car accident and a bloody bludgeoning.

  
Gordon had been sitting at his desk, thinking about what to do next for almost four hours now, while staring at the blue ball jumping up and down on the computer screensaver. Even though he still intended to get a warrant for Dr. Quinzel`s arrest, he had doubts. Not about whether she was actually guilty but rather if it was worth chasing her. If he believed the witnesses and the results of her finger print comparison, then the psychologist was as much a crazy person as her criminally insane patient. _Crazy breeds crazy_ , he thought. Maybe this wasn't a case for the GCPD, not even one for Gordon. Maybe, this was a case for Batman.  
  
\------------------------------------------------  
  
Frost had been quiet during the whole drive. Even though he had been tempted to check on the creepy white-faced doctor, he had resisted the urge and kept his eyes focused on the road in front of him. The Joker had drifted off to sleep. At least seemingly so, since he was never actually asleep. He was mostly just snoozing, but never truly gone, always vigilant, always ready for action. So it was better Frost kept his eyes off of his boss` puppet.  
Then, after about one hour`s drive, they arrived at an old and deserted factory building. It was completely off the grid that Batman would not find them anytime soon. It was the perfect hide-out and it was what the Joker called ,,home”. He didn't have a special attachment to it like most people, when they spoke of ,,home”. The word simply meant that he was currently residing there. If what people said about ,,home is where your heart is” was true, then the Joker had a black hole where his heart belonged and his home was probably hell itself. With that thought, Frost carefully parked the car in the garage and waited for his boss to wake up.  
He didn't have to wait long, as soon as the engine was being switched off, his eyes popped open and he opened the car door with such swiftness, that Frost was wondering whether he had been awake all along.

 

The Joker enjoyed the cold air in the garage and took a few deep breaths before he turned towards Frost. He knew that his most loyal man was put off his game, which was not something he had ever witnessed before. It was unprofessional and annoying, but somehow understandable, the ex-doctor seemed to have this effect on everybody. He smiled internally at the thought of her craziness. When he caught Frost`s steady glance he returned a glare.  


,,Get her out of the car and upstairs into my room, I`ll talk to the guys.”  
  
Then he left the garage without looking back. He would have preferred to carry Harley himself, but he first had to make sure that his guys were aware who was back and who was in charge. Even though he had been out and about for a few weeks now, he had mostly stayed close to his club, re-establishing deals with other mob bosses, protected by the criminal section around them. Now it was time he returned to his home and reinforced his position in the rank. He knew some of his men had been complaining about his rather timid negotiations with the Penguin and the lack of action. Even though that was about to change, he had no use for disloyal dogs in his pack of wolves.  
  
He stepped inside the elevator and pushed the button for the fourth floor.

 _Level 4_ , he thought, _funny coincidence..._ The numbers superseded each other until the blinking 4 appeared and pushed the 3 away. With a bright ,,bling” the doors swung open and the Joker entered the lobby. The lobby was neither big nor luxury. The wallpaper was already shedding from the walls and the floor definitely needed sweeping. But there was a cosy couch and a few leather seats arranged around a wooden dinner table. Behind the couch, there was a small kitchen with a black polished counter and next to that a billiard and a poker table.

Ten of his men were sitting around the dinner table, drinking beer while puffing cigarettes and chatting. But as soon as he had stepped into the room, they fell silent and instantly interrupted whatever they had been doing. Some of them stood up and stepped back, clearly afraid of him.  
Oh, how he liked that power.

He took a moment to relish the feeling before he stepped closer and causally threw his purple coat over the nearby couch.  


,,Boss, great to see you`re back. Got boring around here.”  
  
It was Kevin. He was the only one who dared to speak up and break the awkward silence.

 

,,Hmm... ,“ was all the Joker had to say. He knew that Kevin had been part of the group who had freed him from the Asylum. But he felt that he had established himself as the leader of the tiny gathering. And the only leader the Joker accepted was himself.  
  
,,Kevin, it is?” he warbled, offering him a large deceiving smile.  
  
,,Yeah...” he answered, raising an eyebrow.  


The Joker knew, this little bastard was cocky.

,,So... you were in charge then, while I was gone and Frost looked after my business!” He stated rather than asked.  
  
Kevin didn't get what the Joker was implying and simply answered with a shrug and a brief ,,yes”.

 

The smile on Joker`s face immediately vanished and he clenched his teeth. Everyone could see now that Kevin was in trouble. If the Joker wanted to punish someone it didn't matter much what they did or said, he could turn their words around in a way that, despite their effort to try and defend themselves, they ended up doing something wrong. There was no knowing on how this little dialogue would end. Maybe with Kevin walking away with nothing but a pat on the shoulder or with Kevin`s head spread all over the pool table. Both outcomes were equally possible.  


Even Kevin realized that he was walking on thin ice and he backpedaled.

,,Of course I wasn't really in charge... I mean I was just... I just..” But there was nothing he could say or explain that would have mattered.  


The Joker started to circle around them, hands in his pocket.  
,,You know, there is only one, ONE alpha in every pack. And that alpha is the strongest. If that alpha dies, then the next strongest individual takes over. So naturally, when I was gone, you took over because you felt you were the strongest of the remaining ones. But you forgot, I didn't die.”  
An evil smile spread across his face when he continued talking.  
,,So now I am back and you guys would surely like to know who`s in charge. I`ll make it easy for you. Me and lil`old Kev here will prove ourselves in a little friendly battle... Agreed?”  


Kevin felt his palms becoming sweaty. He knew he had messed up. He had always been a hot-head but that was a dangerous trait when working under the thumb of an erratic maniac.  
,,Sure..” was all he managed. He swallowed hard.  
  
The Joker`s mood brightened up and the dangerous smile returned.

,,I`ll have a little task for you and you can name one for me. Who starts?”  


,,You start, boss...” Kevin answered. He had no idea what to make of it. He just hoped it wasn't his death sentence.  


,,Alright then... choose a number between one and 5.” The Joker smirked.  
  
Kevin had no idea if it was better to choose high or low so he went for intermediate.  
,,Three then.” He answered.  
  
,,Daring!” The Joker started to chuckle and tilted his head back while licking his metallic gritted teeth.  
,,Give me your gun and three bullets. Let`s do some Russian roulette..”  
  
Kevin`s eyes widened. This was madness. He stepped back with a fainted look on his face.  
  


The Joker glanced at him in false surprise.

,,You are backing out already? We are not even at five bullets yet my friend.”  
Kevin didn't even manage a single word anymore, he just swallowed hard.  


The Joker now removed his hands from his pocket and leaned against the kitchen counter.  
,,Of course you think I would back out too, right? Well... I don`t. And that is the difference between you,” he pointed with his gun towards Kevin, then back to him, ,,and me! See, I don`t mind the odds.”  
He loaded his revolver with three bullets, spun the cylinder and put the gun to his head.  


Someone in the back stood up, shouting: ,,This is madness, we have to stop him ...”  
But before he could finish his sentence, the Joker had fired the loaded revolver at him. The bullet went straight through his forehead and left a gaping hole.  
The Joker released a series of insane laughter as the man dropped to the floor.  


,,Lucky me, I guess.. and the odds increase,” he stated. Then, he spun the cylinder again, pointed the revolver back to his head and pulled the trigger.

 

The gun went off and for a split second it was completely quiet in the room. Without blinking, the Joker holstered his weapon and glared at each and every one standing in the room. They were eyeing him carefully.  
Sure, it had been a risk to pull that trigger. He could have died easily. But he always took risks. No one was as good as him, because everyone else was predictable. Fear, self preservation and affection were the three major things that made humans predictable. Being predictable meant loosing. Since he felt none of the above applied to him, he was superior to all others. They feared him and respected him not because of his words, but because of his actions. And his actions and thoughts were anything but predictable. Even though it might seem crazy to play Russian roulette with three bullets, if he had died, he wouldn't be able to care anymore anyways. Everything he had built was based on his idea, on him being invincible. None of his men would question him again, because there was no way anyone could win a battle against someone who didn't care about self preservation.

 

The Joker slowly went over to the couch, dropped into the soft pillows and turned his head towards the pale faces that were still staring at him.  
,,Kevin, get rid of the body and clean up the mess.” He ordered. Then, he addressed everyone else with a fake smile on his face.

,,Now that we clarified things, you guys can go back to whatever you have been doing.”

 

 

Frost had his troubles getting Harley out of the car by himself. Even though she wasn't heavy, it was difficult to grab her properly in order to get her through the car door. When he finally managed to pick her up beneath her legs, he carried her over to the elevator and pushed the button for the fourth floor. After a while Harley`s head dropped back and bounced up and down when the elevator came to a halt. The doors opened and Frost crossed the lobby to get through to the Joker`s apartment down the corridor. The men greeted him as he passed by but as soon as they spotted his strange cargo the look on their faces turned into question marks. Frost sure knew the feeling. This was anything but ordinary. Frost noticed the Joker, sitting on the couch, not even looking at him and the blood on the wall, it seemed fresh. Kevin and Fred were carrying someone away in a body bag. _Not again_ , was all he thought. But instead of asking, he just continued his way down the hallway and stopped in front of an old, washed-out wooden door with an engraved J. He removed one hand from underneath Harley`s legs and opened the door. Frost wasn't usually allowed to step foot inside the Joker`s room. The Joker valued his privacy and no one dared to disturb it. But since he had asked him to drop her off in here he saw no problem in going inside. The room was almost empty, except for a large king-sized bed and a dozen of city and building-plans pinned to the crumbling walls. Frost carefully placed Harley on the bed and thought about covering her with a blanket. But he decided against it. His boss could see it as a gesture of intimacy and he didn't want to risk that.  
So he left the room. He needed a beer, or a whisky, or a fucking drink that was able to black out these last few hours.

 

Harley dreamt of rivers and forests, but the rivers carried blood instead of water and the forests were made of legs and arms that grew out of the soil. So she was more than happy when she finally woke up and realized it wasn't actually real. Her eyes flickered open and she took a look around. She was spread out on a large bed with purple sheets and the room was almost empty and clearly had seen better times. But she couldn't quite grasp where she was nor what had happened. She massaged her forehead and tucked her wild hair back.  
Then, she remembered last night`s events; the motorcycle stunt, shooting a civilian, her dive into the chemicals, beating that man to death.... She decided her dream wasn't so far away from reality after all. But there were other things she remembered too. Their kiss in the chemical vat, having sex on that table and, the last thing she remembered before falling asleep; leaning on Mr.J`s shoulders outside in the dark. These moments were worth everything.  


Harley climbed out of the huge bed and paced around the room. She noticed two doors. Carefully, she opened the first one and realized that it opened into a small bathroom. There was an old shower with dirty shower-curtains, a toilet and a half-broken sink. Then she jumped at the sight of a pale face looking back at her in the mirror bathroom. For a second, she thought there was someone standing behind her, but then she realized that this white skin, bleached hair and those reddened eyes belonged to her. _I truly am different, inside and out_ , she thought. Of course she needed to get used to her appearance, but she didn't really mind her new look. It was easier that way. It would have been much more creepy if the old and dead Harleen-face had stared back at her. Harley quickly freshened herself up. Her dry lips felt awkward when she licked them and her bleached skin prickled. She was extremely thirsty, but considering the color of the water that was dripping from the tap, she decided she would go and look for another source.  


So she pushed open the second door and stepped out into a narrow corridor. Right in front of her was a small kitchen. _Bingo,_ she thought. There had to be bottled water somewhere. So she walked into the kitchen and went straight for the fridge. But before she could open it she felt the hair stand up on the back of her neck. Harley swiftly turned around and only now noticed eighteen eyes staring at her. She had been so thirsty that she hadn't noticed that there were others in the same room with her. And she just now realized that the oversized T-Shirt was all she was wearing, becoming awkwardly aware of her bare legs.  
She wasn't ashamed of herself, she liked her legs and she knew others thought her to be attractive. But she didn't resemble that person anymore and suddenly standing in a room with nine guys all staring at her barely clothed body wasn't what she called a successful introduction. Where was Mr.J? Where was Frost?  
Never mind. She was one of them and she belonged to Mr.J.  
Harley cleared her throat.  
,,Hi y`all!” She said and waved her hand while coquettishly tilting her head to the side.  
Nobody replied anything. But when Harley eyed the nine men she recognized the huge one who had been wearing the Panda costume the night of the breakout, and Kevin. She remembered him to be an asshole. But he didn't seem to recognize her.  
,,Hi Kevin, nice to see you again,” she warbled and hopped onto the kitchen counter.

 

He looked at her with confusion, before his eyes widened in shock.

,,YOU?!” He asked.  
  
,,Yup, it is lil`old me. I am Harley, by the way, just in case anyone wondered who I am.”

 

The others seemed to regain their constitution and their surprise changed into a mix of anger and desire. Anger, probably because she had turned up out of nowhere, behaving as if she belonged here and desire, well... she was half naked.  
One of the men stood up and stepped closer to her. Harley wasn't afraid, but she felt that he wasn't good news.

 

,,So you are the boss`new bitch,” he smirked, thereby showing off his black, rotten teeth.

 

Harley wanted to reply but she didn't really know what to answer. Because truth be told, she wasn't so sure what exactly it was, that she was to Mr.J.  
  
,,Nope, I am his girlfriend,” she replied self-consciously. But the ugly man just started laughing at her.

 

,,If you are his girlfriend then I am Santa! The Joker doesn't DO girlfriends, bitch, he only does sluts! And if you are a slut, then you are fair game!”  
  
Instead of realizing the danger she was in, Harley simply got angry. How dare he to make assumptions about Mr.J, how dare he to talk to her like that! She clenched her fists and narrowed her eyes.  
  
,,You wanna play, big guy?” she asked, hopping off the kitchen counter, grabbing a knife from the knife block, ,,let`s see who wins, the slut or the tough asshole!”

 

At first he was perplexed by her sudden outburst. This was definitely not the reaction he had expected. But instead of backing down, he got even more angry, because he felt humiliated.  
His face flushed red and he started to breath heavily. Then, without a warning, he attacked her by grabbing her hair and pushing her to the floor, kicking her legs and belly. She lashed out and tried to stab him with the knife, eventually managing to cut into his calf. He reacted with a short outcry of pain but then continued hitting her. She didn't cry or beg him to stop, she fought like crazy. But even though she was tough, he clearly had the upper hand. Harley became aware of her bruises and cuts on her back from the night before and she felt her body getting weaker with every hit she took. Nobody intervened, nobody helped her. But none of them helped him either. When the knife eventually slipped out of her hand, he threw himself on top of her with a dangerous look in his eyes.  
  
,,How about we see how good a whore you are?!” He asked, while unzipping his pants.  
  
In that same moment, the door popped open and Mr.J and Frost entered the lobby. The mean, ugly guy removed himself from her and jumped onto his legs, quickly zipping up his pants again.  
Even though Harley was in pain, she smiled internally. This wasn't going to end well for him.

 

,,What in the HELL is fucking happening here? Can`t I leave you alone for one fucking second without you guys making a goddamn mess? For FUCK`s sake!”  
The Joker stepped into the kitchen, glaring at the ugly man.  


,,Fred, is that how you treat my girl? Hmm?” He pulled his gun out of his pocket and waved it in front of Fred`s face.  
  
Fred wasn't so courageous anymore now, that the Joker was back.  
,,Sorry boss, we thought she was a prostitute...”  
  
The Joker raised his hands and scratched the back of his head. But it was a mere gesture of false reflection.  
,,I see... “ He stated. But he didn't seem pleased in the slightest.  
,,But it doesn't matter if she is a prostitute, a crack whore or a third grade teacher! What`s mine is mine. And YOU...,” He pointed his finger at everyone else, ,,...are not to touch her! Capiche?!”  
  
Fred nodded and swallowed.

 

,,What am I going to do with you? Hmm...?” He hissed at Fred through gritted teeth.  
But before he could take action, Frost interrupted them.  


,,Boss, we are already one man down,” he reminded the Joker. He didn't go so far as to actually suggest not to kill Fred, but maybe a subtle reminder was sufficient.  
  
The Joker didn't respond to Frost`s words but he knew he was right. Even though he would have loved to shoot that asshole who touched his property, his girl, he had to keep in mind the bigger picture. And Fred might have been a pervert and an asshole but he usually did what he was told. Still, when he looked at bleeding Harley on the floor, he decided there had to be some sort of punishment.  
  
,,Alright, Freddie, are you a righty or leftie?” He asked with a serious tone in his voice. Which was in great contrast to the condescending smile that twisted the corners of his mouth in a slight upward angle.  
  
Fred knew what that meant. Even though he was afraid of the pain that would follow, it was an easy escape, considering what happened to ,,Lucky”-Luke this morning.

,,I am right-handed.” He replied.  
  
The Joker wasn't entirely sure yet whether he should ask him to stretch out his right or left hand.  
,,Left hand, then.” He stated. And Fred stretched out his left hand.  
  
The Joker pointed his gun at his left hand, but then he lowered it. An evil look appeared in his eyes.  
,,On second thought... Harley, dear, would you hand me the knife?”  
  
Harley hadn't said anything during the past few minutes. She had just been observing the argument between her assaulter and Mr.J. She had hoped he would kill the pig, but she knew if he killed him the other men would probably be angry at her and hold a grudge. Which wasn't the best way to stay alive for a longer period of time. But she was pleased when Mr.J asked her for the knife. He deserved to suffer.  
So she lifted herself off the floor and handed him the knife.

He grabbed it.  
,,Frost, Kevin, hold his left arm down.”  
  
Fred knew there was no point in arguing about the punishment, he just hoped he wouldn't bleed out. Actually, he hoped to black out so he wouldn't have to experience the whole torture of loosing his left hand.  
He stretched out the required arm and Frost and Kevin fixated it on the kitchen counter. Frost had been so considerate to grab a towel and put it underneath Fred`s arm.  
The Joker shot him an annoyed look.

Frost shrugged.

,,It`s easier to clean up the mess afterwards...”

,,Whatever,” the Joker hissed.

 

Then he placed the knife about 5cm above the left hand on Fred`s wrist and started to cut. Harley couldn't decide what was nastier, the blood drooling out of the large wound or the screams of Fred who winced in agony. But by the time the Joker reached the bone, Fred had passed out.  
The procedure continued for a total of 30 minutes and the blood loss was quite impressive. So Frost decided to call their doctor. Since injuries happened at an almost daily basis they had several doctors on their pay role just for cases like those.  


The Joker was covered in blood and when he brushed his hair out of his face he smeared even more blood onto his forehead. Then he grabbed Harley by her arm and turned towards the silent crowd.  
,,This is Harley, she will stay with us, she is one of us, but most importantly, she is mine and mine alone. Nobody touches her, nobody insults her, nobody – and I mean NOBODY - is allowed to hit her, except for me. Fred was punished mildly because he didn't know what you know now. So, whenever something like this happens, rest assured you won`t just loose a hand. Understood?”  


Everyone nodded and then turned towards their poker game again. Harley stared at the reserved faces of the now eight remaining men and felt as if she had been introduced to a new class. Everyone despised her. Well, she was going to change that. All she had to do was to prove herself a worthy member of the group. But first and foremost, she would have to earn some respect and she would achieve that by learning how to fight. After all, she didn't want to be dependent on Mr.J to come to her rescue. Not only because he couldn't always be there but also, because she knew he would eventually get tired of defending her. And she hadn't come so far just to mess it up!

 


	17. Settling In

**CHAPTER 17** : Settling In

\---------------------------------------------

No matter how many deaths that I die, I will never forget  
No matter how many lives that I live, I will never regret  
There is a fire inside of this heart and a riot about to explode into flames

30 Seconds To Mars - Hurricane

  
When everyone had turned towards their game again, the Joker pulled Harley closer. His grip was brutal and her wrist hurt underneath his strong fingers, but that didn't matter. Their faces were only inches apart and she could feel his breath touching her ear, sending shivers down her spine. His eyes were black. She knew that look, she had seen it before. It was kind of awkward to be so close in front of everyone else, but the Joker didn't care about them. Before anything could happen, he pushed her away and brushed his hair out of his blood-smeared face.  
,,Go clean yourself up and put some clothes on! You`re just too damn distracting. Can`t blame the boys for staring when you`re walking around like that. I`ll come see you later.”  
He caressed her arm and then shoved her out of the kitchen towards the corridor.  
Harley stumbled and nearly fell but she managed to stay standing. She turned her head back towards him, making a pouting face, before she continued down the corridor and eventually disappeared into his – well, their- room.

 

Harley took off the T-shirt and stared at her naked body in the bathroom mirror. There were cuts and bruises all over her pale skin. Some more, others less serious. But they weren't appalling or ugly to her, on the contrary, she felt more like herself. Harley had abandoned all former standards of beauty, the only thing that counted for her now was to be with Mr.J and to make no compromise whatsoever when it came to her personality. She wouldn't bend nor twist herself to fit in or please society. Even though she looked nothing like old Harleen anymore, she still wanted to carry what she felt on the inside to the outside, she wanted the world to see whom she belonged with. Because she was proud of it. Proud of every change she had experienced, of everything she had endured. Maybe she would get a tattoo, or two, but not yet.  
With a sigh she opened the dirty shower curtains and stepped inside the seemingly medieval shower. She was surprised that there was even warm water and enjoyed the hot stream running down on her. It washed away all her concerns and calmed the pain of her sore and aching muscles. When she was done, she grabbed a towel and wrapped it around her wet body. The air was hot and steamy and the bathroom mirror was fogged. She shivered from the sudden change of temperature when she entered the bedroom.  
Where should she get some decent clothes from? It wasn't as if she possessed anything anymore. The moment she had chosen to chase after him, she had abandoned everything. So she rummaged through the drawers of an old commode standing next to the bed until she found a pair of jeans and a green T-shirt. Even though it was too big for her slim physique it didn't look too bad on her and it smelled of Mr.J. She tucked her wet hair back into ponytails and hopped onto the king-sized bed.

Would he come visit her now? Or how long did she have to wait? She was bored already and considered to go back to the lobby when the door opened.  
  
Mr.J entered the room. He was still covered in blood and it had formed red crusts on his green hair. Others would have called him frightening but she found it very attractive. It was like he was being himself, without all the fancy clothes, the sleek hair and golden jewelry. It reminded her that she had always liked the bad guys when they were fighting or blood-smeared in the movies.

The Joker noticed Harley sitting on his bed, legs crossed in front of her. She was wearing some of his clothes. It was weird seeing her like that. Frost needed to get her some clothes, maybe something more feminine. He still had to get used to having someone around him who actually got to glimpse behind the layers he wore on the outside, someone he let intentionally invade his privacy. No one really stepped foot into his room and sure as hell no one ever wore his clothes. He almost had to smile at the thought. He liked those ponytails on her. It made her look seemingly innocent, like a wolf in a sheep`s clothing. But he had to shower now. He wanted to finally realize his next ,,social experiment” with Gotham and needed to discuss his plans with Frost. No time for pleasure.

So he turned his back on her and disappeared into the bathroom.  
  
Harley watched as he closed the door behind him. That answered her question whether he wanted her to join. So she waited for a few minutes, until the thirst came back and she couldn't stand sitting around for another minute. Against his demand, she left the room and went back to the kitchen. Most of the guys had left the lobby. Only four were sitting in front of the TV, gaming some sort of video game. Kevin was among them and Frost sat on a barstool at the kitchen counter looking through some documents. Harley opened the fridge and could barely contain herself. All that was there were a few bottles of water, a large amount of beer and one cup of chocolate pudding with a J on it. When she tried to imagine Mr.J eating chocolate pudding she felt how her eyes teared up, it was just too hilarious. _Mr.Chocolate Pudding_ , she thought, and a silent laughter escaped her mouth. Then she grabbed one of the water bottles and sat next to Frost.  
,,Whatcha doin`?” She asked, letting her accent slip.  
Frost glanced at her in surprise. She looked a bit healthier now that she was cleaned up.  
  
,,Nothing you need to know.” He answered evasively.

Harley realized it was probably best not to push it. Frost was about the only one who didn't hate her and she could definitely use an ally in here.  
  
,,Alright,” she replied, ,,but I have another question. I want to get some combat training, you know, to keep up with the others, and I wondered who could teach me?”  
  
Frost raised his eyebrows at her. He didn't know what to think of her. She was like one big question mark. But it wasn't a bad idea to get some fighting experience. If the Joker really wanted to drag her along for his next heist it was definitely a lesser risk if she was capable to defend herself.  
  
,,I can teach you, or Kevin. He`s pretty good too. But I guess he won`t be volunteering for that job.”  
  
Harley thought about it. Even though she liked Frost much better than big-mouth Kevin, it would be the perfect opportunity to bond with him over some fighting lessons. And since he was clearly respected by everyone else, it could only be beneficial to her status as a legit member of the crew.  
  
,,Thanks Frost,” she replied, ,,But I`ll ask Kevin. Have to find some common ground, won`t I?”  
  
Frost understood what she meant. He had to admit, if it worked out, it would be quite an achievement.  
  
,,Sure thing, let me know if you need anything else.” Then he continued looking through his documents.  
  
Harley didn't know yet how to ask Kevin for his help. But when she recognized the video game as GTA 5, she had an idea.

,,Hey guys, I`m sorry to interrupt, I was just wondering if I could join?”  
  
Nobody offered her attention, so she tried it again.

 

,,I know you guys don`t like me but I could help you out.”  
  
It worked. They paused the game and Kevin shot her an angry glare.  
,,And what exactly is it that you want to ,,help” us with?”  
  
Harley smiled internally. She knew how it worked, thanks to several lessons she had gotten from Chad in her former life as Harleen. Only then she had found it to be boring.

,,You are trying to steal the Fighter Jet from Military ground, right? I know how you can avoid getting shot down or hit by a missile so you can safely fly it to wherever you want.”

 

Kevin wasn't convinced. The guys had been trying for some hours now and each time they managed to start the Jet they had at least four wanted-stars flashing and were immediately shot down before even reaching the sky. But if she wanted to embarrass herself, he wouldn't stand in her way.

 

,,Give it your best shot then,” he hissed at her.  
But Harley knew she had already one foot inside the door.  
,,Sure, hand me over the controller.”

  
Kevin handed it over but first he saved the game.

Harley rolled her eyes at him.

 

,,Not trusting me, eh?” She smirked.  
She hopped onto the couch between Kevin and the guy next to him who introduced himself as Swiftie-Joe. Harley grabbed the controller and hit play.  
Then she directed the player over to the private hangar the guys owned and picked a small plane. Kevin raised an eyebrow but didn't say anything.  
  
Harley knew, now was the time to make her move.  
,,Alright, if I manage to steal that Jet so you guys get to save it, then you train me so I can actually survive a body combat-situation.”  
Kevin almost bursted out into laughter. But since he was sure she wouldn't succeed at what she promised, he agreed and they sealed the deal.  
  
Harley steered the small airplane close enough over the Military base and then she let the dude jump out of the airplane with his parachute. Kevin seemed interested now, rather than angry. Apparently he hadn't thought of entering Military ground from the sky. She guided the player well enough so that he landed close to where the Jet was parked. And even though they could hear police sirens approaching, they did`t have more than two wanted-stars yet. She didn't waste any time and let him climb into the Jet and take off. But instead of flying high into the sky, she hugged the floor. Four wanted-stars were flashing and Kevin and the guys shouted at her to go up higher but Harley knew what she was doing and by flying so close to the floor she could avoid getting shot down and more easily escape the missiles so that they missed the Jet. Then, after a while, she lost the wanted-stars and directed the Jet towards the hangar. Now the guys were cheering and high-fiving each other. And when she parked the stolen Jet in the hangar she flashed a provoking smile at Kevin and hit the save button.

They were pretty impressed, she could tell. But it was hard for Kevin to admit that the new girl managed to accomplish what they had been trying for hours. But Kevin wasn't one to break promises.  
  
,,Ok, pretty impressive.” He stated.  
,,I`ll train you. But I won`t sugarcoat anything and I won`t go easy on you. I`ll train you like I`d train anyone else of this group and if you miss a lesson our deal is off, puppet.”  
  
Harley nodded in agreement.  
,,Sounds fair.”

  
It was only now that she noticed the additional eyes on her. She turned around and spotted Mr.J, who was observing her with narrow eyes. His hair was still wet from the shower and some loose strands fell into his face. Harley resisted the urge to get up and run her fingers through his hair.

,,Fraternizing already, are we?” He taunted.

Harley noticed the ambiguous tone in his voice. He seemed both pleased by her attempt to get along with the others and angry at her for getting friendly with someone else than him. It was the first time she realized that Mr.J was a jealous man. And it was deeply satisfying. But she didn't want to overplay her hand. So she hopped off the couch and took a seat at the kitchen counter.

 

,,We were just playing video games and Kevin agreed to teach me some fighting skills so I can take care of myself if I ever get in trouble.”  
  
The Joker eyed Kevin suspiciously, trying to find out whether it was his way of rebelling against him. But judging from the halfway convinced look on his face and the more than determined one on hers, it seemed that it truly had been Harley`s idea. Even though the Joker would have preferred if Frost had agreed to teach her, it was better that way. Because he needed Frost elsewhere.  
  
,,Alright. You do that. We`ll hit our next target in two weeks from now. I`ll go through the details with Frost and he`ll let you know about your individual assignments. If Harley is ready by then she can join. Anything to add?”

 

Harley realized it was probably not the best time to ask but her stomach was growling and she didn't dare eating Mr.J`s personal pudding.  
  
,,Can we go buy some groceries? I`d cook something for dinner.”  
  
The Joker still seemed somehow angry at her, but Harley couldn't quite figure out why.

 

,,Yeah, Frost can take you later. I need a word.”

Then he went back to his room and Harley followed him.  
  
As soon as she closed the door he shoved her against the wall, squeezing her throat. Her eyes widened in surprise upon the sudden attack. What did she do wrong?

 

,,Didn't I tell you to wait in here? Hmm..?” He chided her.

But Harley wiggled her way out of his squeeze.  
  
,,You did. But I was so thirsty and I got... bored. You clearly didn't want me to join you in the shower so I thought I might as well leave the room,” she pouted.

 

The Joker wasn't used to people talking back to him like that.

,,So you felt you weren't given enough attention? Grow up pumpkin, you`re nothing more than a distraction at the moment. If you can`t handle being told what to do, then leave.”

He taunted her with a mean smile as he continued, ,,Oh, that`s right, you have nowhere else to go. And you won`t leave because... ah yes.. you LOVE me.” He laughed, rolling his eyes at her.  
  
Old Harleen might have bursted out into tears, but not Harley. She knew he was just trying to teach her a lesson, to hurt her. It had to be hard for him to allow himself to care for someone else than himself.  
  
,,Yes, I do, and I won`t leave you, Mr.J. I am just trying to get along with the others. If you want me to take part and prove myself worthy then I`ll have to get along with Kevin and the rest.”  
  
The Joker knew that she was right. He just hated not being able to control her. He owned her, but she owned some part of him too. He wanted her here, he wanted her to stay. He just couldn't risk to show weakness in front of his men.  
He pulled up her chin and her eyes met his intense glance. Harley couldn't tell what it was that he was thinking, but the anger was gone.

He finally broke the silence.  
,,Baby, you`re tempting, even in those clothes.” He smirked and Harley was relieved upon the change of subject.  
,,I am hungry, but not so much anymore for food.” She replied coquettishly.

 

Again, he shoved her brutally against the wall, but this time with other intentions.

He grabbed her ponytail with one hand and her shoulder with the other when he pressed his lips against hers. She instantly parted her lips and returned the kiss. This was so much better than food. But when she tried to take off his shirt he grabbed her wrists and pulled them down. Then, he lifted one hand and wagged his long index finger at her.  
,,No time for that..” he tutted her.

Harley took advantage of the opportunity and lifted her one free hand to run her fingers through his hair. It felt even better than she had imagined.  
He raised his hairless eyebrow at her and Harley released a bright laughter.

Then she let go of him and he took a step back.  
  
,,Go get Frost and tell him to take you to the mall. But avoid getting seen. I don`t know if you've realized it, but you`re probably Miss most wanted at the moment.”  
  
She noticed the pride in his voice and she knew he was equally proud of himself as he was proud of her. After all, she was his creation.  
Harley just nodded but then she remembered something.

,,Where`s the baseball bat?” She asked. Somehow she wanted to keep it close, it made her feel invincible.  
,,It`s in my car, on the back seat, I knew you`d miss it.” He smirked.

Harley was relieved to hear that she didn't loose it at the scene, but she wasn't sure if she was allowed to retrieve it from his car by herself. So she decided to change subject and ask him sometime later.

,,So, you`re trusting me, with Frost?” She asked, curious about whether he had some kind of doubts about her loyalty.  
  
,,I am trusting Frost with you.” He replied.  
,,Even though you are part of the group now, you haven`t earned my trust yet,” he paused, ,,But I know what you`re capable of, and I believe you have a lot of potential, pumpkin.”  
  
Harley was slightly disappointed but she understood his reasons. There was one thing though that she needed to clarify.

 

,,Who do I answer to? If I am part of the group and not yet trustworthy, does that mean I answer to Frost and Kevin?”

The Joker`s fingers twitched as he tried to conceal his contempt for Kevin. Maybe dear Kevin would end up as a casualty of the next heist.  
,,No, you answer to me, and only me. Yes, you are new, but you have a special position among the group members, because you are mine. If anything happens, you come to me. If anyone tries something, you come to me. If you mess up,” he moved closer, ,, I`ll be the one to punish you...” He gently caressed her cheek but his eyes told another story.

Harley definitely didn't want to find out what kind of punishment he had in store for her if she ever disappointed him. So she wasn't going to.  
,,I won`t mess up, I promise!”  
,,I hope so...” was all he said.

 

Then he left the room. Harley took a moment to catch her breath, then she followed him. When she reached the lobby, she observed Mr.J giving Frost some orders. Frost just nodded. The Joker signaled Harley to come closer.  
  
,,Alright, Frost will take you to the mall. But you`ll be back by five, before dark. Can`t risk you having a run-in with Batsy,” he stated, then added , ,,yet.”  
,,Understood,” she replied. Then she joined Frost in the elevator and waved goodbye. But Mr.J had already left the lobby.

 

When Harley took a seat in the black van, Frost gave her a black velvet blindfold.  
,,Put it on, boss`orders, not mine.”  
  
Harley did as she was told and sighed. _It sucks not to be trusted_ , she thought.

 

For the first few minutes of the drive, Harley had remained silent. But she hated awkward silence.  
  
,,You know, I wouldn't tell anyone where you are hiding.”  
She heard Frost laughing. Something she couldn't recall ever having heard before.

,,The fact that you say ,,you” instead of ,,we” is proof enough that you are not yet one of us.”

,,I won`t ever leave Mr.J!” she stated matter-of-factly.  
  
,,You know, that is something I don`t really understand. But I am not new in this business and I have been serving under the Joker for quite some time now. If I learned something it is not to ask questions and not to second-guess things. But you`ll have to understand that for most of us it is weird having a female in the group who is new and yet superior to everyone else.”

 

Harley completely understood. She didn't intend to undermine anyone`s authority.  
,,I know. It`s just as new to me as it is to you. I`m trying to establish my place without causing too much trouble. That is why I asked Kevin instead of you.”  
  
Even though she couldn't see Frost`s face, she could have sworn he just smiled.  
,,Yes, I noticed. Smart move by the way.”  
  
Now it was Harley`s turn to smile. She liked Frost. He was loyal, calm, mostly fair and honest. It was easy to be around him. Nothing compared to the Joker. But not knowing what was going to happen next was part of what made her addicted to him. She never wanted easy, she wanted to be free. And now that she was, she would never, ever, give that up again.

 

They kept quiet for the rest of the drive and when they finally arrived at the mall and Harley got to remove the blindfold, she first had to get used to the light again.  
The mall wasn't that large and she had never been there before. It made her realize that they were probably located far outside of Gotham Central. But she didn't care where she was, she had no intention of escaping or telling anyone anyways.

  
When they made their way inside and all the different smells hit her nose she noticed how famined she was. She hadn't eaten in almost a day. She picked up some legumes, salad, pasta and sauces, as well as some soft-drinks like grape soda, her favorite. She wasn't all that into beer. Frost just held the shopping bag with admirable patience as she walked along the rows of food. It had been silly to think anyone could recognize her like that. She didn't look like Harleen Quinzel. No one who didn't know her could have guessed that this girl in her baggy clothes and with her extremely tall (apparent) boyfriend was actually the missing psychologist.  
So they got into no trouble in the mall and when they finally arrived back at the van, Harley couldn't stop herself from opening a grape soda. On the way back she couldn't drink anymore because she had to wear the blindfold again.

 

,,I love him, you know.” Harley stated out of nowhere. She heard Frost shifting uncomfortably in his seat. This wasn't a topic he wanted to discuss. But that didn't stop Harley from continuing.  
,,Do you think he loves me?”  
  
Frost didn't have much of a soft inside but he knew to what lengths she went to be with him, so he figured he had to say something.  
,,I guess he loves you however much he is capable of loving someone. You saw what happened to Fred. Just don`t push him too far. He`s changed ever since he met you in that loony bin. Don`t be offended but it`s not good for business. He is even more unpredictable than usual.”

  
Harley nodded and sighed. It seemed like forever-ago that she had met him for the first time.  
,,I can`t change what happened and I don`t want to.”

Then, suddenly, she bursted out into crazy laughter, trying to elbow Frost but missing him by inches.

,,Haha, deep shit we`re talkin` here.” She smiled. It didn't truly reach her eyes, but there was no way Frost could have noticed, with her wearing a blindfold.

 

 

 

_  
_

 


	18. Puddin`?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I am truly sorry about letting you wait for so long. I really had a lot on my mind with studying and my family, so I had no time to write something else than my assignments. Here`s the newest chapter and I hope you guys enjoy it. I will be posting more regularly (about once a week or twice a week) so I hope you still check up on the progress of my story. I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas and started well into the New Year 2017.

**CHAPTER** **18** : Puddin`?

\----------------------------------------------

Now if he made you cry, oh, I gotta know,  
If he’s not ready to die, he best prepare for it.  
  
John Legend – Who Did That To You?

 

Harley sat in the car, still blindfolded and left to her thoughts. Even though she tried to appear happy and carefree, she was in fact a mess. She might have lost her good conscious and gotten rid of her regrets but it didn't mean that her feelings had gone too. They were bubbling underneath the smooth surface and shooting around in her nervous system like tiny fireworks. This multi-flavored emotional cocktail was causing her terrible mood swings, oscillating from happily in love over murderously angry to jealous and sad. She wished she could talk to Frost but Harley didn't want to share more than she already had. It could compromise Frost`s integrity and she didn't plan on interfering in any way with Mr.J`s intentions by getting a bit too close to his most loyal man.  
So instead, she just kept quiet and tried to calm down her inner self. But her thoughts trailed off towards long lost childhood memories.

It was almost as if every barrier in her brain had been broken down and all her thoughts and memories were floating around without purpose. She remembered how her alter ego`s mother, Harleen`s mother, hadn't attended her first gymnastics competition because she had been getting a pedicure. She remembered how her father was always drunk and never defended her against her controlling, yet ignorant mother. This girl, Harleen, was pathetic and now she was dead. But Harley wished her memories had died with her. A sigh escaped her mouth and when she swallowed her saliva it tasted like grape soda.  
Harley sat back and imagined a white canvas, painting it black with large strokes. It was soothing. The darkness wasn't scary, it was comforting.

 

 

As soon as Harley and Frost had arrived back at the hide-out, Harley had started preparing some pasta with broccoli and cheese. It was nothing special but the guys apparently liked it, since they ate it all up until there was nothing left. Mr.J however did not grace them with his presence and Harley had been a little disappointed about it. It seemed he had more important things on his mind and she didn't like that. Not one bit. So right after dinner, she checked their bedroom but he wasn't in there either. She wondered if she should ask Frost but decided against it. She didn't want to seem too clingy. Instead, she asked Kevin when he planned to start with their training lessons.

,,Hi, Kev? Can I call you Kev? When do we start with the training lessons?”  
  
Kevin looked up. He was trying to appear annoyed but it seemed fake. Maybe he really started to like her.  
,,We start tomorrow. Half an hour after breakfast. Don`t eat too much but you have to eat something, otherwise you`ll be dead by noon. And you can call me whatever you want, I don`t care.”  
  
Harley giggled. That wasn`t too smart of him.  
,,So, goat-head is fine too?”

She glanced at him provokingly.

 

,,Just shut up...” He tossed back at her and continued his poker game.

  
Harley hopped back onto the barstool and her mood lightened up. She was excited! Finally she would learn some decent fighting skills. Bashing people`s heads in might be easy if they were helpless, but if they fought back she had to be prepared. She wanted to show Mr.J that she wasn't just his play-toy. She wanted to be one of them, a group member, a henchman. No, a henchwoman. And therefore it was crucial for Harley to be able to take care of herself. And she needed to make herself invaluable to the team. Cooking dinner had proven to be a well appreciated task, maybe cleaning up would do so too.

Harley collected and cleaned up the dishes when suddenly, she heard footsteps approaching. At first she expected Mr.J.   
_Finally_ , she thought, and the edges of her mouth twitched upwards, but when she turned around it was Fred who was staring at her.  
She didn't really know what to say. On one hand, he had attacked and insulted her, on the other hand, she indirectly had caused him to loose a hand. She expected him to blame her, maybe to even shout at her, but he just stood there. His face was blank and he looked odd with the stump on one arm. He was pale, too. _He must have lost a lot of blood_. Just when she was about to tease him in order to break the awkward silence, he finally spoke up.

 

,,I am sorry I called you a whore. And I am also sorry that I attacked you and beat you...”  
  
He looked at her and she could tell it cost him a lot of nerves to admit his mistake. She couldn't quite tell if he meant it and she wasn't sure about whether she should accept it or not.

The little devil inside of her wanted to reply something mean. She was itching to break some jokes about his lost hand. But she wasn't so dumb to risk another argument. She even felt a little bit sorry for him, when she detected the heavy and soaked bandages around his stump on his left arm and instantly wondered who had cleaned up the kitchen and had gotten rid of all that blood. And...what happened to his hand?   
But now was not the right time to ask about the whereabouts of the hand he had lost because of her. She needed to make a decision about whether to strike or give him a pass. He was a pig, he had intended to rape her, just like the pig she had killed. Only this pig was one of Mr.J`s flock. And even though he didn't seem to care much about their health or lives for that matter, he was very possessive and she could easily imagine that he wouldn't be pleased if she got too annoying.  
_Fly under the radar, Harls,_ she reminded herself _, don`t be stupid. You need them to like you._  
She swallowed her disgust and all the silly jokes about karma and even faked a smile.

  
,,Well, I accept your apology.” Was all she said. In truth, it was all she could say without bursting into laughter. Hopefully he hadn`t picked up on her true feelings.

Harley honestly didn't think it was her fault that he had lost the hand, it had been a consequence of his mistake, she could hardly be blamed for that. For a second, she thought he would demand an apology from her too, but then he just nodded and joined the other guys in their poker game. Harley smirked. Slowly but surely, she mingled her way into the group.

 

 

In the meantime, Frost had gone looking for his boss. The Joker was always so secretive and preferred to stay away from the crowd. He loathed the other guys even if they were too stupid to notice. Sure, sometimes he joined a poker game but no one was at ease if he had his long fingers in the game. Everyone was afraid of winning. At least the newcomers were. The older ones – well, those who survived that long – knew, that Mr.J was a terrific poker player. Maybe insanity was the perfect mask, the ultimate poker face. You can`t tell if someone`s bluffing if you don`t know their baseline. And the Joker simply had none. If someone had no tell, or so many that one couldn't possibly know what they meant, then one is simply lost. But now, he wasn't playing poker with the guys. In fact, he had been gone for quite a while now.  
  
Frost had picked up on Harley`s impatience. He understood that it had to be hard joining a group full of sexually deprived criminal guys. But she couldn't always rely on the boss to pick her fights. Now, she was obviously trying to get inside the holy circle by graciously tricking Kevin into training her. Frost had to admit, it had been quite the move. Also, the cooking was marvelous and no one would argue that this place could use a female touch. But with Fred alive and missing one hand – even after his apology – there was still that unresolved anger buzzing in the air. Weirdly though, not the anger Fred harbored against Harley, but the anger she apparently felt in his presence. Fred most likely hadn't realized Harley`s true intentions, he wasn't the brightest. But Frost feared Harley might get her wish and have him killed. It would stir up quite the trouble. And he had had about enough of it in the past few days. Frost wasn't one to complain. No, he took things as they came. But Harley wasn't a thing, she was a force - and a destructive one at that. Weirdly though, he liked her. But she reminded him of the Joker, just with feelings.  
Frost didn`t doubt that his boss liked Harley, he just knew that Harley had a deeper range of emotions and that was not an advantage.  
  
But he couldn't worry about any of this now. He had to worry about himself. He had to see the Joker and discuss his most recent plans. This was his job, his life, and he took it seriously. So he knocked on the bedroom door. No one answered. So he continued his search. There was only one place the Joker could be then.

  
Frost walked down the hallway and – without knocking - joined his boss in his office. It was the last room on the corridor and no one ever entered it except for the Joker and Frost. It was a small room with no windows and a red stained carpet on the floor. Neither cosy nor well equipped, but that didn`t seem to bother his boss in the slightest. The Joker was sitting at his wooden desk, bent over some blueprints. He seemed completely absorbed by whatever devious plan he was cooking up.

Frost cleared his throat to gain his attention.

No reaction.  


,,Hm-hm....,” Frost tried again.   
The Joker simply signaled him to move closer and Frost obliged.  
  
,,So, boss, what`s our next target?”  
  
The Joker turned his head.  
  
  
_Those evil eyes_ , Frost thought. He never had gotten used to the state of mind below all the insanity. It was the state of pure emptiness. In those times, the Joker`s eyes appeared to be black holes, sucking in whatever decent thought was left in his oponent. Frost instantly lowered his gaze when his boss started talking.  
  
,,Well, we are going to rob a bank.”  
He grinned at him with his teeth flashing.  


Frost wasn't too concerned. Robbery was somehow one of the more routine things. He wasn't worried about the bank job, he was worried about what his boss had planned BESIDES the bank job. But he probably wouldn't share that yet. So instead, Frost went with protocol.  
  
,,Which bank?” He asked, trying to get a glimpse of the blueprints that were laid out in front of him.   
  
The Joker grunted displeased.  
,,Not sure yet. It dependssss.....”

He sunk back into his chair, rubbing his forehead with the long fingers of his right hand. His black eyes wandered off and Frost could tell that he was relishing a most likely deeply disturbing thought. The Joker definitely seemed to be brooding over something else than just money, but Frost knew to avoid the ,,Why” or ,,What” questions.  
The Joker was sometimes like a child. Ask for something and you would get the opposite, don`t ask and you`d get an answer. 

 

,,You know, Frost, I am planning a little... uhmm... social experiment with our fellow citizens of Gotham. As for the location... we have several banks to choose from but only one fits my purposes. I just don`t know which one yet. The most important thing is to delay police response and to have a smooth getaway plan. We need a distraction. I would suggest some sort of decoy but our group is small enough as it is...”

 

Frost nodded. He knew what he meant. Loosing another member of the group just because of a distraction was a complete waste.

,,How about an explosion? Maybe something like a metro station? It would surely work as a decoy and we could use a remote detonator.”  
  
The Joker swiftly turned around in his chair and faced Frost with his hands crossed on his legs.

,,Good thinking, Frost. But we won`t let anyone in on this, I don`t trust those... rats.”  
He snorted.

,,I`d like to broadcast the events that will unfold in the bank on a widescreen. And I want Harley there... I hope she`ll be ready for her first appearance on screen.”

The Joker chuckled, thinking about all sorts of nasty ways this ,,social experiment” could go down. _Too many possibilities_ , he thought. He needed some alone-time to think about the What, How and Where...

Annoyed by the presence of another human being, he waved Frost to leave the room and supported his gesture with a dismissive ,,Now, get out!”  


Frost gladly obeyed. He didn't want to know what kind of experiment his sick mind was giving birth to. He would find out soon enough.

  
  
  
  
It had gotten really dark outside and Harley was tired. After she had finished cleaning the dishes she had said her ,,good night”s to the guys and left for the bedroom. But Mr.J wasn't there. It was more than just disappointment that she felt, it was painful, as if someone had stabbed her right through her filthy black heart. Feelings were a stupid thing and yet, it was feelings that brought her here. And she wouldn't have it any other way.  
At first she had considered snooping around, but there wasn't much snooping she could do in here. The room was bleak. Harley stripped down to her underwear and paced up and down the room. She didn't like to be alone. Being alone nourished Harleen`s ghost that was somehow still haunting her thoughts. All those stupid memories, all these silly little situations of the everyday normal life. Harley shook it off and forced herself to think about something else. Her thoughts trailed off to Gotham and the mess she had left behind. Surely Batman and Gordon were already on to her. But this actually lifted her mood and cheered her up. In fact, it made her proud.   
She had never been noticed before for her actions. She had been the girl who got everything because she was good looking. At least that was what everyone had thought. Stupid people. They only ever saw her facade, never her true self.

Oddly, she wished her mother could see her like this. Oh that sweet expression of utter disgust, fear and regret. Even just imagining it pleased her in a way only someone with a mean mind was capable of.   
  
But she would rather share the thoughts of her mean mind with the evil mind of someone else. Of a specific someone else. The someone else she didn't seem to be able to find. She would have pouted, but with no one around, there was no sense in causing a scene. So instead, she opened the drawer, took out one of his shirts, hopped onto the bed and covered herself with the sheets. With his smell so close to her, she was finally able to fall asleep.  
  
Harley had had many weird dreams in her life. Some of them violent, others frightening, even some erotic ones. But this one was plain weird.

She was lying on a sofa. Mr.J was right beside her, having one arm firmly wrapped around her shoulders. It seemed like a normal lazy Sunday for a couple. But everything about the scenery was off. His hair wasn't green but brown, all his tattoos were gone and his teeth were completely intact. Now, that wasn't something to throw her off, but what really made her laugh, even in a dream, even while not realizing that it actually was a dream, was that he was holding a huge cup of pudding in his other hand. The sight of such a trivial everyday behavior was more than just funny. It was downright absurd. Laughter escaped her lips and she asked him ,,Puddin`? Seriously?”. But before he could answer the dream changed. The lights went out and she was alone on the sofa. The temperature dropped and everything turned quiet. She hated to be alone. It was painful.

 

 

The Joker hadn't forgotten about Harley, he simply had more urgent things to attend to. Business and plans for Gotham`s fair citizens were his first priority now. Harley just had to cope with that. When he finally left and locked his office, the ticking old clock in the hallway showed 12 past 2. Fairly late. In fact, he was tired. All these escapades with Fred and Kevin had required patience and a sense of reason he didn't have. If he had had his way, Fred and Kevin would both be dead by now. But reasonable Frost managed to talk him out of it without actually criticizing him. One of Frost`s many annoying qualities. But Frost knew his place. At least one of his henchmen did. The Joker walked down the hallway into the kitchen. But the lobby was deserted. Everyone was probably fast asleep. And quite truthfully, all he wanted to do now was to go to bed. But just as he opened the door to his bedroom it dawned on him that his bed wasn't just his anymore. The room was dark, all lights were out and the air was somewhat heavy. He could hear the rhythmic breaths she took before he actually saw her. But when his eyes got used to the darkness he spotted her. There she was, in his bed, wrapped up in the sheets and apparently with one of his shirts. She seemed so calm.

He liked watching her like that, even though some part of him wanted to shove her out of his bed and take her place with about the same amount of consideration. But he didn't. Instead, he stepped closer. She was spread all across the bed and was mumbling in her sleep. Harley was a special creature. Whatever traits he hated in every other human being, he seemed to enjoy in her. Maybe because she was nearly as deranged and mentally disturbed as him. Or maybe, it was because she knew just how disturbed he was and she loved him because of it and not despite of it.  
  
Love was a concept he knew in theory but just didn't understand. It was like explaining colors to a blind man. The bind man could name them, tell them apart by their characteristics, but he would never be able to see them. It was the same with the Joker`s feelings. He knew what they were and how they affected people, but he never experienced them on himself. Sure, he felt drawn to her. He was intrigued and intoxicated by her presence and her belief in him. For someone so selfish like him, the plain admiration she offered was like a drug. And despite everything. Despite the desire to grab her leg and pull her out of the bed, kicking her onto the streets, and watching her scream and cry, he knew he actually preferred her sleeping in peace right here in his bed.  
Without wasting another thought on how she might have changed him, he sat down at her side and carefully pushed her to the other side of the bed, trying not to wake her. Maybe because he wanted to avoid her rambling on about why he woke her up, but most likely that wasn't the reason.

Just when he touched her arm, she shivered and the mumbling grew louder. It became so clear that for a moment, he thought she was awake. A happy smile spread across her face and she whispered the words while chuckling loudly.   
,,Puddin`? Seriously?”.  
  
The Joker was so surprised about those two words that he almost started laughing himself. What did she just call him? Puddin`? He wondered about the context. What kind of dream was she having?   
There he was, in his own bed, not being able to take what was his because of a sleep-talking woman. 

He made a quiet ,,sssssss” sound with his tongue, chiding her about putting him in such an awkward position. This situation had become more than weird.  
How could he find sleep now? He wasn't used to having another heat radiating body lying right beside him. It seemed like he was never alone. No single moment to himself anymore. He was tempted just leaving her there and choosing the couch in the living room, but then he noticed how her body language had changed. She seemed to shiver and her face was a mask of pain. it was beautiful, but somehow not as satisfying as usual. Carefully, he extended one arm and traced his thumb down her cheek and placed his hand on her shoulder. Instantly, her breath became more regular again and the shivers stopped. He was surprised by her reaction. It was more than just comfort, she probably felt safe. What irony! But he didn`t take his hand away. He just closed his eyes and listened. Harley`s quiet and rhythmic breaths somehow soothed his conflicted mind. And then, his hand still resting on her shoulder, he finally fell asleep too.

 


	19. Training Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter focuses on the first training lesson with Kevin. The next one will be a little fast forward and will most likely include the bank job (the ,,social experiment") and some more perspectives of cops and especially James Gordon. I can tell you already, the next one will be very long and quite... interesting :D

**CHAPTER 19** : Training Day  
\-----------------------------------------------------

I sat alone, in bed 'til the morning  
I'm crying, "They're coming for me."  
And I tried to hold these secrets inside me  
My mind's like a deadly disease  
  
Halsey - Control

 

James Gordon was sorting through his papers. Again, it had gotten so late, that he was the last one left in the precinct but this time, the lights were still burning. He had checked every piece of evidence from the crime scene, looked through every complaint, followed up every called in license plate for signs of the fugitives. Nothing. Fuckin nothing at all. This was more than just simple bad luck and Gordon was growing suspicious. He hadn't heard from Batman ever since he had called on him and now there was silence. No sign of Harleen either. It was as if she and the Joker had simply vanished from the face of the earth. Of course the problem was not that nothing happened. In fact, the harmony in the city pleased most of his colleagues. But not him. No, his stomach ache hadn't gone away and he knew better than to ignore it. Something told him that this was just the silence before the storm, the eye of the hurricane. He knew it, he could almost feel the tension materialize in the air. Something was about to happen. The clown prince of crime and his deranged psychologist were up to something. He couldn't be deceived. No, he would stay alert, he was expecting something and that gave him an advantage.  James Gordon wouldn't trust that silence, even if everyone else decided to ignore the facts and hope for the best. He would be ready!

 

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

When Harley woke up she was alone. But the mold in the mattress next to her was proof that Mr.J had been sleeping next to her. She stretched out her arms and released a tired moan. Harley wished he had woken her up when he had come to bed but there was no use in being disappointed now. It was childish of her. At least he had slept in the same bed. She knew, she was a huge liability. Everyone was out looking for her and it couldn't be easy for Mr.J to deal with that too. She sat up slowly and tried to mentally recount everything that had happened in the past few days. But the overflow of weird colorful impressions and the previous experience of abhorrent physical pain was like an obstruction in her memory palace that kept her from looking too far into the past. It was probably best that way. 

She smiled. Harley was happy. It wasn't the same kind of happiness other people experienced. Rather a slight glimpse into another much more colorful world and the relief of freedom. The blessing of partial insanity, she figured. She didn't bother the consequences. Then, suddenly, she remembered her odd dream and started to giggle. This dream had clearly been one of the weirdest she had been having in a long time. Harley hopped off the large bed and felt the soft stained carpet under her feet. She screened the room with her still sleepy eyes. That was when she noticed that the bathroom door was closed and she noticed the sound of rushing water from behind the door. Apparently, Mr.J hadn't left yet and was simply having a shower. For a moment she wasn't sure what to do. But then she climbed back into the large bed and crawled under the sheets. She felt like a kid hiding from school in the morning. One of her fiercely banished childhood memories slipped through the tightly guarded barrier in her mind and surfaced just long enough into her conscious mind to maker her feel lost. But then the water stopped dripping and every thought about her screwed up childhood vanished into thin air. 

Before she could decide what to do, the door swung open and Mr.J was stepping out of the steamy little room with just a towel wrapped around his hips. 

He didn't even notice her at first and was clearly lost in thoughts staring at the crumbling wallpaper. But when he turned his face towards the bed, Harley slipped a sleepy ,,good morning". 

He cocked his head to the side and observed her for a while, as if he was innerly torn about her presence in this room, in his bed. But Harley was sure that she saw a faint smile that twisted the edges of his mouth for a split second. 

Then he stepped closer and Harley spotted a mocking glimmer in his piercing eyes.

,,You talked in your sleep."

Now Harley was sure that he was amused. She was happy that he was in a good mood. But it left her wondering what it was that she had said in her sleep, that was cause for such amusement. She sat upright, threw away the sheets and let her feet dangle from the bedside. 

,,I did?" She asked teasingly. Grinning at him. She could tease too.

,,What did I say then?" She asked, half mocking, half embarrassed. 

 

,,Well, I believe you called me ,,Puddin'..."

He narrowed his eyes to observe her reaction. 

 

 _Damn, Harls you're stupid, why do you have to talk in your sleep. And if we're at it, why do you dream such weird stuff?,_ she thought to herself. But at the same time she found it funny that obviously he was so interested in her reply that he needed to examine her this closely. 

 

,,Uhmm... I did?" She shrugged and smiled. ,,Must be because you have this chocolate pudding in the fridge. Also, as a child I loved chocolate pudding so I guess I made a connection."

Of course he would think it was stupid, who else came up with something like that? But he didn't laugh, instead he seemed to be seriously considering her answer.

 

,,It is a weird nickname for sure, and usually I do not like if anyone calls me something else than Joker. You, my dear are the exception." He smiled at her with an almost caring expression. But she wasn't fooled. It bothered him. Then the smile on his face faded away and he picked up his response. 

,,Although I don't really mind it, I am feeling it might be cause for my guys to have a good laugh and to undermine my authority..."

 

He made a break and Harley wanted to stand up, interrupt and apologize for her stupidity but he held up his hand and signaled her to be silent. She couldn't tell where this was going. So she sat back onto the bed and kept quiet. 

 

,,You can use it if you want to. I'll deal with the guys. Your value to me is different than the value of others."

 

Harley exhaled. He wasn't angry, that was a relief. He was still reluctant to admit an emotional connection to her, but that was fine. She knew her place. 

 

And as if to seal the deal, she replied ,,Sure, Puddin'!" and offered him a huge, mocking smile, before she slipped out of bed and made her way into the kitchen. After all, she had her first training lesson today and she wasn't going to be late for it. 

 

When Harley made it into the kitchen, a large pile of dirty dishes blocked the sink. Apparently, the guys had already eaten.  _A shame_ , she thought. Then she heated up some water to make coffee for her and Mr.J. When it was boiling, she poured the steaming liquid over a filter with coffee powder and then prepared two unused mugs. Just when she took a seat at the table, Mr.J appeared in the kitchen, fully clothed but with still wet green hair. She wondered whether he was dying his hair that way or if it was simply growing like this ever since his run in with batman. 

 

,,I made ya some coffee," Harley mentioned and placed the mug in front of him. 

 

He was eyeing it with an absentminded look on his face. He was somewhere else again. Then, he refocused on her. 

,,Would you like to help me and Frost with the bank job?" 

He asked out of nowhere. Harley coughed up some coffee before she threw herself at him ,,Yes! Yes! I'd like that very much!" 

 

The Joker shoved her away forcefully, obviously he wasn't in the mood for cuddling. 

He had thought about letting her in on the whole plan, but decided against it. Not because he didn't trust her - even though he would never admit it but he trusted her ever since she had taken that leap - no, it was because the less she knew the better. There was still a faint possibility that Batman found their hide-out and if he got to grab Harley, he knew he would eventually succeed at getting the information he needed. He hated Batman but he didn't make the mistake of underestimating his enemy. So he decided upon telling her only about her part in the game he liked to call ,exposing the truth'. 

 

,,Alright, I'll let you know about your part when you're ready with your training. I believe Kevin is waiting for you downstairs."

 

He despised that little twat but he would deal with him soon enough. For now, he had a role to play. He needed Harley ready to fight. 

 

Harley emptied her cup in one go once it was cool enough and jumped to her feet. 

 

,,Alright, see you later Puddin'?" 

 

He winked and flashed his grill. 

,,You bet! Don't disappoint me Harley. I know you've got skills. Don't be afraid to use them. It's not abour fighting fair, it's about beating your opponent. Never forget that." 

 

Then he disappeared into the corridor leading away from the kitchen and Harley walked to the elevator on the opposite side of the place. When she pushed the button for the third floor, her heart started racing. It wasn't just training, it was her initiation.  _No pressure, Harley, it will be fine_ , she told herself. But she wasn't too sure about it. 

 

  
When Harley arrived at the third level, Frost was already waiting for her next to the elevator. He seemed somehow nervous, impatient...he probably had other things to do and Mr.J was expecting him. But she could only tell because she had gotten to know him a little better. Someone else wouldn't have picked up on it. 

When she greeted him with a short nod, he tossed her a black duffle bag. 

 

,,Those are your training clothes. Put them on, Kevin is getting impatient."

 

Harley sighed audibly and rolled her eyes at Frost. Clearly, he was in a bad mood, but that didn't mean that he needed to drag her down too. 

 

,,Yeah yeah, alright." 

 

She scowled and followed his orders. She slipped out of her T-shirt and shorts and then put on the tight leggings and black top she found in the bag. She smiled, it reminded her of a Ninja costume. While she was changing, Frost just stared into nowhere, but she knew he tried to look anywhere but at her. It amused her. Teasing people was so much fun. She wondered how she had been able to live such a long time without noticing how much pleasure she gained from annoying and teasing other people. But she knew it was rather contra productive to vex Frost. After all, she kind of like him.

When she was done changing, she cleared her throat. 

,,Alright," Frost said, then he continued down the hallway and signaled her to follow. 

 

,,Where are we going?" Harley asked and hopped up and down like a child on its way to school. Her pigtails wiped forth and back. 

Frost didn't say anything. He wasn't even irritated by her strange behavior. Apparently he had already grown accustomed to people behaving strangely. He probably had to, considering that he was Mr.J's right hand. 

 

Then, they arrived at the end of the corridor and Frost pushed open an old reinforced steel door. The room was huge. It once must have been an office with cubicles but now it was deserted and the floor was covered in linoleum. Rubber mats were laid out on the floor and several handles and balls were scattered in the left corner. There were several benches arranged along the wall and the guys had taken a seat, so that the set-up resembled an arena. How ironic to think of gladiators sparring in the midst. Soon enough she would be defending herself there against Kevin. She didn't feel comfortable, knowing that they would be observing her. She wasn't some show attraction for their amusement. But it would do her no good to complain, she would just have to deal with it. 

 

Kevin was causally leaning against the wall. He was wearing a gray T-shirt and black sports trousers. He looked quite fashionable in it and it was the first time Harley realized that he was well trained. Fred was there too, sitting on a bench with his one arm still bandaged, eagerly chatting with another guy. Harley didn't know what to do, so she just said ,,Hi y'all. How's it goin'?"

Some of them replied, others just grinned mischievously. Then, Kevin stepped forward into the room and measured her from top to bottom, screening her body. It wasn't with sexual intention, it was simply as if he was examining the goods to get an idea what he was dealing with. She didn't feel uncomfortable. Harley liked her body and she wasn't untrained herself. Thanks to her gymnastics, she was still quite flexible and toned.

When Kevin was done, he addressed the others, ,,Alright, Harley and me will start training now. All of you.. out!”

There was some rambling and complaining but no one moved. Apparently, even though they respected Kevin, they didn't take orders from him. Then, another voice continued, ,,out … NOW!”

 

Harley swiftly turned around and recognized the voice to be Frost's. Everyone quickly stood up and left the room. Even though Frost was mostly busy with other tasks or scheming with the Joker, he was quite respected, even feared by the rest of the crew. No one dared to question his order. After all, he was the right hand of the boss.

  
Harley was relieved when they left and mumbled an embarrassed ,,Thank you” and Frost replied with a courteous nod. She would have preferred to handle things herself, but most likely her words would have had even less impact than Kevin's. When everybody was out, Frost left too and closed the door behind him, leaving her alone with crazy goat-head Kevin. But the more she got to know him, the more she was convinced that he wasn't crazy, even if he had appeared so when they had been attacking the Asylum. He was simply a sadist and craving for power. But then again, those weren't rare traits in Mr.J`s pack of wolves.

For a moment there was awkward silence. Then, Kevin broke the ice.  
,,Alright Blondie, before we start, you'll have to warm up. Do you have previous experience with fighting or any training I should know of?”  
  
Harley felt anger rise. How did he not notice that she was trained? But then she swallowed it down and figured he was probably just testing her.

,,Nope. No training in fighting, but I was a successful gymnast a few years back. I'm still quite flexible.”

 

Kevin just gave her a nod. ,,Alright so at least we don't start at zero. But just because you got some muscles doesn't mean that you know how to make proper use of them in a fight. That's what I'll be teaching you. A few ground rules: You do whatever I say. You don't ask questions. You don't complain. If you can't follow those rules I won't train you. I don't have the nerve to train a whiny little bitch. Clear?”

 

Harley replied, ,,Yes, Sir!” and giggled. But Kevin was serious and not even rolling his eyes. So she kept a straight face and answered again, ,,Yes, it's clear.”

But she was curious now, ,,You were in the army, weren't you? You sure sound like a drill Sergeant.”  
  
He looked at her with furious eyes but he didn't reply, which only contributed to Harley's theory. But that wasn't of importance. _He probably dropped out due to his anger issues, unnecessary punishments and obvious sadism. The usual,_ she thought and barely managed to suppress a cunning smile.

,,Alright, give me ten rounds and fifty squats. That should warm your stiff muscles up. Then we can start with some basic fighting techniques.”

 

Harley realized, this wasn't a piece of cake. But she didn't expect it to be. She wanted to learn something and if that meant that she had to force her body to its limits then so be it.

 

The training was harsh and Kevin showed no mercy. Even though the warm-up went smooth, the combat techniques were difficult and Kevin was simply too fast for her. At first, she enjoyed the feeling of using those long dormant muscles again and to push the limits. But after an hour she was getting a little tired and Kevin made no indications of finishing the training for today. In a first exercise, he taught her how to protect her face with her fists and how to swing the arm to have maximum force and acceleration to land a punch. But Harley was slow and more than once Kevin had landed a punch in her face or stomach so that Harley feared she'd faint. It knocked her down and nearly caused her to puke up the coffee. But she managed to get up again and continue. At first she had tried to understand the pattern of this fighting style. But this wasn't a fighting style she knew, it involved fist-fighting but advanced leg work too, it was probably a mix of everything from Judo to Krav Maga. Kevin had told her that people in the streets didn't wait for the opponent to prepare and if they knew the fighting style they could behave accordingly. It was disadvantageous to be predictable. No one even thought about fighting fair and hesitation could mean death. Also, people could be armed with knives and guns, weapons that she'd have to deal with in later sessions too. But for this first lesson, it was way too advanced. Finally, after three hours of getting beat up, Kevin allowed her to leave.  
  
Harley didn't hesitate for a second and went straight up to the fourth floor, to get that shower she was so desperately craving. She felt sore everywhere. Even her bones ached as if a truck had just crushed her underneath. She felt several blue spots emerging on her body and witnessed how the skin beneath her eye suddenly turned purple. But she didn't mind. And her Puddin` wasn't exactly a soft mannered guy either. So physical pain - even though annoying - wasn't new to Harley. It cleared her head and allowed her to focus.  
  
When she stepped out of the bathroom, M.J was waiting on the other side of the door.

,,Kevin roughened you up quite a bit. That purple eye suits you.” He grinned with malicious glee.

Harley just rolled her eyes at him. But Mr.J didn't like that. So he grabbed her wrists and squeezed them with brutal force. Her already bruised arms hurt like hell but she made no sound and just returned his intense gaze.

  
,,Do you want purple wrists to go with that eye?” He asked in a deceitful, soft tone.

But before she could reply he pulled her closer and loosened the grip. Then he bent down and whispered one word into her ear. ,,Careful!”

But Harley didn't back down. She grinned and replied, ,,Careful is for pussies.”  
  
She expected him to slap or smash her in the face or shove her against the wall but instead he just started to laugh. It seemed that he was truly amused.

,,You know, Harley, you are quite the pain in the ass.” He let her go completely but then he stepped closer, closing the gap between their bodies.  
,,I like your spirit and wit, but don't ever cross me or defy me. You will regret it. Badly.”

This time he was serious. She didn't mind his threats though. She had to push certain limits to know just how much she could do without getting in trouble. It was important so that she could move freely along those boundaries. After all, she intended to stay with him and therefore she needed to know her place. He could have hurt her but he hadn't. And he wouldn't. She felt that the initial awkwardness was gone and replaced by a mutual feeling of desire and trust. It was slowly growing and would take time to unfold.  
  
,,I won`t, Puddin`, I swear.” She vowed and their eyes locked. ,,I know,” he replied and gently tucked a wet strand of hair behind her ear. It was probably the most tender gesture he was capable of. But Harley took whatever she got.

 

 


	20. Update

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeesh... can't believe this has has been over a year now.. Damn. I still have remnants left for the story to continue (it was initially planned to become a 40 chapter fanfic). No clue if anyone's still interested though. I'd need some feedback on whether there are still people actually reading this story. 'Cause it is summer break and I do miss writing fanfiction lol

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